Dirty talk at dinner : soup and salads

Discussion in 'Erotic Literature' started by nicelynoosed, Jun 17, 2015.

  1. nicelynoosed

    nicelynoosed Member

    Jun 10, 2015
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    Tornado Alley
    'Thanks to the inspiration for this story: the 'Which Hole Would You Pick?' thread. Somehow, what should have been at most a six-or-seven word response became a roughly 6,500 word story. Hope you enjoy it. - NN'

    I put down my fork and sat back. I had begged to be released from the hot seat while we ate our salads. Mouthfuls of kale, mint, cilantro, red grapes, and slivered almonds do not make it easy to discuss mouthfuls of male members.

    A had clearly been waiting for this. In the soft light of the restaurant’s conveniently remote corner booth, she was only one half of the striking pair of ladies with whom fate had decreed I should have dinner. Her dark sweater had flicks of silver here and there which made her appear to twinkle in the candlelight. I was increasingly annoyed that she had a boyfriend and increasingly outraged that he’d turned down a gratis blowjob and increasingly grateful that A and her friend E had decided to ask me what the fuck was up with that. I like words and I like sex.

    A looked up at the ceiling, tapping her chin thoughtfully and pondered, in a somewhat mocking tone “What on earth were we talking about before the food showed up? Was it the weather?”

    “There has been quite a lot of that, these last few billion years or so.” I responded, brightly.

    “I’ve noticed that it mainly happens outside these days.” Said E, with a straight face but a devilish twinkle in her eye. In fact, E’s face was a collection of pleasant arcs with dips and crests just where one might want them. She was shorter than A, blonde where her friend was a nearly black brunette, and entirely unfreckled so far as I could see or imagine.

    “No…” A went on, “It wasn’t the weather. It wasn’t traffic or music or real estate prices either. Oh! I know! You…” She said, whipping her eyes around to me and pinning me in place with what I think it might look like if spiders could smile before pouncing “…Were about to explain what goes on in a guy’s head while he’s …coming during a blowjob!” A could whisper in italics.

    “Mmm! That reminds me of a joke!” E interjected, setting down her wine glass, “I was a lifeguard during the summer when I was in high school. The one girl who made us all jealous was this super-innocent, knockout chick who I and half the other straight girls would have banged in a heartbeat. Beautiful, sweet, funny, and with a killer bod. She came from a strict family and was really pretty repressed, even though she was fun to be around. One evening after we had closed up, some of the guards were hanging out and she came up to us all proud saying that she’d learned a dirty joke and wanted to tell it. Here it goes:

    “What bird is the symbol of America?”

    “The Bald Eagle.” A and I said, almost at exactly the same time.

    “And what bird is the symbol of wisdom?” E went on.

    “The Owl.” I answered.

    “And what bird is the symbol of peace?” E asked.

    “The Dove!” A exclaimed, clearly interested in where this was going.

    “And what bird is the symbol of true love?”

    A and I looked blankly at each other and shook our heads.

    With a look of such smug pleasure on her face that I thought she must be mimicking that long-ago lifeguard, E revealed the punch line.

    “The Swallow!”

    A and I laughed quite sincerely, and E looked very pleased with herself.

    “That’s what you meant, right?” E asked, “About both people knowing what happens after the guy …shoots his load, I mean. Like, part of what makes it intense is that they know he’s about to start pumping and that she’s going to have to do something with it….yes?”

    “Exactly,” I confirmed “Remember how I said that we're hard-wired to visuals? A guy's spunk is his orgasm in some ways. He touches himself, he goes over, and the result arrives physically at the exact same time as the really good feelings. For years before any girls get involved, most guys feel the orgasm and see the… ejaculation at the same time. So, when a girl has her lips wrapped around him and he is about to go over, he sees her there, feels the reeely good feelings, and once his eyes uncross, sees what she does with it. He's been conditioning himself for years to feel and see the moment of release. When he sees her reaction to his pleasure, that's nearly as good as the orgasm itself.”

    “Ohhh,” E said, clearly intrigued. “Is that why guys like ... coming on women? I mean, I would have thought that it would feel better inside but apparently it's really common for men to like ... that.”

    “Yeah, it’s super common,” confirmed A, “Two guys I went to high school with actually started a porn web site. They asked if I wanted to perform on it but I said no way! I did check it out, though. Most of the scenes ended with the dude busting all over the woman's face. I thought that was just about marking territory. Like, in the wild if you did that other men would know she was part of your harem because, duh, no soap.”

    “Well, males need reassurance,” I replied, “With that mysterious collection of parts girls have, and what with most of them being hidden, it's hard to conceptualize how sex feels for a woman. We really have only three core biological imperatives. We protect, we carry, and we fuck. All else is superfluous. Make sure the tribe is safe, lift heavy things, and have erections so that the women can make babies- those are the only thing women really need men for, and I’m not so certain about the first two. For thousands of years, all society cared about was whether a man fathered children. It was all about his ability to get off successfully inside a woman.

    “In these enlightened times, though, a key part of manliness is the ability to please women, not just to screw them. Because we see-physically see-the results of our own orgasms, your invisible climaxes can seem perplexing, confusing, and downright mythical. There’s no way of being sure that a woman is enjoying herself based on her say-so. It doesn’t occur to most men that the solution to that problem is to build trust and intimacy and perhaps to get a book or four about the female sexual response cycle.

    “So, instead of worrying about that, guys will seek some sign that the chica in question really does want him around. Coming on a girl can feel sexy because she could move out of the way really easily, so her staying put means that she's involved and wants to go the distance. It means that she’s enjoying herself enough to put up with that. But emotional effort is a more foreign concept to many men than the idea of adequate but not excessive clitoral stimulation. So, the majority of guys just look for demonstrations of commitment. I don’t deny that it can be fun if the chick just doesn’t mind things getting messy, and a precious few seem to like it, but I always got the sense that there was something slightly funny to those receiving a facial. On the whole, going over inside a woman, is definitely better.”

    “I would hope so!” A exclaimed, with a charming and wholesome sincerity.

    With that, our entrees arrived. The waiter, still stone-faced had certainly very probably heard at least a little bit of our discussion, I thought. I hoped it was informative, at least.

    [To Be Continued…]
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