My entire "bisexual" portfolio.

Published by Skeptix in the blog Skeptix's blog. Views: 42

I've had some limited sexual encounters with other men, which I'll describe here. I learned stuff about myself - not all good - but I think I took away some valuable lessons from it all.

It basically boils down to three separate men. The first two were married and the occasions were threesomes with their wives. The last was just a mess and I wish I could have approached it differently.

1 - About 12 1/2 years ago (New Year's Eve, to be precise) I was online, chatting on Yahoo (back when it wasn't 100% bots like it is now) when I met a girl who seemed really cool and was pretty forward with me. Somehow we got around to the subject of what sort of things I was open to and I mentioned that I would be willing to hook up with a guy in the right situation. She said she and her husband were there together and were willing to meet me that night if I was interested...no pressure, just meet and see if we liked each other. I drove down to a meeting spot and after a little while talking they decided they'd like me to come down to their place. Amazingly enough I didn't chicken out. We spent a while at their place talking, playing cards, getting to know each other and getting comfortable. We talked about what sort of things we would like to do, how she wanted to watch me and him suck each other and he wanted to watch me have sex with her. We got along amazingly well for how shy I can be and the card game quickly turned to strip poker. A few hands later she was naked and I was eating her pussy while he was stroking my cock. It all seems like a dream now, but it went back and forth - me sucking him, him sucking me, me fucking her, him fucking her. I couldn't believe how well it all was going...and by the time I was driving home I was feeling high as a kite and I had only had one drink of champagne celebrating the new year while she rode his cock and sucked mine. Thing is...I never saw them again. They had five kids and I suppose they just never had another night on their own and perhaps they just didn't want to continue down that road once they'd done it. Rocked my fucking world, though...and I was obsessed with cock by that time.

2 - About ten years ago I put an ad in SexyAds about my willingness to hook up with another married couple. I actually got a fairly quick response and I set up a meeting with the husband in a public place (a Barnes & Noble, I think). We chatted for a while until we both felt pretty cool with each other and he took me back to their place to meet his wife. We hit it off pretty quickly too, only this time they were a bit more cautious, which was totally cool with me. Seems they'd been burned a couple times by other guys and wanted to know I wouldn't be an ass, only there to hook up with her and not involve him or something. It wasn't completely platonic that first time. We talked a couple hours and eventually the talk turned sexual and they began getting closer and holding each other. Eventually they were kissing and touching and when I left (at their request) she had that glazed look in her eyes that I got to know so well over the next few months that told me she was ready to go. I was so hot, though, that I had to stop a mile or so from their house that night and jerk off right there on the side of the road. We met up two nights later and, although I still wasn't actively involved, they let their guard down a lot more and after an hour or two of getting to know each other, we were all kissing each other and they started fucking literally in my lap. At some point I had my pants down and was masturbating while they were going at it doggy-style and watching me jerk off.
A week later we had all gotten our STD tests and couldn't wait to get started. They had two daughters, but I usually came over at night and the kids were in bed when the fun started, so I rarely saw them. I can't tell you how many nights I spent at their house. Some nights it was all three of us together and the next morning he'd have to leave for work and I got her all to myself. It got pretty serious for a while, but I held back a bit with him. I rarely got together with him alone and usually I felt a little uncomfortable unless she was with us. I don't know if it was him in particular or if it was my own hang up of being alone with another guy. I think I was also a little hesitant to let it advance to us being some sort of weird modified married threesome. They were sort of hinting along those lines, implying that I could come live with them and share the life. It didn't really end well. He started getting upset because he felt I was just in it because I wanted to fuck her, she got upset because I wasn't jumping whole-hog into the relationship. Just got weird and I sort of left on bad terms. I had almost no experience breaking up with people - been on the receiving end several times, but never had to do the ending myself. I still think about them a lot and I do wish I had not been that way with him. He was a good guy and a good friend, but I think at that point in my life I wasn't ready to have a "boyfriend" relationship with him and I wasn't good at expressing my feelings to them. I let my dick lead the way and it steered me a bit off course, I think.

3 - About seven or eight years ago I responded to a chat from a guy near me. He was very friendly and was willing to have me over and said there was no pressure to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I went over that night and we talked for a while, but things didn't really click between us all that well. Didn't have much in common and it was sort of awkward being in a stranger's apartment. I didn't feel in danger or anything...just not all that comfortable. At first I chalked it up to just me being a bit uptight. I let him give me a back rub and we even went to his bed and he sucked my cock for a while. I gave it a go, too...though I had trouble bringing myself to suck his cock. I ended up focusing mainly on his balls and after a little while I just felt like I had to get out of there. He was cool with it, but I just felt really stupid about the whole thing. To this day I don't know why I was so weird about this guy. He was really cool. Mild-mannered, didn't put any undue pressure on me. I didn't resist getting naked with him or anything like that. Part of it, I suppose, was knowing he was gay...not bi. He'd hooked up online before, so I sort of felt like I was just another anonymous guy. I also felt like I was being pretty stupid by not being all that safe with him. I've been tested since, so I'm not concerned about STDs even from the minimal contact we had...but I felt like I was just doing it to do it and not because I wanted to hook up with HIM specifically.

What I've learned from all this is that I'm a terrible actor. I absolutely cannot fake emotions or feelings I do not have. I can't pretend I'm enthusiastic about something I'm not interested in and there are probably only a handful of guys I would ever be willing to get truly intimate with. As much as I think about cocks and sucking them and even letting them inside me, I know in my heart I hold back a lot and it will be a special occasion that I let any guy get that close to me again. It may never happen. I've had one-night stands with women, fuck-and-run hook-ups with older and younger ladies that I probably would never want to date. But for some reason I want to at least like any guy I'm with as a friend...like talking to him and like who he is as well as how he looks. I don't think I will ever want a "boyfriend", but I like to think I might meet a guy that has common interests and a similar attitude as mine. Someone I might like to grab a beer with or even have over to the house to watch a movie or help me out with one of my many home improvement projects.

I dunno. Maybe I don't really know what I want. Maybe I've spent too much time in fantasyland. Maybe I just need a good stiff cock...or four. Maybe I'm only attracted to cock in the presence of a female?
  • Marcpatrick
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