Sex, What is that again?

Published by Godiva in the blog Godiva's blog. Views: 202

Due to...personal reasons my bf and i are taking a break from sex.

We're both messed up and mostly I do not want to risk pregnancy. So until we can both, harden the fuck up....we're just not going to do it. At first it was tricky, but now it is super easy- even preferred. I was going to do him on his birthday, but i didn't even.

I just cannot muster the WANT anymore...

Sex *IS* a chore. I cannot remember what it feels like but the only memories i have are mediocre. The last few times (though i was upset with him at the time) i recall staring over his shoulder, or at the ceiling, thinking "oh just get it over with already" or "When is this going to start to feel good for me?"

A 3 month dry spell. S

Saving my virginity for him, to have 9 months of crappy guilt filled sex...though most times enjoyable I recall, is such a stab in the heart.

But really? Who is nothing. This coming from a rampant woman.

I do not want to start it again, i am fully addicted to the stuff. I just quit cold turkey and my short term memory loss is doing me a favour.

Sex to me =
a good shower, shaving 90% of my body, plucking here, plucking there, wearing sexy lingerie, trying and failing and trying and failing to light my mans fire.
Being shut down.

Wearing expensive perfume, nicking areas i wish I hadn't, putting on make up, doing the deed and things i'm not 100% comfortable with, risking pregnancy, risking eternal damnation, risking infection, risking love, being left in the wet patch on the bed...
feeling guilt
feeling dirty
feeling shameful
worrying about pregnancy
worrying about my performance
being bored

being sweaty after a shower, being sore from extremely long sessions, being tired, missing out on study time, missing out on sleep...

Having sore muscles everywhere the next day from clenching near orgasm, sore neck from positions, sore to walk if it was particularly vigorous.

Making up lies as to why my neck hurts and my homework wasn't done and why i was up till 1am...laundry. yeah they'll believe that. my mother....everyone except a few.

Being so frisky i do myself 15 times to porn before he even gets home just to make sure i don't have to humiliate myself and try to seduce him and fail....then seducing him and winning...the prize is painful.

I'm stupid.
Sex is stupid.
Life is stupid.


Sex....What is that again?
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