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im continuing feeling how i respond to touch and growing my awareness. I think this work im doing is quite deep and touches on other areas as well. In short im really trying to feel what my inside says to touch and if its too much i step back and do a lighter form.
Im experimenting a bit on the go bu kind of trying to build a ladder from light to more strong touch. Right now it would seem like this:
leaning on my gf/her leaning on me - relaxing on the other
holding my gf
holding my gf standing close
playful touching - drawing on each othe etc.
just being naked together
hand job either way
intercoure with no high stimulation aim
slow tantric intercourse, sensation over arousal
the list is far from complete. just trying to get perspective on things.
yesterday i was a bit surprised to feel very bad when we were in bed together just holding eachother. i was definitely on the bad side of things and escalated before i really wanted to.... a bit Weird to experience. But my awareness of myself is growing which is the key.
Ok good news. Ive done some reading and decided to go back and revisit/do/get done a lot of touch in variety of forms with my GF. In short, see more what touch im comfortable with and what im not comfortable with. And to understand how different types of touch feel and widen my horizon on the sensations. Its been very rewarding. Im thinking that i never really experienced a proper touch escalation with a girlfriend and maybe went straight for the meat instead of a natural process of non sexual and sexual touching over a period of time. No matter what - this was a good choice.
1) i have done playful exercises like drawing on my girlfirend and she on me to add playfulness into our touching.
2) weve done a lot of just touching and sensing, nonsexual and sexual
3) i dont see ejaculation as the goal at all and often we dont care if im erect or not.
4) sometimes i go for entering her but there is no speed nor stress on this
5) if i flattn i just pull out, change position and typically i rise again.
what i feel has happened is that im more in touch with my inner reactions to touch and stimuli. I have felt sensations in my cock that are really fantastic and have gained a key understanding that i need some pressure on my cock to get turned on. a wet mouth with a loose tounge is not enough for me. I need to feel those lips and the pressure. Inside her i need to get the angles right so that there is some touching of her walls etc.
Ive been very close to orgasm both in her mouth and pussy yesterday. But i did not eant to go for it as its not the goal.
IM not keeping erect fully but when i loose it i can just take it out, new posiiton and then the turn on is back.
ive played with different forms of touch, angles etc. and it has definitely helped. Main thing is that i need quite some pressure on my dick to feel sensations.
The good thing is that it seems that there are so many ways to get this with touch, sucking and vaginal and that i can experience so many forms of stimulation that its fantastic. Just different graps of the cock, either tip, root, base or other just makes all the difference in the world.
I guess im meeting pleasure....
still not fully confident or perhaps a bit anxiety driven but i just continue with this touch and go and experiencing new forms of bodily sensitivy and pleasure and im sure it will slowly transform.
Allrighty - im leaning everyday and want to plan accordingly to secure a proper learning path that gets me somewhere sexually.
OVerall sticking point
- Lack of drive/swinging drive. erection arousal curves goes up and down.
Potential sub Problems causing this
- No friction
- proper stimulation from GF (hardness)
- low sex drive?
I think its important to keep it simple and aknowledge that im a novice here. But with a natural talent But i need to apply the proper kind of pressure at a novice level to evolve.
This means i need to go into the bedroom with some key things i wanna try/work on.
Its still kindof a blur for me but im moving defining and creating a pciture of my situation. This awareness and clarity is key to hitting the right things and make sex a pleasure vs. a sad thing in my/our life.
Im aware that the focussed, structured approach can become very mental but im quite experienced in this process and know when to relax and when to take charge. This very balance does not have to be problematic nor does it have to impede immersion. Life contains many apparent conflicts but only if you have an unnuanced/black and white approach to it. But awareness is important.
Ok, things are moving. A few updates:
- Im doing Body SDS to release tension in my body enabling better flow and body feel.
- Ive started dreaming about sex which is good i guess. shows things are moving
- Today i had quick sex w my GF. Initiation w kissing and moving around close, touchign ripping each others clothes on etc. My dick was fully erect all through foreplay. entering her was great, she was on top leaning in close to me her breast aagin my body. My dick was stiff and i massaged her pussy with it. She Grinded me, very sexy and let it slide in. It felt good. i was stiff all the way. But Here the problem starts - i feel nothing inside her in my dick. its like ive stuck my dick into a ball of water. No friction/pressure on my dick makes it loose erection. We hump but with flaccid dick its not really doing anything. i slide out, turn her over and go back to make up. bam - erection up again in 10 sec. She can easily give me hand job and i stay erect but it seems when i enter her and with blow jobs i loose erection. So im wondering if i just need harder stimulus/pressure and that her sucking and pussy doesnt really give me that as is. Or if my entry into her is the thing that clicks my autoreactions to go passive. It feels nice that it might be something as simple as proper pressure. Im thinking different positions might help this while still sensing my arousals and bodily turnons.
So a few things i will do
- Sexual sensations sessions with my GF for her - letting her stimulate me freely to get the pleasure response awakened
- I wanna try some specific positions to see if entering her with those will give better stimulus
- I wanna talk to some people about what i experience.
- Continuous feeling while masturbating and just infeel in sexual energies
- imagine sex- i feel resistance here- its hard to focus
Ive decided on two key areas to focus in on in relation to my issue:
1. Mental/emotional component:
- Relate sexual feelings and expectations of lovemaking/arousal with pleasure and arousal vs fear/Lock down/over-concentration/worry?
See and imagine good sex
discuss w friends
read about it
2. bodily component:
Bodily "autoreaction" seems to close me down when we get going/when i get past the initial arousal. Lock down. Also automated #counter pressure# to cumming which makes me go against ejaculation making it weak.
A repeat barrage of physical stimuli is necessary to get my pleasure/pain senses responding again"
connect with counterpressure and stop this/relax.
more to cum/glow
Funny as i dig into this process of finding out why my sex is not working my body responds. I am really feeling and being aware in relation to anything sexual that appears: lust, stimulations, turnons etc. And i am further meditating 20 min every day. primarily on breath body feel not sex focus - whatever emerges. And so it does
First - the fog
appeared right after i made my first blog post. Like i distanced myself from what i was writing. like a layer of thick fog came between me and the writings/thoughts. Hard to focus on it and my mind seemed unable to collect around it.
Second - the inner tight resistance/grip
today i masturbated and found out that im kindof split in 2. My body sensations vs my mind. It was like my mind was turned on but my inside and bodyfeel was locked down. super passive and very attentive. In short this locks down my body and i have to squeeze my orgasm through. needless to say its not a great orgasm but its there. anyways very interesting to find this inner resistance energy. will try to connect with it and be more aware of it as it seem to close down my system - an autoreaction!
Anyone tried something like this?
Hi there. This log is intented to manage my progression in sex cause i do need to manage some sticking points and also i want to dig deeper into sexuality on whatever fronts seem to catch my desires Internet community seems a good place for this
Im straight, i have a GF.
So the basics
im in good shape
180cm, 82-83 kgs
well trained/athletic workout 3-4 times a week, crossfit
I do have diabetes type1 but the diabetes is quite well controlled
Have had stresslike symptoms for awhile
All medical tests shows good results on the basics
The short term focus is the following sticking points
- I cannot hold an erection throughout sex w. my girlfriend- She does turn me on and is a gorgeous cutie.
- Sex drive seems weak/non existent
- Im not connected with my arousal and sexual energies.
i want to dig into these issues and into what good sex is for me - especially undrstanding my own arousal and whats going on inside.
In short im currently
- Doing body sds to get more into my body
- Doing Multiorgasmic man reading and exercises
- Talking to my GF about this
- exploring sexual positions and stimulations
- Working out and eating properly
- doing trantric ball meditations to get bodily/kinestethic connection to the area down there.