Separate names with a comma.
Just these last couple days I posted a few pix of myself in some of my most prized lingerie and high heels. I didn't post them looking for compliments because I'm realistic, I know I don't look all that great, and that I'm obviously not the girl I have dreamed of being since I was only like 7 years old. Don't get me wrong, I love compliments and the occasional kind words about those photos makes my whole day. So hey, if you happen to check out my album and think they're not all that bad, I would love to hear about it. But the real reason I posted them is that for many years now like I said before, I have wished that I had been born a girl, more than anything I have ever wanted. They are just the outward manifestation in colors and fabrics of the the feelings that have colored my heart for so many years. My way to let the woman I want to be breathe.
They are also all that is left of a long past relationship. They are not new pictures although I still have the lingerie and heels and still fit everything. They are from a homemade solo porn video I made hoping to excite a guy. A guy who was in my mind, my boyfriend. A guy to whom I played the role of devoted girlfriend.
When he started to see a girl when we were in our early twenties I was crushed. I had been a faithful and extremely devoted "girlfriend". I got to know his new girl and loved her like a sister. She knew about me as Lisa and understood; she treated me like the girl I wanted to be. Though many people knew, they were at best apathetic at worst totally abusive and cruel. She could often be heard standing up for me when she saw me harassed. It turned out that she knew more about my "relationship" with her boyfriend than I had thought; she had learned all about our nearly ten year history from a mutual acquaintance. He and I had been sexually active together after they started dating but it stopped soon after. It pissed her off and she let me know it.
To my surprise though, it wasn't me she was pissed at, it was him. And not for the reasons I'd figured. It wasn't because she felt that he'd cheated on her, even though she knew everything. See, the three of us used to hang out together early on. She told me that she had seen me looking at him differently, and started to wonder when she saw me crying when I thought no one was around. She confronted me after hearing more and put an abrupt stop to my attempt to apologize. She told me it was bullshit; bullshit that he knew how I felt but seemed to drop me without a second thought when she came along, and just expected me to be cool with everything. She said it made her think differently about him. She wondered aloud what kind of person he could be if without even a second thought he could just drop someone who was so obviously hopelessly in love with him after nearly ten years. I cried and cried; I felt I had ruined things for her, who I considered a wonderful friend. She broke up with him shortly after that. When she told me about it she said I'd be wise not to bother with him either.
The porn video I had made was the result of my hope that the way to a man's heart was by his cock. I had hoped to show him the video and make him find me exciting again, to maybe get him back from this girl who had caught his eye. After I got to know her though, I couldn't do it, I felt I'd found a friend and didn't want to do anything to hurt her. Little did I realize at the time how right I was and how she would eventually stand up for me yet again. I retired the video permanently but found that I had missed about five minutes of tape. So that's the long story of those pix in my album.
As Tod took my arm and led me out of the courthouse, I put my hand in his, our fingers intertwined. I felt as if I were floating, as if it was all a dream. A tear rolled down my cheek, then another. More tears came until my mascara started rolling down with them in long black streaks, yet I was smiling. Overwhelmed with love, overjoyed at being on this man's arm as his loving wife. These tears I didn't mind, in fact they just made me even happier. They weren't the first I had shed over Tod, but they were the first happy ones.
The very first were over five years earlier. We had spent the day together picnicking at a quiet, secluded spot in a woodsy park.
Sitting in his car, Tod began to squirm a little. He surprised me when he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch. "My dick's so hard it hurts. Take care of it for me?" he said. I could feel it grow through his pants. I looked at him in horror.
"Don't act so shocked, you know you want to," Tod said as he unzipped his pants.
I was horrified not because he wanted a hand job, but because he obviously knew I was aching to do it. Tentatively I pulled his penis out and took hold of it. I began to stroke it slowly as he leaned back. My hand moved faster and faster as he moaned his approval. When Tod let out a heavy sigh I knew he was about to cum. I cupped my other hand over the tip of his penis and felt the warm sticky juice coat my palm.
I thought for a second as both of us stared at my semen covered fingers. Emboldened by the fact that he'd already figured me out, I licked my fingers and palms clean. I was taken aback at the thrill I felt at Tod watching me greedily licking his cum from my hands.
"Damn that was good," he said "but we have to get going, I have a date tonight." It was the first of many nights I spent crying in my pillow over him as I watched him go on dates with beautiful girls clawing for his attention.
Things were different now. My persistence and my tears had finally paid off as Tod and I left the courtroom as husband and wife. All those beautiful girls he dated over the years, and yet Tod chose me, Lisa. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and kissed me, bringing me back to the moment as my prince swept me off my feet.
I lifted the hem of my wedding gown slightly and we descended the courthouse steps, where a long white limousine awaited us. We climbed in and the limo sped off toward our resort hotel.
I had worked to lose weight since I had determined to make Tod my husband, and when he picked me up and carried me across the threshold of our honeymoon suite I knew my hard work had paid off. He set me down scooped me into his arms and kissed me. He unzipped my gown. It dropped to the floor and there I stood in front of my man in only my lingerie and heels.
I smiled at him and slowly dropped to my knees, looking up at him. It felt so natural, I felt like on my knees in front of him was just where I belonged. My heart pounded with excitement as I unzipped his pants and lowered them to his ankles. The bulge in his briefs grew larger as I kissed and sucked on it. I knew I was doing it right because the bulge in his underwear was soaking wet with his juice. I let my lips and tongue linger; the taste of him on the wet fabric drove me wild with desire. I slid down his underwear and wrapped my lips around the tip of his now throbbing dick. I sucked it and circled it with my tongue as I stroked the shaft slowly. As I went down further on his shaft, I looked up at him to see him smiling in approval. I bobbed my head faster, his hard cock filling my mouth. I felt him pulsating on my lips as they slid back and forth on his dick. He grabbed the back of my head to push it in deeper. I gagged slightly but kept it in and worked on it faster. When his balls finally hit my chin, he threw his head back and groaned, "Ohhh yeah, thatta girl!"
When it seemed he could take no more Tod lifted me to my feet and kissed me with a passion I'd waited five years to feel. He picked me up, tossed me on the bed, and climbed on top of me. He kissed me and rubbed his penis on my soft, wet panties. He slid them off me. He sniffed them and licked them as he stood over me on the bed, slapping my cheeks with his dick. He grabbed my head and plunged his cock in my waiting mouth. He held the bed rail as his hips rocked wildly. His balls slapped my chin as the head of his dick pounded the back of my throat. I desperately tried not to gag on it as he continued to drive his cock down my throat. Finally gathering myself I managed to start bobbing my head in rhythm with his thrusts. I grabbed his hips to push him as far in as I could take him.
Suddenly he stopped and rolled me flat on my belly. He spread my butt cheeks and buried his face between them. He licked up and down between my cheeks; he put a finger inside me and then two. I squirmed and squealed with pleasure. I could feel the head of his penis poke inside me. "Fuck me Tod," I begged him as his hard shaft slid inside me. I loved the feel of all his weight on top of me as he rocked his hips. The slapping sound of his pelvis excited me with each thrust. If there was any pain I didn't notice because I was so overwhelmed with passion and love. His breathing was heavy and his sweat dropped on my back as he continued to punish my butt.
Tod rolled off me onto his back seemingly spent, but I wasn't done with him. I straddled him and lowered myself onto his erection. I laid myself on him and felt my nipples press against his chest as I kissed him long slow and deep. Slowly I rolled my hips and then began to rock back and forth on his dick, still hard and throbbing inside me.
A few minutes of my gyrating on him seemed to revive Tod. I bounced a little as he tossed me off him onto my back. He grabbed my ankles and pushed my legs over my head. My high heels made quite a thump as they actually hit the wall above me. There was no starting gently this time. I shrieked with pleasure as he immediately put his penis in me as deep as he could and began to thrust as hard and fast as he could. He moaned, he grunted loudly.
I sucked on his fingers both for my own pleasure but also to stifle my screaming. Watching him grimace and sweat as he gave me every inch he had drove me over the edge. Tod didn't miss a beat as I exploded spurting wave after wave of cum on his chest. I looked up at him, and saw what I hadn't before. I saw love in his eyes and felt it in his thrusts. This time, there would be no leaving for a date. This time he was mine alone; my husband.
He pulled out of me and straddled my face. I hurriedly grabbed his dick and stroked it while I sucked the tip. He let out a loud gasp as he released a hot load of his juice in my mouth; I wanted every drop but couldn't swallow fast enough. When he finally finished, his cum had filled my mouth, dripped all over my lips, and even splattered my face. I swallowed every bit I could and then licked up the rest as Tod collapsed next to me. We kissed, and he wrapped me in his arms. We fell asleep with my head resting on his chest.
The wedding of my dreams had turned into the wedding night of my fantasies.
Just a random moment thinking up the ten women I'd most like to be: here it is, I'd be curious to hear what people think.
10. Gloria Borger, CNN. I know people get "work" done, and I know about makeup and airbrushing. But dang that woman is one hot 63 year old!! Love her ladylike mannerisms, classy wardrobe and sexy legs!!!
9. Rita Cosby, formerly of Fox and CNN. I'm a much bigger fan of the plus sized version of Rita, no pun intended.
8. Robin Meade, HLN. Legs and more legs.
7. Hillary Swank. She often plays tomboyish characters and is made to look plain. Plain or not, to me she has a certain sexiness to her.
6. Joan Jett. Petite, pretty, yet badass and charismatic. If you're in the crowd, and close enough to get a wink and a nod from her, I'm pretty sure you'll swoon. Plus I'm pretty sure she can kick your ass.
5. Belinda Carlisle. Plump or skinny, always a lady and always beautiful. And a good singer. Not great but a good voice.
4. Lady Gaga. Just plain freaking hot. And she has a killer voice. But just plain hot.
3. Jennifer Garner. What's not to like???
2. Sandra Bullock. All American girl next door with a killer butt and the prettiest face in Hollywood.
1. Erin Burnett. The news world's answer to Sandra. Could you get any more likable than Erin? Awesome curves. Sexy legs, teasing cleavage, a radiant smile. Seems like she has a fun personality too.
(A repost of something I wrote a while back with some minor changes)
I had a dream last night about my old friend Tod. We were in L.A. and I was free to go about dressed as Lisa as I pleased. I convinced him to marry me as Lisa at a justice of the peace. He was ok with the idea of passing me off as Lisa before the judge, so I went shopping with Jacqueline, who would be my maid of honor. We had a ball shopping, looking at frilly dresses and sexy lingerie for me to wear underneath. Silk stockings, garter, sheer white panties with rose pattern. A push-up style bra to pad and lift my small boobs and give me a little cleavage. Finally, pink 4 inch heels. Jacqueline took me to the salon where she treated me to a manicure, and as a wedding gift, her friends at the shop gave me a new "do". Finally the time came. Then she drove me to the courthouse. In the ladies' room, I stepped into a bathroom stall and hung the bag containing my dress and the rest of my outfit on the hook on the door. As I stood there looking at my wedding outfit, I imagined myself in Tod's arms, being carried across the threshold. I slid the sheer white panties on, feeling a tingle in my thigh as they slipped up over my hips and into place. Carefully, I bundled up a stocking and slid it over my calf and up my leg. Repeating the process with the next stocking was no less a thrill. My lacy bra pushed my small breasts into place to create a nice cleavage. I put the garter on, followed by my shimmering white wedding gown. Lifting the skirt slightly, I put on the heels and stepped out of the stall. Jacqueline let out a little gasp and told me that I looked just lovely as she spun me around and zipped me up. She cupped my face in her hands and gave me a small kiss on the cheek. She told me that it was a big day for me and that I would be wonderful. I was first inside, so Jacqueline kept me in the ladies room to primp a bit and wait unil Tod arrived. She left the room to go check it out and came back to get me. She had convinced a bailiff to escort me into the courtroom. He took me by the arm and led me into the room. The old beaten down courtroom was transformed in my mind to a majestic palace as my eyes got the first glimpse of my prince. He was perfect in his black tux, watching me approach. He stood tall, shoulders back, head held high. He looked as if someone had thrown a suit on a statue of a Greek god. I was breathless and covered my mouth with my hand in awe as I held back joyful tears. My heart pounded and my breath was heavy as he took my hands in his, looked deep into my eyes, and recited his vows. I met his gaze, swearing to love and cherish him for life. Being an old fashioned girl, I threw in "obey" which brought a surprised raise of the brow from Tod as Jacqueline and Tod's best man Joey looked at one another and shrugged. The judge pronounced us husband and wife, and Tod took me in his arms. Staring deep into his eyes, I felt as if I would explode as I awaited the kiss that every girl dreams about. My chest pounded as his lips finally met mine. When the kiss broke I let out a deep sigh as we turned to face our massive wedding party of two. I could barely tear my eyes from him to stroll out of the court room. I was his now; I would be the wife he deserved and more. Waking up disapointed that such an amazing dream had to end, the romantic dreaming stopped, and the naughty daydreaming began.
Hi everyone I am Lisa, a man who feels like I should have been born female. I'm looking for a place to blog where I can vent about very personal things, and maybe get some input, as well as continue to post some short fiction. If you read this and think I'm in the right place please do comment. Thanks,