A Child

Published by Essene in the blog Essene's blog. Views: 35

I've never been one, whilst sober, to want to have a baby or get married. I usually protect myself from diseases and us from pregnancy. About four or so years ago- I knew a girl. I loved her and she loved me. However, as with many relationships, our relationship waned. I didn't want to have sex with her; but, out of what I assume was an end for her to achieve the means of swaying my want to not get back together with her, she wanted to have sex. I didn't have a condom; but she continuously nagged me to engage in coitus. It sounds bad, but to shut her up- I agreed to it. I agreed to it under the agreement that she would take Plan B later that day. She, of course, agreed. It was passionate and angry sex. She hadn't been on the pill for about two months- sot it was sodding stupid of me to have sex with her already knowing those conditions. Afterwards, she refused to take plan B. This infuriated me. But cest la vie, right?

After a week of hounding her, I gave up. She texted me "if I do get pregnant- I'll move away and you will never hear from me again."

Fast forward 4-5 years. She has, since, moved, we haven't spoken since then, and I can't find her via any personal search services.

I may have a child out there. Now, while I didn't and still do not want a child, if I did have a child from my loins I'd like to be part of his or her (hopefully a her) life both socially and financially.

This doesn't weigh on me very often; but when it does, it does so heavily.
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