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Many of you have no clue who I am outside of here and that is the only reason I can feel free enough to write this. I dont care what you may think but I have to talk to someone and I think you guys are better than nothing.
This has been one of the hardest weeks ive ever had I was told I would never see my niece again because I told her the truth about her mom it brings up all the issues ive had with my own mother I can count on one hand how many people I have ever trusted.
I woke up monday morning not knowing who I was anymore not liking the person ive become and ive tried to change it many times and i fail repeatedly someone I truly loved and told me they felt the same told me they want nothing to do with me and I dont know why I was given no reason whatsoever. Now that we covered how I got here
I wake up daily wanting to put a gun in my mouth the only reason I havent is because its the coward way out but daily it gets harder to deal with the pain the sadness and the hurt knowing im a failure I havent shed a tear in well over ten years and this week ive cried like a girl repeatedly I dont know where im going anymore but the pain is getting worse and Im afraid I cannot handle it much longer this may not make sense but it needed to come out one way or another and this is the only way noone that depends on me will know the pain thats inside.
it fucking sucks..ive been miserable for like a week and im ready to smash something..im full of rage and anger at the fact im depressed and down on myself..and hiding this shit from friends is really starting to get hard..i dont ask for help when i need it, the only emotion i ever really show is anger and idk what the hell to do anymore, im venting here because i dont know where else to do it. and i have to get this shit out of me im sick of trusting people who act like they give a shit and dont i miss my brother..fuck...