Threesome questions

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by VicariousJoe, Oct 11, 2018.

  1. VicariousJoe

    VicariousJoe New Member

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    Hello everyone, I’m a long time lurker but recently came across a thread on r/sex which peaked my curiosity quite a bit so I had a couple of questions.

    Basically this guy was in a relationship with his girlfriend for about 4-5 years and the subject of threesomes came up. They discussed it and agreed they were both interested, but only in MFM because she didn’t like the idea of seeing him with another girl. He basically decided she wasn’t ready for threesomes and put the idea aside. After a while he broached the subject again asking her if she was still interested in a threesome with another guy to which she replied yes. His idea was that if she could see what it was like and get a better idea of the trust portion that ahe might like an FMF with him as well.

    So they ended having the MFM and they both very much enoyed it, so much that they continued to have a few more threesomes with other guys. After those he brought up a threesome with another girl again to which she replied she still didn’t like the idea.

    He went on to explain that he was very frustrated not because he wanted to have sex with another girl (which I can completely agree with seeing most guys don’t need to be in a relationship to sleep with woman, he obviously clearly loved his girl) but because she still didn’t trust the idea of the two girl FMF despite him indulging her.

    They continued to have more MFM threesomes because they both enoyed it (he wasn’t Bi).
    —-

    Now here comes my first question,

    1. Who was in the wrong here, her for enjoying the threesomes with other guys and not wanting to reciprocate, or him for assuming she might change her mind about it. In my personal opinion and if I was in that situation I would feel really guilty.

    Second question and the reason why Im here,

    2. Is there anyone with a similar experience guy or girl and what was the resolution? Did you guys eventually compromise or do you still just continue to have only one type of threesome bequest your SO?
    ——

    Keep in mind I’m not here to judge anyone but rather try and understand these types of situations better. If you and your SO have an arrangement like this and it’s working then more power to you and I would love to hear about it.
     
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  2. Sagittarius84

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    Look, I'm convinced that all men into two man threesomes eithee all have a bi streak, and/or are team players to an extreme degree.
    If the guy was deadset on an FMF only he only has himself to blame for acquiescing to an MFM. If he happened to enjoy them it's even more on him but doesn't negate the selfishness his wife is displaying.

    My situation is somewhat similar, my wife has the bi streak and im 100%hetero so an FMF or MFF would work wonders, but she, like most women in this forum, as well as the partners of many men in this forum, cannot reconcile the possibility of another woman giving me physical pleasure, even with her involved...Doesn't stop her from advertising my goods to any female acquaintance that'll listen though...kind of like advertising a product you have no intention of selling..lol
     
  3. Angie Manner

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    Her is the thing with threesomes or swinging.
    You can ask your partner to have sex with another, but you cannot ask your partner if you yourself can have sex with another.
     
  4. Gmsexycpl

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    My threesome fantasy with my wife is just to see my wife engulfed and satisfied! It's all about her pleasure and pleasing her I have no interest at all to be with anybody else but my wife.
     
  5. used2bgood

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    My experience was not like this. As I have posted here before, we had started with a MFM because she had no experience in sex except with me. (We were married as virgiins at 20Yr old) She had expressed the possibility of missing out on some learning of sex, so we did a MFM to satisify that)

    After the satisifying MFM she asked if I felt the same way and after many discussions she agreed to a FMF which we did with a friend of hers. That was because she had a little misgivings about seeing me with someone else, but after getting started, she fit right in offering some suggestions as to what the friend and I were doing.

    I don't feel that anyone was wrong in the OP's 1st question. He agreed to the MFM and enjoyed it. She doesn't feel ready to share him for whatever reason and he should respect that. No one should do anything that they do not want to do and no one should expect them to!!!
    I'll almost bet that their MFM was premature in their relationship as it sounds like they haven't become really comfortable in their relationship and the trust wasn't there yet (they are only dating [gf] no marriage committment) and haden't discussed it thoroughly before doing it. She was probable just trying to satisify him ...... wrong idea! This was a very bad way to build trust ......... believe me, I've seen too many friends lose everything when trying to use MFM or FMF to solve marital problems!
     
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  6. weysally

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  7. Captain Scrotum

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    Everybodys rationale for this kind of stuff is different, so there is no right or wrong

    If you both signed up it and both enjoyed it - result !
     
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  8. Hypersexual11

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    What is it you want from the fmf 3some? In your mind, how does it progress? Is it just that you want to bang a different girl? If you go into an fmf with that as your goal, what you get is a one on one and a girlfriend thinking, yep, this is why I didnt want to do this.
    It is very difficult for 2 girls and a guy to 'share' a sexual experience together. MFM and MMF is the better fit for a 3way. I did an fmf with my wife and her friend. It was a lot of fucking work. I never came, was afraid to leave someone wanting more. I will never do it again. Unless it's offered. ;)
     
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  9. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    As with everything in life, regretting decisions, not knowing exactly what you want, changing your mind, realizing something you thought would be fine actually isn't, and so on, all of this is normal.

    Many have the illusion that if they think it over long enough, they'll know exactly how it is like and how they'll feel about it. These are deluded control freaks.

    Life isn't supposed to be perfect.

    In the situation you describe, there is no reason to blame anyone.

    Assume your partners aren't perfect machines. They're humans. Then, add a good dosis of compassion and empathy and you're ready to be happy.
     
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  10. Little Southern

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    Now here comes my first question,

    1. Who was in the wrong here, her for enjoying the threesomes with other guys and not wanting to reciprocate, or him for assuming she might change her mind about it. In my personal opinion and if I was in that situation I would feel really guilty.
    The way you described the situation makes it seem that he only did the mfm in order for her to do fmf. Personally, I feel that was a wrong way to go about it. 'If I do this with you, I'm expecting you to do this for me'. She hasn't changed her mind, he should accept and enjoy what they do.

    Second question and the reason why Im here,

    2. Is there anyone with a similar experience guy or girl and what was the resolution? Did you guys eventually compromise or do you still just continue to have only one type of threesome bequest your SO?
    All the threesomes, I've had, have been with a FWB I had for many years. We discuss all kinds thoroughly and decided mfm/mmf was best for us. He was turned on by sharing and me fully pleased. We discussed fmf, neither of us was into it at the time. Instead of fmf, he was hoping I would agree to have 3 or more men join us. We both trusted each other and we're adventurous, but I wasn't that much so. It eventually caused the end of our FWB and friendship when he kept pushing it (even offering to buy me a car if I would with 10 total men).

    With threesomes all involved parties need to discuss it and make it clear what they hope and expect. If you aren't on the same page, it's better not to do it. I've seen it ruin some relationships. I agree with @sensless a dose of compassion and empathy goes a long way.
     
  11. andylife

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    I will never do it again.
     
  12. VicariousJoe

    VicariousJoe New Member

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    So I’m assuming that when you guys have MFF threesomes you just get to watch them and maybe do stuff with your wife?

    Personally that would just me insane. I’m glad your dynamic works for you guys but if I had two beautiful woman sitting right next to me naked but I could only touch one...like it would be like wanting to cum but can’t because there is a zip tie squeezing your head to tight haha.
     
  13. Sagittarius84

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    Lol we dont get to the threesomes. She's into girls too, so whether or not another dude will be there is a nonstarter(thankfully). But she's paranoid any girl that gets included i will eventually leave her for, which is ridiculous because I don't think i could even reconcile having another female partner without my wife being involved.
     
  14. G Downing

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    The Threesome.
    My favorite.
    Two men one woman.
    I get to enjoy two different rhythms.
    Each man doing his best to please me.
    In return I get to pleasure two men.
    Three holes take you pick.
     
  15. Groovyguy

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    First question....no one is in the wrong here. She is allowed to like whatever she wants and not like whatever she wants. And he is not wrong to try and establish that trust so that he can have what he wants too. Just didn' twork is all. No biggie.
    Second question- I would give in and let my spouse have what she wants, but not everyone will...and that is fine. Sex isn't about fairness, it is about comfort. If she is comfortable with one and not the other, that is just what it is.
     
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  16. G Downing

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    What works for one person or couple does not work 100% for the next person or couple.
    That's what makes us all individuals .
     
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  17. Sagittarius84

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    I find this a little bit troubling. If her comfort can only be satiated by her having an inequitable position to her advantage, i think that speaks to her inherent inability to be a giving and loving partner.

    Again, I'm not giving said guy an all out pass here; he himself said he enjoys the mfm encounters, but I know men have a tendency to downplay their true feelings in lieu of what gets them success or opportunity in life. That seems to creep over into the sexual realm where almost every guy has the same testimony: 'whatever makes her feel most comfortable is what makes me happy' but no parallel feelings from our woman counterparts.
    Im not trying to attribute some malevolent intent here, because I don't think it's present, but it seems within the realm of consensual polyamory, the human propensity for seeking and holding privilege and power has taken hold of women, whom find themselves in a situation where the very act of sex is totally geared to their comforts and fulfillment, with the fulfillment of men being an afterthought, a foregone conclusion, or at best soley contingent upon her comfort.

    TL;DR i think as long as friend of OP is dissatisfied with him not being able to indulge in an FMF situation, i think all poly activity should stop, at least temporarily, even more so as he has found he enjoys the MFM encounters(I always tell my kids, antifreeze tastes really great; liking something has no bearing as to whether or not indulgence in it is healthy for you.).
    And for the health and success of any future encounters, either his disappointment at no FMFs has to be quelled by her, or her insecurity about about possible FMFs needs to be quelled by him before any more threesomes take place.
     
  18. Groovyguy

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    So if one person doesn't get their way despite comfort levels, then ALL activity has to stop? I think comfort is very personal and sex isn't about, I give it so now you have to give it. Some girls don't like blowjobs, but that doesn't mean automatically that the man shouldn't go down on her if they enjoy that.
     
  19. Sagittarius84

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    It Doesn't have to stop, but I think regret and resentment are inevitable if it's not addressed fully while continuing to indulge.
    And as for your BJ/cunilingus example, welcome to an often reinforced fact of conventional manhood; you cannot expect what you do not put out there. I speak from experience; as cunilingus isn't my favorite thing in the world. As such I've accepted that my BJ quotient will probably be lower. I dont think anyone would have any qualms about a man who didn't like giving cunilingus not getting BJs, would you? That's not to say a a woman who doesn't like blowjobs isn't deserving of oral pleasure, just that of she's not willing to put herself out there, she shouldn't have any expectation that her oral pleasure is met.

    It's not just a matter of comfort or somebody not getting their way, it's about taking advantage of a situation under less than honest pretenses. As long as she knows FMF is what he would like, and that MFM was offered as a way to perhaps sweeten the deal, then it is she that is also considered irresponsible for continuing to indulge with no intention to acquiesce, just as he was irresponsible for attempting to use one sexual act to "pay" for another.
     
    #19 Sagittarius84, Oct 21, 2018 at 3:54 PM
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2018 at 4:07 PM
  20. Sagittarius84

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    Im starting to think more and more this has less to do with any mechanics of the situation, and more to do with men being old/out of shape,or uncoordinated, and/or women being a lot more primally territorial than they give themselves credit for.
     
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