Women Who Have Had Kids I Need Some Advice

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Fliteskates, Feb 7, 2011.

  1. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    My wife gave birth a few weeks ago and they had to cut her (Episiotomy) to take our daughter out with forceps.

    She let me look at it today because she is concerned with how it looks.

    I had her lay on the bed and you can literally see inside her vagina now and it is gaping pretty wide (sorry to be so graphic).

    I know my mother had this done and she said she returned to normal and for my wife not to worry, but she seems pretty distraught.

    I don't know what to tell her or what to say, but I keep reassuring her it will be fine. She is still bleeding and wearing the pads, etc, if that helps tell you where she is currently at.

    Anyone on here go through this? I am trying to find out more online to help my wife feel better, but don't know where to start though.
     
    #1 Fliteskates, Feb 7, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  2. Mittimer

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    With my mother being so tiny they had to nearly split her from hole to hole to get my oldest brother out. She was a small 90 pounds and he a whopping 8 lbs. I just called her to ask and she says that she went back to normal completely.

    I honestly don't think your wife has much to worry about. The body does some amazing stuff to accommodate birth. Once she's done healing and the stitches are taken out and she feels comfortable enough to work with her lady parts again, have her do some kegal exercises. Maybe invest in some Ben Wa balls or the like?
     
  3. Bretright

    Bretright New Member

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    Well I am not a woman or a mom, but I am married to one. At this time it is very critical to understand how emotional your wife probably is. Her self esteem is at risk here so tread lightly. Have her talk to friends or relatives who have gone through childbirth. Have her talk to her doctor and the nurses and assure her that the human body is an amazing thing and that she should be patient and after a few weeks she will see significant changes. Well, thats all I got. I hope it helped.
     
  4. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    I will totally go back to normal man..
     
  5. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    She mustn't worry, she will go back to normal. I've had 5, ranging from 6 to 10 lbs and am back to normal.

    If its only been a few weeks then she hasn't yet had time to heal and the baby blues are probably kicking in any time now. Tell her she is beautiful!

    Congratulations on your new bundle of joy :)
     
  6. Stefanie

    Stefanie New Member

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    Don't worry, that is totally normal. :) It's going to be a little bit before she is fully recovered from giving birth. Her cervix is still dilated and her vagina is going to take a bit to go back to normal.

    Once she has doctor approval that everything has healed up, one thing she can do to speed the recovery process is kegel exercises, like Mittimer said. She can get Ben Wa Balls or Pleasure Pods to use, as they make it easier for women to grip and exercise their pelvic floor muscles properly. It's easier for beginners to start with larger balls, so if you two can get something that's about 3/4" in diameter, that should work well. They tighten up the PC muscles and can make sex feel better for both of you.
     
  7. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Thx for the replies all...

    If she had normal childbirth I don't think it would be such a worry, but since she had an episiotomy she is kind of worried.

    Today is the first time I saw it, and obviously I can see why she is worried because it is just a gaping hole. But I just told her it would be fine and reminded her of what my mom told us.

    I'm doing some research now online and it seems like it can take 6 weeks or more to heal. I just can't find anything that says when the hole will close to reassure her.

    I just don't know if the hole is from childbirth or the episiotomy... I feel like a noob asking this stuff but I am not going to pretend I know anything about it. I just want to find some real answers to help my wife feel better.

    We will talk to the midwife on Th when we go and hopefully get some solid answers.

    The good thing is she says she isn't in much pain... and other women who have had episiotomy procedures I've read about online, have said they were in a lot of pain 3 weeks later.
     
  8. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    She just looked down there today for the first time since the baby was born and it is the first time I have seen it since she asked me to look also...

    I could literally see inside her vagina so I understand why she is worried.

    But is this gape in her vagina from the episiotomy or simply from giving birth?

    I think that is what has her worried.
     
  9. backcheck64

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    As long as it isn't infected, she'll be fine. My son was too big for my wife, scheduled C section, our daughter was too close behind so C number two. She recovered faster from the C section than her sister or anyone else we know thats had vaginal births...and since she is a schedule freak, she knew exactly when it would go down. Sons still got a fat head LOL, damn smart ass 164IQ.
     
  10. CruelTease

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    This is one reason why I had a section. Just reading this stuff makes me feel ill. I have so much respect for women who do have natural births, they are so much braver than I was. I'm just a big wimp.
     
  11. Flame

    Flame New Member

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    She will go completely back to normal :)

    But I do have one question: The episiotomy was sutured, correct? I ask because you mention a gaping hole, but if you are just talking about the size of the vagina it is normal that is it still stretched out for the moment because it will, like the belly, take a while to go back to its former size.
     
  12. Bretright

    Bretright New Member

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    Isnt anatomy fun!
     
  13. HardRocker

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    Probably still recovering from the birth, unless she has ripped her sutures out. My wife did that within a few days of the birth, but it still healed normally. And it didn't affect her tightness.

    Even if on the off chance something unusual is going on, which is unlikely, they can still repair it after everything else is back to normal.
     
  14. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    My wife actually had a small tear along with her episiotomy. Some basics about care
    Don't touch unless hands are clean. Avoid infection.
    Ice packs are helpful
    With hazel and or hemmoroid pads
    Use a spray bottle when peeing.
    Warm baths
    Get a pillow or inflatable ring.
    Kegels.

    Lots of TLC and patience. Reassure her she'll be fine. Because she will be.
     
  15. collette

    collette Member

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    I had two boys vaginally - episiotomy with one ~ and I purposefully avoided touching or for gosh sake looking down there for months afterward - LOL - what were y'all thinking. It will be fine :)
     
  16. Stefanie

    Stefanie New Member

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    Really, I'm dittoing what everyone said again - it's totally normal! The vagina is an amazing part of a woman's reproductive organs, and it's designed to stretch to accommodate a baby and then go right back into it's previous shape. She pushed a baby out of it, so it had to stretch to a large enough diameter to fit. It's going to take some time for things to shrink again, but it will. A few weeks isn't much to worry about - it can take more than 2 months for things to fully recover. As far as the episiotomy goes, that should be stitched or sutured up and healing already.
     
  17. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Trust me, I didn't want to look but she was pretty concerned so I did. Wasn't the best moment of my life, but I did it out of love for my wife. I was hoping not to see anything until she was healed, you know?

    I assumed the hole/gape was there because she is still dilated, and wasn't from the cut.

    It seems quite obvious but I am not one who pretends to know things and would rather get help from people who know more than me.

    Thx for the help everyone... we have talked to people we know who have had kids and they assured us that it has nothing to do with the episiotomy and is natural for any woman who just gave birth.

    I just wanted to get as many perspectives as possible on it, thus my post here.
     
  18. andretti

    andretti New Member

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    Be sure to tell her what a trooper she is. Yes, she's worried, but look what she's brought into the world. She deserves a medal.

    Sounds like you're being patient (which is a very good thing). But I recommend going one step further: try building her up by praising her and thanking her, not merely allaying her fears.

    She's done great, and she'll be fine!

    Congrats on the new kiddo!
     
  19. sinner

    sinner New Member

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    Oh yeah. Andretti is right. Congrats!!!!!!!
     
  20. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Thx

    I'm already on top of most of the stuff you mentioned... thanked her on several occasions and got her an ice cream cake (her favorite thing in the world) that said "Great Job Mommy!" Love - Me

    Also let her know how sexy she looks, etc.

    As far as the patience thing, no sex since Sept because she had a low lying cervix and I swore off porn so it has been just a tad rough, but I'm sort of used to things now.

    You learn to adapt.

    So if it takes until May or June or whatever, I'll give her all the time she needs.

    I'm so damn tired all the time anyway staying up with the baby that I doubt I could get it up anyway... or at least long enough for it to be any fun.