I am trying to figure out how I can make this short. Lots of history into this one & I have been lurking & reading here for several months, so finally joined & worked up the nerve to post . . so here's goes. History: Hubby is 45, I am 32. We have been married 4.5 years, together 7 total. 2nd marriage for both of us (my 1st 2 years, his 18 years). We both have history. I was molested by a family friend as a child, and have been through some counceling & I am also bi-polar (more depressive), on Wellbutrin for 2 years now. 1st hubby just didn't understand how this affected our sex life & didn't see why it had any influence and pushed me into a lot of things, which turned into resentment fast (= resenting sex as well). So that was a quick 2 years. Hubby's marriage was void of all sexual content for the last 8-9 years. He is a very, very carring person (excellent dad to his 3 kids) and probably does too much for everyone else. He cooks, cleans, does the laundry, helps me with my horses alot. Sometimes it is easy to take advantage of him because he was so used to doing it before. Then he begins to feel a little used. Because he was denied sex for almost half of his previous marriage, it is very important to him (and rightfully so). Becuase of that I went thru counceling & get on meds (trying to work on things). But our sex life is aweful. Very, very plain, no creativety, he has no techinque and has no idea what to do to make it work for me (even though I kinda try to show him). And because of my history, I am pretty uptight to start with. Mostly the same thing over & over, he tends to lay there & let me do all the work. I even shaved baby smooth on Sat & during sex sat pm (always have trimmed, but have never shaved smooth before) & he NEVER EVEN NOTICED. So there are obviously issues on both sides. He desprately desires it and doesn't push me, conciously (he is very good about all that) but I can tell when it is bothering him because he becomes quiet/reserved and will go to bed & just roll the other way (which is a form of guilt trip I am sure). Then I feel bad. It has been real delima. I am sure not against sex, but it needs to be very 'different' from what I have experienced in the past or all the old scars get in the way. But our sex life is just aweful. He has only been with his 2 wives, I have had only a handful of partners. But I am the creative one & I am sure willing to try much, much more. But we also have to approach it right so my brain doesn't shut my body down!! This is a super sensitive topic to him, so I have to approach it the right way. I can't just say "Honey, our sex is aweful, you have no idea what you are doing. Please try to learn somewhere". I do try to encourage him, but I am too much of a pansy to just say "Do this". Which I am sure I need to learn to do. But looking for a good way to open this conversation with him. I do not orgasm easily and have a difficult time letting go & enjoying myself. Neither of us practices mastrubation, but I have started some and I am working on it. I have to figure out what works for me before I can help him help me. Because things happen only 1 or 2x a month and he doesn't matrubate, things are over pretty quick, many times just from fore-play. So that ads to the frustration on both sides. So what it boils down to is we need to get on the same page. Tactfully. I think things can be alot better, but I was raised that good Catholic girl & with both our history's it is sooo diffcult to get things headed the right direction. But this has been affecting our otherwise very, very good marriage from the start. He is a great guy & I love him dearly, so I need to figure out a way to get things on the right track. He doesn't have any idea I am on here, he knows that there is that side to me, but it is difficult to pull out. We have watched some light porn together & that helps, but I think he has tried to learn technique there & you all know how that goes . . . . please, any advice/ help would be greatly appreciated!!!! Thanks so much in advance..