Wrong to be turned on by my friend fantasising over my wife?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by dave007, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. dave007

    dave007 New Member

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    Hi,
    I'm new to this sort of site, but prob the best place to get some unbiased advise as I cannot talk to my friends about it.

    About 9 months ago my best mate wanted to wipe his computer and re-install his software but wanted to keep stuff from his my docs folder, so I lend him my old external hd.
    He used it, gave it back n that was that.
    About a month l8r we were out n got drinkin (my m8 n me). We were doing the guy thing talkin about the women we can see, 'yes she'd have it...nar she wouldn''...blabla'. As we talked he turned to me n said that my wife had a real gr8 body and bet she feels gr8. I laughed it off n said yea she is gd - and she is!. Then l8r I asked him about his earlier statement to which he said i should be careful about who i give my harddisc to, cos there is some 'material' on there that shouldn get around.
    I went cold straight away as I knew there were some old vids n pics of my wife... me having sex with her, and her in/out of some ann summers outfits etc... he said not to worry he hadn looked at em that close, but warned me to be careful.
    Thought ok, thanks... next morning, transferred the pics/vids to my main computer... wiped the external drive. and reformatted a whole load of times.

    About a month or so l8r, I was over his place... we were havin some beers n watchin streamin sports on TV from his pc. About 2hrs in (half time I think), he went to toilet n I had a look on his net. For some reason I clicked on his most viewed/recent files... n omg.. there were the pics n vids of me n misses - he had copied my hd.

    At first I freaked, but thought I'd talk to him - logical explanation n all.

    After a few more beers I was well hammered n gathered the confidence to talk about this. We were talking again n I said (as a joke), I've often thought about some1 watching with my wife.... a lie at the time.. but .. omg he said he'd do it, infact he would love to do her! I was like righto... n letting him talk on.. n he was like yeah he would love to.. I thought what! I laughed n said, you haven even seen her naked, dont even know what she is like.
    I cant believe I entertained the conversation.

    He just came out with it and said, he had copied the pics/vids and had spent many an hour wanking watching my wife do pretty much everything to me, and letting me do to her.... and he'd imagined what she would feel like on him. I was angry at first, but then got so turned on at the thought of him watching.. it scared me and I left.

    About another month had passed, and I got a text out of the blue from him on a saturday morning after a late one, asking why I had sent him 'those pics'. I was thinking, pics what pics... I logged onto my email, and in my sent items was 3 pics of my wife sucking me off and me spraying her... with a caption in the title ... I hope you like....

    I thought ,... omg...
    did not reply.... until a week l8r... asked what he had done with the pics, and he said he had looked at them and was amazed that my wife did stuff like he had seen.. she is so 'prim n proper' on the outside.

    I asked him if they turned him on, and he said yes... which strangely turned me on...

    From then on the conversations got more perverse, not sure if that is the right word to use... we would joke about what we could do as a 3some, or me watch him with her etc... and i would share other pics n vids of me n her.

    I love my wife, even though it may not seem like I do, and have not told her about any of this, because of that.. but I cannot help how it makes me feel.

    I have looked through loads of threads on here and other sites, but this is my first post!.... there are a lot of things i consider 'worse' (for want of a better word), than what I have done, not that I'm trying to justify it, or am ever judgemental.. but I wonder if I am on my own with this sort of thing...i.e. need help, or just 'normal' as non-mainstream goes...

    some feedback would b gr8, even if it may not be what I want to hear.
    dave
  2. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    Dave you're not alone. The story behind how you came to realize these feelings might be unique, but probably not. I can't explain why we get excited by the thought of our partners being fucked by other men, but it's pretty common.

    It's a long way from the idea to actually doing it though. I strongly recommend NOT trying to rush into anything - based on your post I'd say there is no way you are ready.

    Google "hotwives". You'll find several communities of men and women who share your kink.

  3. igor

    igor Gold Member

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    First of all please stop writing in shorthand - spell out the words will ya?

    OK - to the main topic - what you are experiencing apparently is not all that unusual.
    I personally do not understand it (seeing someone else "doing" my wife, or engaging in a 3-some) but I guess whatever floats your boat. If I were you i'd worry about the possibility of him saying something to her about it when she doesn't have a clue that those pictures got out. You can't undo what has been done. So no suggestions from me I'm afraid.
  4. north

    north New Member

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    Hi Dave & welcome.

    On to your dilemma now.
    You know your wife. Do you think she'd ever consider mixing things up and having a third party involved, even if the third party were just watching? I'm guessing the answer is "no", going on the way you described her.

    Another thing to consider: is there even a remote chance she might fancy your mate as well? If not, then you can forget it anyway because no woman would ever agree to have someone involved who she didn't find attractive...l know I wouldn't, at least.

    But if she does find your mate attractive and it turns out she is up for a 3-way, it would probably end up costing you more than you bargained for-- namely, your relationship. So it would seem you lose either way.

    Probably best for it to remain a fantasy, at least for the time being.

    Just my two cents...

    ((and oy, igor! Give the man a break, eh? We're here to support one another!))
  5. Barbwire

    Barbwire Gold Member

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    Welcome to the forums, Dave. Oh, and like Igor said, please don't use text speak here. We old folks get cranky when we have to try to figure it out. :lol

    OK, you said to give it to ya straight, even if you wouldn't like what some people had to say. I'm afraid I'm one of those people.

    Let me state the facts as I see them and you can tell me if I'm right.

    1. Friend snoops around the hard drive you lent him and finds homemade porn of you and your wife.

    2. You snoop around on your friend's computer and find he has saved the pics.

    3. You email your friend pics of your wife and you having sex and forgot you'd done it.

    4. You are getting both yourself and your friend all worked up discussing a 3 way with your wife.

    5. Meanwhile, your wife has no idea that you have let your friend violate her privacy.

    Seems to me that you can't trust your friend, but worst of all, your poor wife can't trust you. To me, it doesn't matter how hot you get thinking about her banging your friend or if you can get her to do it. What matters most is you betrayed your wife and that's majorly fucked up, if you ask me. How could you "forget" you have private pics of her on your external hard drive and then, once again "forget" that you emailed your friend more pics of your wife?

    Honesty, trust, and faith are 3 things that are vital when couples want to bring another person into their bedroom. I suggest you work on those, especially honesty, before you make plans for setting up a date with your wife and your friend.
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2010
  6. oldergentleman

    oldergentleman New Member

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    He's not much of a friend if you ask me. He should not have copied your personal information, pictures at all. I do agree that his statement of being more careful of what you have on your hard drive, but it's none of his business. Just don't do it again.

    I would let things settle for several weeks and see where your feelings are. Don't rush into something that you might regret later.

    Just my humble honest opinion.
  7. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    OK Dave,

    A few comments after reading everyone else's posts.

    1. Did you or did you not send him the pics? That wasn't clear to me.

    2. He is a dirt bag for copying your stuff.

    3. He gets a point back in his favor for coming clean about having copied them. You brought it up, someone else with you and the wife, as I read your post and he told you he'd copied them. So, he's a sneak but, he did tell you about it without you asking, right?

    4. No wife/GF (or guys) or what have you, in this day and age, has any business expecting pics to NEVER get out. I mean, if it is 100% understood no sharing, then it's up to your honor to her. Otherwise, in the back of her mind there is an understanding that maybe, just maybe, a pal gets a peek and, to me, no harm no foul if it isn't malicious and you're not breaking a promise.

    5. You really need to talk to wifey about bringing another person to bed with you two and start to get her thoughts and feelings. That way, you can shut it down with the mate right now if that is wife's wishes or...you can move a step or two closer to making it happen.

    Now, we get to the heart of the matter. Group sex is NOT for everyone. It might sound great in theory but, that doesn't mean you're gonna dig it when it's happening and if he is ploughing her like the back 40 and she's losing her mind. So, IF it is good with your wife, then you might wanna think about it. Would it 'just' be sex? There's no reason, in an objective sense, that you three can't have fantastic adult time once in awhile and that's all it is.

    Subjectively, are you excited if he makes her cum? Are you really OK with him licking her pussy? Are you really OK if he cums on her face? Is he? Again, this is AFTER it is not only OK but a real interest of hers. And, are you going to be fine with it if she looks at you and says "That's great, hon. I've been thinking about what you buddy is like in the sack for a long time..."

    It can be a total train wreck or it can be a happy, healthy, mature thing and that is TOTALLY about you and your wife and your 'mate'.

    Proceed with caution.
  8. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    PS: The original question :lol:

    No, it is not 'wrong' to get turned on by the idea of your 'mate' fucking your woman like a a wild animal and making her squeal in pure delight and her grabbing his ass with both hands and swollowing every inch of his dick and slurping his jizz up like she hasn't eaten in a week.

    :cheers:
  9. TheMotion

    TheMotion New Member

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    I don't think it's wrong to be turned on, but I do agree that the way it happened and evolved isn't perfect. But ya know, people stumble into stuff all the time. It's rarely perfect or planned.
    I know that all my friends want my wife; I'm the envy of everyone I know. But knowing that in greater detail feels like a violation, too close to home. Any "sharing,'" in thought or action, would have to be at a "greater distance" as far as I'm concerned.