I'm a little fucked up

Published by wanderingwife in the blog wanderingwife's blog. Views: 642

I'm a cheater. Always have been as long as I've been in relationships. In fact, I've gotten into relationships just so I can cheat. That's how fucked up I am.

Shrinks say I'm a serial cheater addicted to the chemical release associated with the forbidden sex. They say I'm a borderline narcissist, which I didn't believe for a long time (shocker right). Hyper sexuality was thrown around a lot in my sessions, along with compulsive sexual disorder. Basically, I'm fucked up.

I masturbated constantly as a teenager as I discovered the joys and excitement of involving others in my naked body. I was caught several times and punished but it wasn't until I was caught with a married neighbor that my parents put me in therapy.

What I learned is that I'm a horny girl that won't quit doing what she likes no matter what, and that my parents wasted a shit ton of money.

I explored my sexuality through one night stands, group sex, exhibitionism, S&M, etc. but nothing compared to infidelity.

In my younger years, I choose boyfriends based on the friends they had. I fucked my way around his circle of people and moved on. At the time I really was looking for a meaningful relationship and thought I got bored, but now I know my kinks.

My long term friendships are with men (makes sense) and I eventually married one of them.

For years I spoke of my infidelitous indescresions to this friend of mine. He listened and gave advice I never took. He finally worked up the courage and told me he had feelings for me. I shot him down. He persisted.

I accompanied him to a work function of his one night. I met a guy I decided I would fuck that night and told my friend (now husband) that I was leaving with this guy. My friend said let me at least give you a ride because he didn't work with or know this man. I agreed and we followed my soon-to-be one nighter back to his place.

I thanked my friend for the ride and went inside where I fucked the stranger from the work thing. I grabbed my stuff and went outside to call a cab. Much to my surprise, my friend was still parked in the same spot waiting for me! Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "what are you doing here?"
Friend: "waiting for you"
Me: "why?"
Friend: "to make sure my girl is
Me: "your girl?"
Friend: "sorry, girlfriend then"
Me: "we're dating?"
Friend: "aren't we?"
Me: "I don't know"
Friend: "I thought we were"
Me: "ok"

We "dated" a while longer before he popped the question.

He's been by far the most accepting of me. Never judged or asked me to stop being who I am. I love him for that. And he makes me laugh.

My husband knows almost all of my extra marital sex. I do have some secrets and I'm sure there's more to come. Sometimes he watches, sometimes he drops me off and picks me up. I tell him as much as I feel like.

Lately, I'm gravitating more and more toward humiliation and denial towards my husband. I'm not sure why. He seems to enjoy it. My only thought is I enjoy the control. He accepted me for who I am and robbed me of the opportunity to control him through sex like I've done my whole life. So, I believe I now control him through lack of sex. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Thanks for reading. This was fun.
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