Would you find this weird?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by AGFUNK, Apr 22, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

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    My husband has an online role playing game. His character is female. He created a whole story about her and is working on making a museum with this character. His character also has a girlfriend. They talk all while in character about their relationship and working on the museum stuff like that. Well the other night while we were out of town his character and the girlfriend had sex. So basically he was cybering with someone else. I've talked to him about this and seen some of the chats. He stays in character. He doesn't masturbate to it. He says it's not cheating. I'm kinda on the fence with it. It's just weird to me. I don't understand it. Any thoughts would be welcome.
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    I don't understand it either.

    It might not be "cheating" but if if makes you uncomfortable, he should respect you and stop.
     
  3. AGFUNK

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    I'm not really sure how it makes me feel. I've asked him not to tell me about it. I hate hearing about his game anyway.
     
  4. JonJo

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    Totally lost - His character is female, who is a lesbian/bi and he stays consistently in character.
    Then he actually plays it while you are away and they have sex.
    Does his 'girlfriend' know that he is a male?

    Yes,in his head he is 'cheating', or something weird is going on.

    You asked for it so I'm going to say it: I think you hubby's behaviour towards you and sex with you, his masturbation, his attitude to your masturbation, his game playing, etc..., verges on the weird all the time.
     
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  5. 10_3XL

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    It is a little strange the extent to which he has taken the (sexual) in-game relationship. As one who also frequently plays online role playing games (remember: I'm a dork!) I can say that if you get really involved in the game then you do end up getting quite elaborate with your character(s) and interactions. I have a group that I am a member of in-game and we also hang out in life and we all use our in-game names, personalities, and such when interacting out-of-game... Online role playing games are an interesting thing/culture all unto themselves. (Kind of like us here on SF :p)

    I'd say to not be OVERLY concerned about the interaction and involvement. More than likely he is just using it as a fantasy/outlet and it reflects in no way on you. If the cybering and such with this other person continue to increase in frequency and/or intensity THEN you should start to worry.
     
  6. AGFUNK

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    I'm pretty sure the other person is also male, not many females play the game. My husband is also bi so gender really doesn't make a difference. And yea I know he's just weird period. We were all out of town. He took his computer with. He has also asked for me to suck him while he's talking to the game person. I said I would think about it.

    Thanks 10. Kinda makes me feel better hearing it from another role player. I play video games myself but I don't role play like that.
     
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  7. John W

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    What??? You are there for real and he wants to cyber chat with another guy as a woman? I don't get it.

    We are finding this forum a lot of fun. I've been on it for a few months and my wife has just recently joined. It gives us something to talk about in bed, so I get the online chat. I guess I don't understand what your husband gets out this.

    I guess if he is open about it and you are aware, just go with it. Maybe create a character as a guy yourself? Heck, I don't know.
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    He's asked me to play. I created an account used it once and that's it. It doesn't interest me.
     
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  9. John W

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    Hmm. I personally don't get it, but if it gets him going, I guess roll with it. If he is doing that instead of being with you however, well that's another conversation entirely.
     
  10. 10_3XL

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    It is definitely not for everyone - which is totally okay and understandable. Perhaps I can explain a little bit further what might be going on with this situation (from my perspective/experience)...

    Your husband is pretty clearly very into this game and has invested a lot of personal time and energy into creating this character and establishing her within the game's world. Like any other hobby/activity, if you put that much into something then you are bound to become very strongly attached to it. (I have cried when there was a server crash and I lost all info on my role playing game account once.) On some level and in some ways that character is no longer entirely fictitious. Due to how personal role play can become then a part of you becomes your character and vice versa. It is still a fantasy, but it is a very powerful one. Most of us "gamers" (and I include your husband in this group) though VERY invested and attached to our characters/fantasy can still differentiate between reality and in-game.

    As far as the cybering and such: It is part of the fantasy. The person on the other end of the Internet's gender is irrelevant. Their location is irrelevant. Who/what/where they are in-game is the only thing of importance (again: fantasy and role play, reality holds no real sway there). I've gone down that road with other people in-game before and I'm sure that more than a few of those encounters with female characters were with male people. It's not important as far as enjoyment of the illusion/fantasy/game/whatever what the real world person is that you are interacting with...

    Sorry, I just am trying my best to explain the "pyschology" of online gamers (and perhaps to justify myself as a gamer a little bit). I know I talk a lot and it's kinda wandering, but I'm just trying to help and set your mind at ease. :)

    Yes, John W, this is completely correct! When the fantasy/illusion begin directly interfering with and causing conflict in real world it is time to either take a break or call it quits. From the game, of course, unless it has somehow mucked up your relationship that badly. :eek:
     
  11. AGFUNK

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    That kinda makes me feel better. There is a whole history with his gaming and sex but so not going there tonight.
     
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  12. John W

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    Sounds like you married Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.
     
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  13. John W

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    Didn't mean to come across as a jerk here, that was an attempt at humor. Re-read, looked like I was being a jerk. Not my intent, sorry.
     
  14. 10_3XL

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    There are worse comparisons out there. I always seem to get Chris Griffin (from Family Guy) or Comic Book Guy (from The Simpsons).

    Just gotta make it a badge of honor. Ex: To this day my nickname from freshman year "Uncle Candy" (in 'honor' of my resemblance to the late John Candy) is still what most of my friends call me. Which I'm totally cool with because (a) John Candy was a great actor and (b) Uncle Buck was a great character of his. :)

    Sorry! Wandered off-topic there... o_O
     
  15. AGFUNK

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    You guys got a laugh out of me. Funny stuff.
     
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  16. lbushwalker

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    I don't understand it either but that does not make it any less fascinating.
    From where I sit it looks like living a fantasy but instead of one head in cyberspace where there are no limits such as in real life and yet interactions are still possible whereas inside one's head this is a little more difficult to achieve.
    In that regards it must be a wonderful thing especially the gender reverses which again I most interesting.
    Power to him I say so long as like XL said it does not digress into or consume reality.
     
  17. JonJo

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    AGFUNK in no way am I, or I am sure the other posters, getting a laugh out of you - all the posts have been in their own way directed at the posters thoughts on your 'problem' and are hopefully trying to understand and help.
    Despite what 10 3XL says I personally disagree because in his own way I also think that he has a 'problem', at his age and (supposed) maturity: "More than likely he is just using it as a fantasy/outlet and it reflects in no way on you" - if somebody needs a 'fantasy outlet' to that extent, then something is missing in their 'real' lives, and as your hubby has you and the little guy then whatever is missing is reflecting on your lives but is not down to any 'fault' on your part but rather 'total immaturity' on his.
    We all have our fantasies but those of us in true relationships also know and acknowledge our responsibilities to our real lives and which/what takes priority.
    This really does bother me and yes, as he has you and the little guy, annoys me on a human to human basis - He took his computer with (us?). You have been looking forward to and planning for this outing for weeks, despite your personal problems, and he takes his computer with him; is he a totally self-centred, uncaring kid, only interested in what he wants?
    "He has also asked for me to suck him while he's talking to the game person. I said I would think about it" - WTF is that about? He doesn't give you the sexual attention you have been obviously needing, again despite your personal problem, and yet he expects you to suck him off, while he is to all intends and purposes having cyber-sex with another person; mentally cheating - just how unfeeling, unthinking, can he get - inconsiderate, self centred, utterly selfish, not living in the real world, doesn't even begin to describe his actions.
    As for you "thinking about it" I personally think the only things you should be thinking about are a) smashing his computer over his head the next time he suggests anything like that; b) telling him to fucking well grown up and be a real man (bi or not) and face up to his family responsibilities; c) showing him the door and telling him that if his virtual reality is so important to him to go and try living in it because you aren't willing to try.
    Again personally I think that anybody with family responsibilities that goes so far into fantasy needs psychiatric help, I think that even a 'teenager' (no matter what their real age) that when so far would need it.

    Again I stress these are my personal opinions on your problem - you have got a problem and for your own sanity and the little guy's well-being it needs sorting out and soon.
     
  18. 10_3XL

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    Jonjo, I see what you are saying and believe it or not completely agree. I'm admittedly very lacking in many ways as far as the Real World/Reality is concerned. That is what led me to getting so heavily into things like online games and forums and chat sites and such. But, allow me to defend myself (though I know you meant no offense or to "attack") by saying that over the past year I have done much to alter that aspect! Besides, if I was still in Never Out-Of-Game/Take My Laptop Everywhere mode then The Lady would have ditched my sorry ass ages ago!
    Again, yes to this. Part of what brought me to Reality from my various fantasy existences was through a lot of help and social coaching. Also many wonderful friends, family members, and of course The Lady... Jonjo, your reply to this was a lightbulb moment for me in that I hadn't realized how much I was being forgiving of AG's husband's behavior due to its parallels to my own history. Thank you, as always, for your great thoughts!
     
  19. Alwayslearningsex

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    Taken a bit far for a fantasy.
     
  20. AGFUNK

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    I've been thinking about it. I do think he spends too much time on it but that will change as the weather gets warmer since we will be out of the house more. He was trying to show me all of the messages and I really don't want to see them or really hear about it. I have a lot of resentment towards that game. If he wants to play it fine but I don't want to hear about it.
     
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