would a three some help or destroy him?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by kittyd000m, May 2, 2011.

  1. kittyd000m

    kittyd000m New Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. We are very happy together in all aspects of our life, except, he's very inexperienced sexually and im not, making him jealous and very sexually frustrated at times.

    Him: He got an STD when he lost his virginity, making him scared to have sex with other girls and not want to transfer it to others. He's had five long term girlfriends including myself and those are the only people he's had sex with. His last girlfriend was a stripper and cheated on him many times, but he stayed with her for nine years.

    Me: I'm bisexual, and women usually find me attractive. I get approached by them often, and some times this leads to us making out/fondling each other, ect.

    Not until this weekend did my boyfriend mention how much this hurts him. Not because he's jealous that I'm making out with someone else, but because he feels left out. I mentioned us having a three some or at least him having sex with me and me playing around with the girl, (so that he doesn't infect her) or having sex next to another couple and the girls playing around. I'm not sure if he's ready or wanting this or if it would help but I want him to be happy. I've done this type of thing a few times and it's never turned out bad, but then again he isn't used to any of it and I'm not sure how it would affect him or our long term relationship.

    Any kind of input would be helpful, we are willing to try just about anything. I'm not sure what to do or who I can talk to about this.

    I'm sorry, I wasn't very clear. Me making out with girls is a tiny part of the big problem, although I told him I'm not going to do that anymore. He said that it wouldn't make him upset if he didn't have his own issues, girls cheating on him, not having much experience, ect. He's frustrated that he hasn't had much experience and has hinted that he wants to fool around together but thinks girls aren't attracted to him and doesn't want to spread his std.
     
    #1 kittyd000m, May 2, 2011
    Last edited: May 2, 2011
  2. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,093
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    Then stop.
     
  3. kittyd000m

    kittyd000m New Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm sorry, I wasn't very clear. Me making out with girls is a tiny part of the big problem, although I told him I'm not going to do that anymore. He said that it wouldn't make him upset if he didn't have his own issues, girls cheating on him, not having much experience, ect. He's frustrated that he hasn't had much experience and has hinted that he wants to fool around together but thinks girls aren't attracted to him and doesn't want to spread his std.
     
  4. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,093
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    Let's break this down into different parts. Let's start with his STD. What are the two of you doing to try to keep you from getting it?
     
  5. nurseharley

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,618
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    sweet home...
    this seems like a lot to throw on him. i don't think he's exactly ready for this kind of experience, and probably won't ever be.

    1 vote for destroying the both of you.
     
  6. outofcontrol

    outofcontrol New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2010
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    this
     
  7. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,093
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    I think she already covered that in her reply. She says she already told him she would stop. That's a good step to take. I think it can be taken further into a bigger discussion about committment.

    I think this guy needs a lot of reassurance. He thinks girls don't find him attractive, but maybe he needs to be reminded that the girl he actually won does find him attractive. He feels that he doesn't have enough experience compared to her, so maybe she needs to reassure him about the sex life that they're having together now--their relationship is growing and he's getting more experience every day! He's concerned about his STD, and that's one of the things that lead me to ask my question, so I'm waiting for her answer.
     
  8. kittyd000m

    kittyd000m New Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    We used condoms for about 6 months but I ended up getting it anyway. He has a kidney disease and can't take any medication for it so it's really hard not to transfer. The things I've done with girls since I've been with him has been very mild and safe.

    The more I think about it the more I think a three some is a bad idea, he isn't ready and I don't want him to be uncomfortable or awkward.

    I think you're right, Meee, I do try to make him feel like the great man that he is and should continue to do so, hopefully it does help in the long run. I want to be with him forever and there has never been anyone I've felt that way about.
     
  9. Kermit

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2010
    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    Why are you making out with other girls? Granted you're bisexual but how would you feel if he was making out with other girls? Because you're approached? Hmmm i'll have to try that excuse on my wife, "oh honey i just get approached i can't help it i have no self-control!" Okay granted you've stop that behavior, but he might be jealous, why not grant him the experience yourself or are just talking about numbers? I mean what can being with more women grant him you yourself can't grant?

    Don't take it personally just trying to wrap my head around this, mainly your psychology on the subject.