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Where I am today.....
Today was supposed to be a monumental day for me; a situation similar to Cowboy Lover's "Will I ever reach the promised land?" You know how it is when you have wished and wished for something, anything, and you find out that you get your wish, only to lose it at the last moment. And it would be one thing if the possibility of that wish coming true was completely taken away. It's another when the carrot is left dangling in front of you. I feel like a slave with an indecisive master; "You can. No you can't. Yes you can. No you can't. OH WAIT, I've changed my mind, yes you CAN!" (Do you see the irritating nymph monster in your mind that is making me want to pluck my brain out from all of this?) :yell
Do wishes ever really come true? Or, by the luck of the draw, do you sometimes get just that much of a taste of it to call it "enough"? I don't want "just enough". I want my damn wish! This is actually a frequent conversation topic between a good friend and myself. What IS enough? How do you know? How do you explain it to someone else? For example, I want someone to love me ENOUGH to include me in their life and decisions. By that I do NOT mean that I want someone to love me enough to do this from time to time. I want someone to love me enough to always want to tell me, and always wonder what my thoughts might be in a decision. That does not mean I'm a selfish, insane nut who always wants my way. This person does not have to always (or even EVER) go with MY perspective on a decision. I just want to be loved enough that my input is desired...considered.
Okay, ENOUGH jibberish for today. Back to the regularly scheduled sex talk....
Ask me how many times I reminded her to put the envelope with the lunch money in her bookbag. Go ahead, ask me... It would take all my fingers and toes! I told her soooo damn many times to take the bookbag off of her back and put the envelope inside. Did she? Hell no! Ten minutes after walking out the door, I find the very envelope which has caused me a headache all morning on the coffee table. I'm gonna kick her ASS! Now I need to shower so I can run this to the school so she can eat lunch. I've lost the mother of the year award so many times already, I think it makes me void from earning it for years to come. HMPH!!
This came at just the right time. I deleted my Yahoo blog yesterday. I was tired of the bitchy, condescending comments others left. Fuck 'em!
This doesn't have to be all about sex, does it? IF it does, you may as well skip over mine. Things ain't like they used to be. Oh, the stories I could tell!! Now.... just a little over a year later.... I have sex with myself more than I have sex with others. Whee! Ain't life grand?! What's changed, you ask? Well, two years ago I could have sex for the sake of sex. Fun, right? Now... we've changed the rules, and I can have sex for love. Problem? Love SUCKS! And if your love life sucks, your sex life sucks worse!!