Would any guys go for this?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Bluesy, Sep 3, 2007.

  1. Bluesy

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    So I have pretty much concluded that I would like to stay single for the rest of my life, and have my own place. I would consider myself the luckiest woman alive to meet Mr. Right and have a love relationship that would last a lifetime, but the thing is, I don't want to be a Mrs. Right. I cherish having my own space, my own routine...and I think it would keep things fresh if we didn't live together. To my mind, a marriage certificate is just a piece of legal paper, it doesn't mean you're any more committed to one another than couples who aren't married. So what I'm wondering is whether or not this sort of relationship appeals to any of you guys. How would you feel if you fell in love with a woman who wanted to maintain separate residences and wasn't a fan of marriage?
     
  2. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    Marriage isn't such a big deal. But never the possibility of living together? Personally, no way. Fuck that.

    Also, unless no marriage, no living together AND no sex was part of the deal, wouldn't you be staying at each other's place pretty often? And hence almost effectively be living together anyway?
     
  3. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    Not getting married wouldn't bother me much at all, but I really would want to live with the girl I loved...I don't know how I'd deal with not being able to. It would be so inconvenient going back and forth to spend time together, eh?
     
  4. cbrmale

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    In my country less than half of couples get married, so marriage isn't a big deal to me. As for not living together, I wouldn't consider it as an option for a long-term relationship, and it doesn't strike me as 'love'.

    As a relationship with sex option, staying at someone's house or they staying at yours is very disruptive.
     
  5. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I understand what you are saying Bluesy, i love my own space and when i have to spend a lot of time with people i crave it all the more.
    I still don't think i could be in a long term relationship without living together though. I would just need my own space/room where my partner would know i needed to be alone, but i guess that is how having your own place would work, its somewhere of you own to retreat to if needed. I saw on TV recently a couple that were i think married but lived seperately (but i think they lived next door to each other) so it clearly can work but it would require finding someone who felt exactly the same as you to not cause problems.
     
  6. n1ck

    n1ck New Member

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    :bow WOW, I would go for that in a second.
    but does that mean that you are commited to that one person, and cant be with others in that time?
     
  7. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Sure...




    ...if you find a man who looks at it the same way. He'd be a guy who is very happy enjoying his cave most of the time and will do his own housework, cooking on some level, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. In other words, he's happy to take care of himself.

    He'd also be a guy who was happy traveling, depending on how far apart you'd be. Which also means you'd have to be happy traveling his way some of the time as well.

    He'd be a guy who was looking forward to very full weekends that would keep him satisfied until the next time.

    Back to the travel thing. I'd be curious how well it went if you were close, like in the same town. I would think the tendency would be to fall into the normal familiarity and be at each others homes all the time. Some distance, not too far away, but far enough, would help enforce the borders, so to speak. I think people move in and get married for convenience sake, for the most part. "We want to be together ALL the time!" *shudder*

    There'd need to be financial independence, obviously. No one needs the others money.

    Add to all this the friendship and compatibility required to make the time together so looked forward to.

    I had a damn near perfect relationship once. And ruined it with marriage. Just stone killed it.

    Had a marriage out of high school that was just about sex. That didn't last long.
    Had another one that got me my kids. At least something good came from it.
    This last one has been the best and worst rolled into one.

    So, the common denominator in my failed marriages seems to be obvious; I lived with them! :lol

    Of course, their position may be that the common denominator was...me! :lol

    Long term marriages seem to have their own common denominators; You've learned to put up with each other and to enjoy the common things that can only come from time.
    So, you learn to live a life of compromise. :ugh

    I'm sure there is more to add to the list in terms of personality, what makes you tick, that would make that kind of lifestyle a good option. But, yeah, he's out there for you somewhere.
     
  8. Dreama

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    I actually know a couple who does this. It works out well for them, apparently. They don't live far from one another, but live in separate houses...One even has children..I think it definitely gives people room, if they are uncomfortable with marriage.
     
  9. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Never having been married myself , im happy to stay clear from that i guess.
    Are you meaning that it would be an exclusive relationship, you and the guy, although not living together ?
    If so i have done that before and i have to say i enjoyed it a lot, although from time to time her and i did spend the odd night together.
    For the right woman i think i would be happy to sit downand chat through how each would be happiest in the relationship.

    But with time also comes change, meaning both people you and he could end up wanting more from one another
     
  10. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I live 45 miles away from the lady I go with now. We have been going out for two years and will never get married. We see each other once or twice a month.
     
  11. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Not the road to happiness

    I think what you are describing is having something like a "friend with benefits" or a "fu.k buddy" to get some sex when you feel like it. Fine if that works for both of you, but what is there to keep it together? He is free to trade you in on a younger model with perkier breasts, a tighter vagina and fewer wrinkles next year? What happens when your breasts are below your belly and nearly flat, your skin all wrinkled, and all those other signs of aging we despise. Who do you expect to stand by you when the Dr tells you he just found a lump in your breast and needs to remove it? Your hair turns gray and begins to fall out, who then? You have a heart attack and are unable to do anything for yourself for weeks? Your in an accident, through no fault of your own, but your head went thru the windshield -- will he come over then?

    I'm thinking you have the wrong idea of Mrs. Right, to be someone you are not. But rather to be just exactly who you are and Mr. right will love you for being just that one, and looks forward each night to coming home to be with you and waking in the morning to find you there beside him.

    I was just listening to Pres Reagan's diary being read, and how many times he mentions how empty the White House felt when Nancy was away. And just how happy he was when she returned. She lite his fire until the end and he lite hers if only in her memories as the end approached.
     
  12. billyjack

    billyjack New Member

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    I myself have been married two times and if this one goes bad ..I will not marry again. I personally think the situation you have presented would be awesome.. I have come to really enjoy my time and space and will not totally give it up again if this marriage comes apart. Just my opinion.
     
  13. bigballs69

    bigballs69 New Member

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    yea i agree
     
  14. dwj21

    dwj21 New Member

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    if i ever were to get a divorce, and i do not want one btw, i would consider that type of chick the exact kind i would be looking for. i will never remarry if i ever had the opportunity. so yeah that would work.
     
  15. igor

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    If I were to have another relationship, I think that type of arrangement would appeal to me.
     
  16. grow4it

    grow4it New Member

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    I think true love means wanting to be with the person you love rather than alone so I couldn't have that type of relationship unless it was strictly casual. Marriage is different, although I still like the concept myself.
     
  17. Bluesy

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    Thanks for the responses, guys :) (And gals!) And if anyone else would like to contribute their opinion, please feel free to do so.

    Yes. It would be just as committed as any marriage. Except that we wouldn't be promising each other anything...promises can be broken.

    Tell me, is it somehow more Ok to cheat on a boyfriend than a husband? Um, NO. You're assuming that living together=more commitment. You couldn't be more wrong. If you love someone, you're there for them. They mean the whole world to you and you would gladly sacrifice your life to save theirs without having to think about it--and not because you have the same key to the front door or a piece of paper declares you family, but because of how you feel about them.

    I never want anyone to feel obligated to stay with me, anyway. If they should fall out of love, I don't want a mortgage or a marriage vow to prevent them from doing what's best for them. Because I know that what's best for me is to be with someone whose love I will never, ever have to doubt. If there's nothing holding them there, binding them to me, then they're with me because that's where their heart feels at home. If they feel the need to move on, then so be it. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship with a person who feels "stuck".

    Holy shit. I don't plan on falling for a shallow jerk. I think I've learned enough about men to be able to distinguish between a man of substance and a sleazebag. A marriage certificate isn't going to make a sleazebag more committed, anyway. He'll just have an affair with the hotter, younger number.

    I thought it was interesting that a couple of people think there's a definite correlation between love and sharing living space. Like, if you don't want to live with someone, that must mean that you don't really love them (or love them enough). I wonder why you gentlemen feel so strongly about that. Maybe you would take it as an insult if you fell in love with a woman (assuming you were single, of course) who didn't want to live with you; you'd take it very personally. Maybe it depends on the type of person you are, too. I don't think an arrangement like this could ever work unless both are introverts who cherish their solitude and are highly independent individuals. It would be a matter of both loving, no, craving, a space of their own, and the freedom that goes along with that. You would have to be very trusting, and enjoy doing things on your own, making your own decisions, and setting your own routine. There's a high degree of autonomy involved, that's for certain. I guess it's really hard to understand the appeal unless you're the type of person who needs to be fully independent in order to be happy.

    I don't see how it would be disruptive to visit each other and have overnights. A visit here, a visit there, an overnight here, a weekend together there. It would be like having your own life, and then your "together life". Some people are always having friends and family members dropping over...I don't see how it would differ that much. So you keep a few toiletries at their place, and they keep a couple items of food you like in their fridge. It's no biggie.

    You youngins who've never been married or lived with anyone long-term...:lol You'll see. The excitement of living together wears off before long and everyone craves some space and solitude after a while. Most couples can overcome the stagnation of familiarity and devise ways to get some alone time, but it is challenging. I'm not knocking cohabitation, but just saying that it comes bundled with its own pitfalls and difficulties. You just don't get it until you've been there, done that.

    Again, thanks!
     
  18. cbrmale

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    A marriage where you are living together needs some together time and some alone time too. Living together can work, as long as you respect the need to be separate at times, and as long as you have a house where you can have privacy.

    In our marriage we spend time together, we share some interests, we always holiday together, and we enjoy each others company. But we also have individual interests which we don't share, and these interests are the 'me' time that we both need. Indeed, the thing that attracted me to my wife more than anything else was her feisty independance. Not independance to the point of separate living arrangements, but certainly someone who wasn't going to be a millstone as some partners can be.
     
  19. Bluesy

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    This isn't a living separately vs. living together thread. I never said that cohabitation/marriage aren't workable, I only asked how men would feel about entering into a relationship like the one I've described. I know there are blissfully married couples who never tire of living together, I don't doubt that.

    I took issue with your harsh, and unsubstantiated, judgment against those who don't choose to live together. Ok, it wouldn't work for you, but that doesn't mean two people who are desperately in love can't have a perfectly healthy relationship while living independently.
     
  20. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    The way i see it Bluesy is when a relationship is at the beginning most couples are not living together, usualy it takes years for that to happen, or it did where i came from.
    It was usualy called a courtship, romance love fun and learning baout each other fully. Like you said these days it seems to be " will you go out with me sort of thing, my god yes, move in this moment ....
    where has the learning to know someone first, getting to enjoy everything they love and them getting to know all the things you love, moon light dinners walks along the beach making lovee and talking endlessly about anything and everything....


    Or is it just me ?
    For someone i loved cherished adored and was unable to go a day without thinking about them ,in my minds eye i would walk on hot coals for them, i would do anything for them and to be with them. ( not nessicerialy meaning live with them)