Viewing blog entries in category: Relationship Rants
Since I have no one to really talk to about it, I think i'll write again.
Hmm... I love sex. I love talking about it, learning about it, giving advice and understanding the how, what, when, why and where's of sex. But...lately I just feel so discouraged about it. I can't even orgasm during sex unless I have a toy or and it's the most discouraging thing now. After Amanda's sudden death, i've been focused on spending time with the people I care about the most and in making memories than having sex.
Sex is a memory but I wanna cuddle and enjoy each other without having to have sex, basically. For a while it never bothered me. I was always just content with being with the guy, but now it's pissing me off that I can't completely enjoy sex like other people. Yes, I know women have trouble orgasming. I've tried everything, and being in a long distance relationship doesn't allow me many opportunities either. I've gotten to the point where now if i'm horny i get annoyed and think 'whats the point'. I have such a bad attitude towards it lately and I kinda want nothing to do with it now because it seems like nothing will change.
It's like thinking about sex....I want it, but i'm scared and I don't really know why i'm scared but the feeling is there. The nervous feeling and the scared feeling before your first time... i guess that's how I feel. Except this isn't my first time so WTF -_-
I haven't even been in the mood to look at girls or find them attractive for a 3some. It's like I have this angry horni-ness inside me. UGHH.
The one time i'm horny before sex, he won't get hard because of the mind blowing bjs i give him. I always forget that's why I don't give blowjobs before sex or at least to make him cum because he'll take a long time to get hard and i get out of the mood by then.
Ugh this is sooo freakin frustrating. There's no point in worrying about it now since I won't see him for two weeks...but... it really is just a discouraging issue -_-
...usually not for the same reasons.
I'm sitting here realizing that i'm frustrated beyond word...well no because the words will be written here now.
I've been stressed the whole day. Completely annoyed with things that I wish could change and a topic on my mind that we as females seem to understand so well, but the men just won't. Not don't, but won't.
As a woman who is more emotional than the average male, it is obvious we need that extra attention so we can feel good. Being reassured that you're beautiful or funny or smart and helpful or just something important to you, can change our day from hell to the bet thing in the world in a matter of two seconds or less, all because you said it. It's not that difficult and as a guy it shouldn't fade after time in your relationship because you have been dating for a while so you expect her to know. No. Just no. You have to work at a relationship EVERY DAY, no matter what.
Being in a long distance relationship doesn't allow this...so they say. BS is what I say. If you want to make it work then shut the fuck up and make it work. Giving me excuses in a relationship YOU are supposed to be giving your all in doesn't make sense to me. I am here for US, so I put in my all to make sure that WE are happy and comfortable and stable. It seems very selfish that you're saying 'It's just not me, I don't open up that way'...blah blah blah.
Excuse excuse excuse. It's selfish and it doesn't make sense if you say you love someone. When you love someone there should be no room for excuses. It just doesn't make sense to me. If I know I have a problem with something I try, damn do I try to get over it or make it better. He's the opposite. He shuts down and people out and deals with it by himself, that I understand. But I don't understand when it's something that I need help with, something that will help us as a couple, you make excuses for. It just seems so selfish to me.
I feel useless and underapprecited and I don't know what the problem really is on my part. I try to evaluate it through your eyes but I just see it as an excuse and you using the physical distance between us as a blockage to continue your distant emotional form of comfort, that doesn't exist.
Yes i'm fuckin angry and fed up and tired and exhausted and Chem-work has got me on edge on top of the BS im bitching about now.