Communicate Damn It!!!!!! Just sharing a few thoughts, what I've finally begun to grasp being in a long term relationship that went from vanilla to kinky, that almost went completely south before our awakening. A relationship that was doomed to mediocrity and dullness that is now deep, full of trust, and moving forward. A little advice to some, a little reminder to others including myself. Just a few things I'm finally understanding: This takes both of you, both of you listening and both of you speaking. Frank, open, non-judgmental discussion. You just cannot go around giving “hints” and then sulk when your partner doesn’t get it. No one is a mind reader. Communicate. Get over your fears of telling what you are feeling, what you want, and listen, listen to your partner. Don’t feel as though you are somehow inadequate because your partner wants to share something different with you. And when that partner tells you their dark wants, their dirty desires, whatever you do, don’t judge them. Consider it, think about it, is it really that bad? BTW someone just opened up to you and laid it all on the line. That’s trust being exposed to you, here’s your chance, and they trust you enough to lay it all on the line. Guess what? YOU can trust them to do the same. Take a risk, it’s worth it. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine. “But, she’s the mother of my child, my love, my sweet angel, I can’t treat her that way and besides I don’t want to be with a slut.” Yes, she’s all of that, much-much more, and she is still that girl/woman you met long ago and then some. Slut you say? What’s wrong with being with to a slut? As long as she’s your slut and the two of you both consent to whatever freaky deaky shit you want to do. It’s no one’s business what the two of you share behind closed doors. Don’t judge man, put it under your thinking cap, wrap your head around it, here’s the woman you love, you trust, and she wants to do these things with you! Here’s your chance, don’t fuck it up. Go ahead tell her what you want too. “But I’m the mother of his children, I’m his love, his sweet angel, and I don’t want him to think I’m a slut.” See above and turn it around just a little bit from a female’s perspective. Not all fantasies can come to reality in every relationship, but there’s nothing like sharing them with each other. Don’t be afraid of a fantasy, don’t be intimidated, and don’t judge your partner for having them, and if the both of you agree that they are worth living out; Get to work. If they aren’t worth living out for the both of you, it’s still good to know each other’s fantasies and you don’t have to lock the door on anything. Have patience with each other and yourself. If you do get over that hump and start communicating, really communicating, and then things start getting a little freaky and you’re trying new things with each other. Have patience. He’s not going to be your master over night, she’s not going to be your fantasy doll in a week. Whatever it is you are trying out that is new, have patience and don’t get discouraged. Keep on working learn from and laugh at the mistakes, learn to quit taking yourself so damned seriously. Communicate, trust, show that YOU are trustworthy, don’t judge, accept, explore, open up, learn, listen, love, be deep, don’t be afraid. Life is short and I regret terribly that I am just now truly beginning to learn these things and unlearn who I was before.