Scared and Insecure--Maybe He's Better Off W/ A Girl That Will Put Out

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by kind_heart, May 19, 2004.

  1. kind_heart

    kind_heart New Member

    May 19, 2004
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    Hi there guys, how are all of you? Anyways here's my problem
    I have been around these boards looking at the different topics and I have found some very interesting insights and information. Well, I have a couple of questions for everyone and anyone. You see the thing is, is that I'm a virgin (Gosh I can hear most of you laughing at me right now), but my boyfriend isn't. While I do plan on waiting until I'm married to have sex (or as I prefer to call it making love) I was wondering how some of you cope with the feelings of maybe thinking of being compared to a past lover(s) in your s.o's past. (if you or them weren't the first).

    Secondly, if you were plagued by these feelings how did you get over it? I'm not holding his past against him whatsoever. I guess what bothers me the most is that if I did decide to want to take things to the next level with him, I wouldn't want to try new positions or other forms of intimate experimentation b/c I'd feel 'well, he probably already did this with so and such at so and such a place...why would he bother wanting to do those things with me? If and when I'm able to over come these insecurities, I know that when I do have a sex life I want it to be wonderful and absolutely fun and spicy.

    *Secondly if someone you cared about was feeling the way that I do now, how would you feel and would there be anything you would do to alleviate such insecurities. Thank you all ahead of time for your input and advice I appreciate it very much.

    *My bf has never ever compared me to past ex's nor has he pressured me into having sex...he respects my decision to wait.

    *Sometimes I think maybe I should break things off with him in order to stop feeling so insecure, so that he'd be better off with someone at his level of experience, it seems like all guys would rather be with an experienced girl, rather than one they would have to 'teach' and didn't have a clue as to what she is doing (Unfortuately I have this perspective b/c I used to be teased by a group of guys while in high school )
  2. Fuzzy

    Fuzzy New Member

    Jan 26, 2004
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    On top my wife!!!
    First off, I'm sure there's no one laughing at you. Personally I applaud you for being a virgin at 19. Nowadays that is very rare. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until marraige for sex.

    As far as the boyfriend goes, does he try pressuring you into sex now? If he doesn't care enough for you to respect your wishes then you don't need him anyway. If he's fine with your decision and is respecting you and not running around on you, I don't see what the big problem is. No, you don't need to end the relationship so he can find someone on his exprience level. Trust me, to me it's a lot more fun from a guys point of veiw to have a girl with a little less experience. that's my opinion anyway.

    Finally, I think you need to sit him down and have a long talk with him and get his input.

    As far as the guys in high school. Don't pay any attention to what they said, they're high schoolers and just try to make themselves look cool in front of there friends.

    hope this helps.
  3. Logger

    Logger Well-Known Member

    Dec 6, 2003
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    Dear Kind Heart,

    Welcome to SF!

    Remaining a virgin is a fairly understadable boundary. I am studying Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend.

    There are many ways to show love. You do not mention the ways you show love now, short of insertion. A virgin, to me means not having allowed a man to put his penis inside your vagina. Do you give head? Do you help with hand jobs? What toys do you feel comfortable with?

    Making love does not require loss of virginity, in my opinion. One of the most love transferring feelings I get, is when my wife puts her breasts on my chest, or sucks my nipples, and rubs her pussy on my thigh, while I pound off.

    When I squirt or climax, that releases chemicals into the blood stream. Chemical release is enhanced by visualization. What do you do for BF to enhance sexual arrousal in visualization? Mirrors? Videos? Magazines? Audio sex descriptions?

    The moment of climax is not so much the woman's actions, but the energies that are created. The concentration of nerve endings in sexual organs allow the creation of intense energy fields, and these fields are energised by a trusting atmosphere and mental application of love.

    You can be a virgin and still do your snapper snatch Klegal exercises. How is your muscle tone and control in your vagina?

    You mention your BF's experience as a problem for your self-esteem.

    When a young man is married or single, it is healthy for him to squirt once a day or at least every several days. How are you helping your BF? What arrangements for a trusting, stimulating atmosphere have you arranged? How could you do better?

    To evaluate dumping BF, I would recomend you look at the MB 10 emotional needs, and see how you match up. marriagebuilders. com

    MB Emotioanl Needs:

    Sexual Fulfillment
    Recreational Companionship
    Honesty and Openness
    Physical Attractiveness
    Financial Support
    Domestic Support
    Family Commitment

    Compatibiliby Test:

    Couple Compatability Test

    Drucilla Thread
    Drucilla Thread on Eanneagram Copmpatiablity test, www .Enneagraminstitute. com

    You don't mention what you are doing for each other. Sex is an expression of Love. Love is the prime ingredient for sex. Love of committment to each other. Love of Euporia. Love to just help out. Love to understand each other's sensitivities and boundaries

  4. innerwildwoman

    innerwildwoman New Member

    May 30, 2004
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    As for the experience issue, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Even when 2 people are experienced, they still have to adjust to each others' bodies and preferences. What excites one partner won't excite another. There's always some degree of learning involved. There are a number of books out there which illustrate/describe some of the basic techniques if you're worried about that. Of course, reading isn't the same as doing, but it will give you a general idea of what to expect.

    Just because he's done something before w/a previous partner doesn't mean he won't enjoy it and find it different with you. He may have more intense feelings for you which will make the experience different. The texture and alignment, etc. of your bodies will make it a different experience for him. And anyone who loves you enough to respect your wishes should be willing to share his knowledge w/you in a tender, loving way. Ultimately, you have to do what's right for you. If you want to wait 'til marriage, there's nothing wrong w/that. Best of luck to you.
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