Since I have no one to really talk to about it, I think i'll write again.
Hmm... I love sex. I love talking about it, learning about it, giving advice and understanding the how, what, when, why and where's of sex. But...lately I just feel so discouraged about it. I can't even orgasm during sex unless I have a toy or and it's the most discouraging thing now. After Amanda's sudden death, i've been focused on spending time with the people I care about the most and in making memories than having sex.
Sex is a memory but I wanna cuddle and enjoy each other without having to have sex, basically. For a while it never bothered me. I was always just content with being with the guy, but now it's pissing me off that I can't completely enjoy sex like other people. Yes, I know women have trouble orgasming. I've tried everything, and being in a long distance relationship doesn't allow me many opportunities either. I've gotten to the point where now if i'm horny i get annoyed and think 'whats the point'. I have such a bad attitude towards it lately and I kinda want nothing to do with it now because it seems like nothing will change.
It's like thinking about sex....I want it, but i'm scared and I don't really know why i'm scared but the feeling is there. The nervous feeling and the scared feeling before your first time... i guess that's how I feel. Except this isn't my first time so WTF -_-
I haven't even been in the mood to look at girls or find them attractive for a 3some. It's like I have this angry horni-ness inside me. UGHH.
The one time i'm horny before sex, he won't get hard because of the mind blowing bjs i give him. I always forget that's why I don't give blowjobs before sex or at least to make him cum because he'll take a long time to get hard and i get out of the mood by then.
Ugh this is sooo freakin frustrating. There's no point in worrying about it now since I won't see him for two weeks...but... it really is just a discouraging issue -_-
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