Well yesterday was one boring day. Ended up sorting my underpants into order based on size colour then number of holes. I wouldn't say some have skid marks but some of those farts must have reached 90 miles an hour.
Day time television is shite. There's a programme called flog it and I settled down with the wipes for some porn. What a disappointment that was. Things looked up when my old (not as old as me) buddy logged on to msn. 30 minutes later I still hadn't persuaded her to take her knickers off. There's always tomorrow. On my own most of the evening so I spent the time usefully doing fuck all. It's a good job you don't go on building up sperm if you don't shoot one out for ages. I'd have balls like a horse by now otherwise. It's also a good job that feet don't get bigger if you put on weight. 99% of the male population would be walking about like sumo wrestlers otherwise. Just how does that cheese get between your toes?
Another restless night. Dreamt about all manner of crap. When I need a pee I dream I find a toilet but it is always in a daft place like in a drawer or in shop window in Debenhams. I have to confess to pissing in a wardrobe many years ago after too many beers. Not as bad as my mate who didn't want to wake his wife up so he tried to shit in the kids potty. He missed and his wife heard the noise and came down and trod in it. My she did laugh. Another mate at Uni didn't discover his aged landlady was incontinent until he went to the bathroom in the dark barefoot and stood in one of her turds. Shit figures prominently in my life.
I wash my hair in the shower most mornings. Sometimes I leave it in the sink to soak then put it in the airing cupboard. My brother in laws dad bought a toupee and got nits in it. What a twat. No breakfast today. I hate to eat on an empty stomach. Thank God it's Friday. Fuck knows why as, I am doing the same this weekend as yesterday namely bugger all. Oooo forgot. Going to a bonfire. Hate fireworks. Waste of money. Our neighbour but one is called Guy. I wonder what he looks like with a banger up his arse. His wife is fit. Would shag her given half the chance. Mind you if this celibacy continues I'll shag him.
Suppose I'll finish here or the keyboard will get sticky again.
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