Are Woman afraid of commitment?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Azaroth, Mar 27, 2004.

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  1. Azaroth

    Azaroth New Member

    Feb 21, 2004
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    Well, I am in a tough situation, I am not sure where to go - nor who to believe.... I became close with this girl - over the past 5 months, I was the 2nd person she ever slept with, and she meet me right after she broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years "who was her whole HS career". From the beginning I noticed we had a lot in common and seemed to be a click like I never experienced before with anyone else.. I was single for 4 years, and i meet this girl and I went from being single male womanizer to someone who became serious over night with someone... She knows about my past, and she knows I am really serious with her....

    Her roommate, is telling me these things shortly after the girl who i was dating wanted to take a step back and hang out less, b/c she felt things were getting to serious for her... and she told me from the beginning that she didn't want anything serious - but she realized that she was getting serious with me as well...

    Any way her roommate told me that she meet a guy during spring break and he is coming up next weekend, but his school spring break already has passed so coming up for a night is a little foolish - I personally think for an 8 hour drive to hang out with someone.As well her roommate told me that a guy stayed over her room the past weekend... and left early and so forth - and she told me that after i told her if she hooks up with a 100 guys, i dont care as long as i dont find out about it - cuz she found out that i still liked her... but i told her earlier in the week, that if i wanted to make her jealous i could and her roommate told me ya just hook up with me in a jokinly manor - but i find that weird....

    I spoke with her just the other night "her the girl who i was dating"- and she told me that she realized that things were getting serious when i took care of her for the 2nd time when she was drunk, and i cleaned up throw up and put a blankey on her and a pillow - when i got really pissed at her and she knew i was really angry with her the night when she got drunk... and she told me that is the type of guy she wants is someone who will do anything for her and she sees i am the type guy, and i think she was pertaining toward marriage as well or something like that.... and she proceeded to tell me that she knows if we go out it will be for a long time and she says, "and that's really really scary" b/c she says she def sees something long term.
    I told her that maybe space between us is what is needed between us and she said she didn't want to stop talking to me or hanging out cuz she needs me around and wants me around....

    and we left that night apart - i went back to my apartment... and next night she got back from a party and started talking ot me online, and then this morning i lent her and her firend borrow my car to go to a party at Penn State... and she basically asked me whats wrong short time later b/c i spoke wiht her roommate and not her, and told me i was being very quiet to her, and so forth and i told her there is nothign wrong..... Then she said have fun this weekend and i said the same thing, and she said don't worry i wont drink alot just enough to dance...

    and I don't know what i should do in my situation - i can't believe either or her roommate doesn't want me to tell her i know all the things she told me, and the girl i been dating i don't think she is the type like that... we didn't have sex till 4 months of dating.... so I don't think she is the type of person will just do something just because.... any suggestions or comments? are girls really afraid of a commitment? what about this situation?

  2. Logger

    Logger Well-Known Member

    Dec 6, 2003
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    Long Term Relations and Anger

    You say that you expressed anger with your girl friend when she got drunk. I suggest that your goal could be to convince her that you are a person whom she should feel comfortable with, in falling into a long term relationship.

    I suggest that getting angry at a woman who gets drunk, is a poor relationship skill. I am currently working on the Boundaries series of books by Cloud and Townsend. cloudtownsend. com The Boundaries concept is how to set boundaries in a relationship in a pleasant and supportive manner. Drinking too much means to me, that you did not have your boundaries in place with her.

    Telling your girl friend that you don't want to find out about her chaeating, means that you are not prepared for Radical Honesty RH. Marriagebuilders. com has saved many marriages, and one cornerstone is RH, and you are telling GF that you are unable to handle RH. Setting goundaries on fidelity, in a friendly supportive manner, is an area of potential improvement for you.

    Female roomates of women have a competitive catty side. You might be well advised to minimize your conversations with roomates. You should have sufficient confidence in your listening skills to be able to draw out any information you need, directly from your girl friend. Your GF comment to her roomate, that she was not ready for along term relatinship, may have just been a defense mechanism, so she could save face if you and she broke up. There could have been very little real meaning to your relationship in your GF's comment.

    I am on Page 62 of Boundaries in Marriage. I have asked my wife for agreement to buy the instruction Video tapes for $60.00, but yet to get her agreement on that expenditure. I try to avoid overriding my wife's veto, but sometimes I get away with it. Sometimes I pay a price.
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