People in sexless marriages your thoughts

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by privatepartner, Oct 5, 2017.

  1. zena69

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    Only way out is to 'force fuck' her hard. She wants it and she would love it once done!
     
  2. Sagittarius84

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    This, a 1000x this.
    Specifically within the cuckold and female-beneficiary poly circles I wonder how many women care to inquire whether their men are actually in it for their own fulfillment or see it as a necessary compromise to maintain some access and regularity in their sex lives.
     
  3. sensless

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    I can't talk for others, but I'm a woman who likes to see her man with other women, and yes, they're younger and more beautiful. I can't explain why, but it just makes me very excited. Very. It's a pity he's not into having me watch. I wish I could promote it and watch every time.

    I think it's just because it's something sexual. I like to watch, to be in sexual situations. Sex parties, clubs... it all gives me a high and makes me more excited.

    Sex is good, sex is exciting. Perhaps you have problems to understand this, because in America sex is such a taboo.

    I'm back from 10 days hiking in Crete. I've seen people like me there every single day. Europeans who take their clothes off any opportunity they can. We talk about sex, we check each other's genitals, we smile and we make out so we can watch and be watched. And after hikes, or during hikes, we fuck each other. In all my trips to America for hiking and wall climbing, I've never seen something like this.
     
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  4. Sagittarius84

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    And I think I've expressed before, in general life and within this sexual forum, you really seem to represent a deviation from the norm. Ive perused many a sexual and relationship forum, or website over the yrs and you may be of 2 women that expressed sexual fulfillment and satisfaction from watching their man fuck another woman, without you necessarily being involved. Meanwhile I've probably passed over at least 15 threads in the past week by men that seem to get more pleasure out of watching their SOs fuck other guys.
    And I think you have it 1/2 right about America: sexual enticement is encouraged, sexual fulfillment is the taboo, again I think because of the power it yields. That's what happens when a nation is founded and organized by Puritans and their descendants.
     
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  5. privatepartner

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    This has really become an interesting conversation. I wish things in the U.S.A we're different regarding sex and nudity.
    I am not a big traveler as I hate the stress of getting there and getting back the entire time thing just sucks. But myself I would much rather go on vacation where nudity and sex is acceptable versus going on vacation with a bunch of rules in my way.

    I have a bunch of friends that want to do an Alaskan cruise and I just tell them if I am going on a cruise I want to be wearing as little clothing as possible not more clothing.
    I know it's beautiful but I really do hate clothes.
    Back to the question at hand I know for my wife it's all about upbringing and the other part how she feels about herself.
    She is 60 now and really has an issue with her boobs starting to sag and such.
    She in my mind is an extremely beautiful woman and I wish she would let herself enjoy it before we are both too old to enjoy it.
    I have an idea for a new thread.
     
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  6. biggnyc

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    Our sex life was completely dead. It was only after we both were with other people that it was invigorated. Started with sexts and went from there.
     
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  7. Gmsexycpl

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    Your right in America sex is very taboo...Everyne does it but no one talks about it
     
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  8. Flamebait

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    My 1st marriage was sexless to an ever growing controlling person. I didn't understand a sexless marriage then and I still don't today. She with held sex, blew a gasket if I masturbated and certainly porn was not to be looked at. Highly jealous if I spoke to other females without her present. And some woman wonder why guys step out for physical attention?

    Don't get me wrong I am not bashing woman for gawds sake I just don't understand with holding or using sex for a weapon. I tried for 17 years to figure out. I was more confused in my 2nd marriage when the wife is all on board for daily sex and living nude at home.
     
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  9. Tony Moss

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    Sounds like you went from one extreme to another. Be thankful you escaped that 1st marriage. I never would let a woman use sex to control me or as a weapon. If she withheld, I just let her wonder if I was getting it elsewhere & if she bitched about me not coming straight home after work, well, I just let her bitch. Fortunately my ex was a bit of a nympho & wanted it too much to withhold for more than a few days at a time & because her 1st husband cheated on her, she was always worried about me doing the same if she tried to withhold from me.
    Give up trying to figure women out, some are control freaks & they'll use anything at their disposal to control you. I don't understand your confusion with your 2nd marriage but then maybe because I'm a home nudist too. I love hanging out in the nude. I couldn't do that very much with my ex because she couldn't leave me alone if I was nude. She'd want to play with it, suck it...She couldn't resist. She couldn't just sit & watch TV or anything if I was nude.
     
  10. SexyFantasyGirl

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    I've seen the same people complain about this year after year, the way I look at it is if you made the decision to stay in a relationship that your not happy with then live with it or then get out of it,
    don'r spend your whole life being unhappy go find some one you can be happy with
     
  11. Tony Moss

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    I understand staying in it for love like if someone becomes disabled because of an injury of some kind but in a way I have trouble understanding why anyone would stay in 'a sexless marriage'. After my wife slept with her 1st ex on the night before our 5th wedding anniversary, I lost interest in sex with her knowing the kind of dog he was having cheated on 3 wives. The marriage was pretty much over at that point & I wound up leaving her within 2 weeks. Even if someone is disabled, there are other ways to have sex so it's not really sexless.
     
    #71 Tony Moss, Mar 28, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2018
  12. SexyFantasyGirl

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    if you still love them I would stay with them,I'm just not sure you can love someone and still complain about everything they do,and cheating is completely different if someone cheated on me I wouldn't stay one more day with them no matter what,I'd learn to live without them,to me trust is everything without it you have nothing
     
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  13. Tony Moss

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    OK, this is the way that happened. Because her tirades had become unbearable to the point I literally had a heart attack, had to go the hospital & all that on a Monday morning & she goes into another tirade on Wednesday night, I knew what friends had been telling me was right, she was going to wind up killing me so i was already trying to figure out the best way out because you don't just walk out on someone with bpd that had threatened to commit suicide before. I had busted through 2 doors to get to her because she went through them with scissors with the idea of committing suicide.

    I had the heart attack on around about 7/21. On 7/29 (the night before our 5th wedding anniversary), she asked me, “Do you really want to be rid of me?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “OK.” & she called her ex. She packed a bag & he came & got her. Knowing the kind of guy he was, the next morning I got concerned they might break into the house as she had given me the keys so I called the Police to ask them to watch the house. They told me, “OK, but even if we catch them, we can’t do anything because as long as you 2 are legally married, the house is just as much her’s as your’s.” So when she called me at lunchtime asking, “I’ve made a huge mistake. Can I come back home?” Considering what the Police had told me & that her lawyer cousin would probably tell her the same thing, I felt my best recourse was to say, “Yes.” So after work, I went to his place & got her & brought her back.

    But like I said, I had lost interest in sex with her. Along about 8/12 or 13th, she did something that I had told her about the 1st month after she moved in with me, if she ever did it, “It would be over between us.” She did it, my parents came & got me. I went to see a lawyer & had him draw up divorce papers. I waited til she got a boyfriend because I knew she would never sign them til she did & it wouldn’t be long before she would have a boyfriend. About a month later, she got a boyfriend & I took the divorce papers to her & took her to the bank for someone to notarize them. We signed them & the notary republic notarized them & I just waited for the final decree which came 12/28. I made copies & took a set to her.
     
  14. Lovnflman

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    This topic keeps raring it's ugly head and always keeps me thinking. Contrary to a previous post, my sexual relations with a LT live in GF and then my ex wife, we were having sex up until the very end. I even had sex with my ex wife the night before we went to court to finalize the divorce. I've been with my current wife for 20 years. Sex was amazing for the first 15 years, though the frequency did decline. It's been sexless for almost two years now. Partly because of her weight gain, menopause, attitude change. Smoking hot to ice cold. Why don't I leave? Mainly because I do love her, but we also have 2 adult kids and 4 grandkids I couldn't stand not being with. A nice paid off home and a good retirement nest egg. At my age and stage in my career a divorce would ruin me financially. Another fellow in my field of work had been married forever, and when he retired he received a lump sum payout of over $2M. The day he received the money his wife filed for divorce.

    Like they say, money talks!
     
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  15. Tony Moss

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    Now that's understandable.
     
  16. Sagittarius84

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    I think you've been fortunate enough to have not been gaslighted much in your life. Let me give you a male perspective, which may clear up why so many choose to stay in their relationships.
    "Happy wife, happy life" This very phrase, I think is the progenitor of most male dissatisfaction with relationships. Many of us are brought up and indoctrinated with the notion that our happiness in a relationships is a secondary concern, precluded and facilitated by hers. So any attempt to seek happiness outside of fulfilling hers is considered a selfish act, and selfish men are usually not looked kindly upon by society at large. I think feminism is doing great in separating women's fulfillment and happiness from the desires of men, I just hope the trend continues so that men can unashamedly do the same.
     
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  17. privatepartner

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    Bottom line if you allow other people to determine if you are going to be happy you will never be happy. Don't be dependent on others for your own happiness, if you do it's your problem.
     
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  18. Joboo6

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    Well said my friend, well said.
     
  19. Biodome80

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    For me, I don't ever care to have sex with a second woman. I have before (I've had sex with 3 women who aren't my wife) and each time they eventually want a full on relationship. I'd rather have a sexual relationship with another man on the side .
     
  20. moparmike

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    Some really good answers and posts. Here is my .02

    I married my high school sweetheart. I was her first date. I was her first voluntary fuck. She was shy, I was very extroverted. She graduated valedictorian and I salutatorian. We had big plans. Married a few months after HS, and though I knew she had suffered molestation, we did not learn the depths of the PTSD that are associated with it. No details I will share here, but that she would gag and retch if she saw cum, forbade me to use my fingers or tongue in her. She had been betrayed by nearly everyone in her life. As I contemplated my future, OUR future, we learned she was pregnant and found out we were expecting twins shortly thereafter. Surprise! College on hold. When we first married, we fucked like rabbits, as long as I wore a condom most of the time, and stuck to the mish. I had to be careful as I was a little much for her, but still very enjoyable, but had its limitations. Childbirth richened my life with incredible, wonderful kids, but destroyed her ability to enjoy sex. Scarring and other issues made it painful for her to have sex at all. She lost all interest, but we were still best friends otherwise. I suffered through that, and four years later, we conceived by me masturbating and putting it in her to ejaculate. We had no sex life. After our son was born, we thought things were going to get better. Can’t explain it, but she got “rearranged” inside and felt different, and it wasn’t as bad. Early onset of menopause due to stress changes all that. She hurt if we went more than about ten minutes. Usually enough to get her off once or twice but not nearly enough for me to release. We were told it was a thinning of the walls of her vagina. I also noticed I would cause pain if I hit the back wall or end of her vagina. Her cancer scare made that even worse after treatment. So, I’m 2007, after several years just roughing it out, I joined a forum, looking for help or answers. I met some folks who were helpful, but no real resolution for my issue. I talked to a divorcee in a similar boat. We bacame friends and for four years, we were occasional fuck buddies when one needed some relief. It was done as simply as you would imagine a friend coming over to help you paint a room or something. She met a good man and we stopped, but remained friends. I have repeated this cycle three times, and found that when I have someone to banter with and give and receive sex, it takes all that pressure, potential bitterness (I am not, cuz she can’t help it) and stress off our marriage. I am able to do the cuddling without an awkward boner and wet spot on her back, etc. To each their own, but done responsibly, it CAN be a good thing or it CAN be bad if not done right. I treat my FWB as a monogamous relationship. My wife wants an orgasm or two every 30-90 days or so. She has gone five weeks now and hasn’t even touched her vibe. I could drill a hole in a brick wall three times a day. But we make it work. She says if I get it somewhere else, just be safe, no skanks, no disease, and make sure nobody knows about it or could ever make its way back to our circle. As such, we are happy.
     
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