All people, except for the most sexually crippled, have a fetish, yes even you. Because a fetish is just a sexual interest that is different from the sexual interest of someone else, therefor relying on perspective. My FB friend Kelley posts a list of fetishes on her blog daily. It was while reading these posts that I came to a deep understanding of how fetishes can enhance or destroy a relationship. I've created a theory that I think will explain how fetishes have real impact on any relationship. Let me start with some classification. There are two top level types of fetishes. Visual fetishes - these are the most common, so common in fact that you probably don't even recognize them as a fetish. This classification includes things like hair color, eye color, breast size, fitness, pregnant, ethnicity, attire, costumes, hairy, shaved, scents like perfume, etc. The list could go on but I think you can continue that on your own. Active fetishes - these tend to be more segmented. Some are outright frowned upon, others are more widely accepted. They include things like; positions (missionary -doggie etc), oral sex, anal sex, toys (vibrators), domination, bondage, spanking, group sex, urination, enemas, genital abuse, piercing, asphyxiation, again the list goes on but you get the point. So what classification does your fetish fit into? Perhaps you are interested in several of these fetishes, it's OK, so is just about everyone else. If you are stumbling on the word fantasy vs fetish, don't, we tend to use the word fantasy in place of fetish because it puts the fetish out of reach, so we don't have to confront it. If it's a fantasy we relegate it to our imagination and it's easier to live without. But if it's a fetish then it is some inherent desire that we would like to actually satisfy. Same thing, different perspective. Let's start with visual fetishes. Some visual fetishes are actually harder to manage then active fetishes because they often relate to things your current partner is not, or for your partner, things that you are not, and this is the reason that we rarely talk about our true visual fetishes with our partners. Seriously if one of your fetishes is black men, and your current partner is not a black man are you really going to tell your partner that? Of course not, because there is no way that your partner can change that trait. However many visual fetishes can be managed by changing minor traits like hair color, eye color (contacts), costumes, shaving waxing etc, but we still don't talk about them. Active fetishes are much easier to accomplish in the confines of a current relationship but almost unimaginably harder to talk about. Why? Because we are afraid due to social stigma that our partner will see us as wrong or freakish. Can you ruin a relationship by talking about your fetishes? Absolutely. Can you ruin a relationship by not talking about your fetishes? Almost certainly.