Wishlist for More Respect from Wife

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    I would appreciate my wife giving me increased respect in a number of aspects.

    Respect has to be given, and earned. Respect cannot be really demanded.

    Relationships are asking for what you want, and trying to give your partner what they want. Sometimes I find myself expecting my wife to know what I want. Then I am disappointed. But then, I realize I naver really asked for what wa important to me.

    Wish List:

    1. Increased respect for my religious beliefs. My wife goes to a different church, and sometimes argues taht i am wrong in my beliefs, instead of tryihng to be respectful about our differences.

    2. Increased respect for my political ideas. My wife ofte expresse the political ideas from her friends or church, and criticizes my ideas disrepsectfully.

    3. Increased respect for the sports teams I root for. I bought some Team Log mugs, and I am constantly hearing critiicsm that the expense was beyond our budget.

    I will think of more. My next step is to think of Loving phrases to ask my wife for more respect.



    .
     
  2. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Maybe you are with the wrong woman Logger....

    It feels as though you guys are on different pages?
     
  3. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Sexy Scorp,

    How can she be the wrong woman when she is a Scorpio?

    She comes home most every night. I am just trying to learn how to better handle angry outbursts.

    I asked my wife to manage respect from her relatives better. Her relatives ask me to help them with their problems, which have gone bad, and then complain that I did not fix what they broke. My wife was upset and saying I was mean to offer to to loan them money to hire a professional.

    .
     
  4. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    A Scorpio???????

    Then she MUST be the wrong person.....lol

    Logger....the typical Scorpio female can be virtually IMPOSSIBLE to live with....I should know....

    We are demanding, overly sexual, possessive, intense, moody, revengeful, suspicious, etc etc

    Not all of coure.....but ive known quite a few who could relate to this.

    If a Scorpio woman is misunderstood or not treated how she wants to be she can be a nightmare...just watch that sting come out.....OUCH! Not for the feint hearted!

    And above all this......freedom......if this is denied.....man watchout.....she needs to be extremely independant and also given lots of space to b r e a t h e

    And if you ever try to change her.....watch out

    Logger what sign are you?
     
  5. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    Sorry no offence intended here but reading your post seems to indicate that you put yourself first....., and you also have to earn her respect...
    if you are of different religions then you both will probably think the ones you practice are the correct ones, if your on a tight budget then buying something that isnt beneficial to you both and just spending money on something that really wasnt neeeded will seem to a female like a waste of funds that could have been used more wisely...
    You seem to be expecting her to respect you...isnt that in its self a form of demanding respect ?

    Just a few thoughts as at the begining no offence intended.
     
  6. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Kronnie....

    Wonderfully put........you are gonna make someone a wonderful husband one day!!!!!
     
  7. doberman

    doberman New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2007
    Messages:
    461
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    switzerland
    i would want all this again, just to feel loved again..

    why am i not yet?
     
  8. pirouette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2006
    Messages:
    2,463
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Upstate New York
    Logger? Off topic, but how is the evening nude exercise going? And your advances? Still being turned down a few times before the mood strikes her?
    How are you?
     
  9. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Logger
    Why are you waiting for bedtime to see if your Wife is in the
    mood for sex.
    Why not put Her in the mood,
    As soon as you get home from work (if you do work)
    Give Her a compliment on how good She looks
    compliment Her on the Dinner She fixed (if she does that)
    Give Her a shoulder massage to relax Her, A pat on the ass
    a kiss on the lips just a thousand things that you can do
    to create a sexy mood.
    If you do nothing to create that sexy mood it probably wont happen.

    Hiker:sf


    :help Morerators this post was mint to be in Planning for sleeping lazy.
     
  10. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Piorouette,

    I have pretty much given up nude dancing wtih or for my wife. I thought that would be a motivator for exercise. I have worked myself up to 35 minutes on a stationary bicycle, maybe 10 times a month, at a gym. Every other day, when I am feeling energised.

    I still have some delayed projects to work on.

    Thanks for asking.
     
  11. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Sexy Scorp,

    Thank you for continuing our discussion of Respect for Women on this thread.

    When I suggested that Sex Funeral's GF might not be givng him the respect he needs, I also meant that he might not be asking for the respect he desires from her. I could Identify wtih the woman in the Fifth Anniversary Video, Love and Respect, because I often do not ask my wife for the respect I want. I feel my wife should know what respect is important to me. So I identify with the lady who insisted that her husband should know what restaurant at which she wanted to dine. It is not reasonable for our parenter to know EVERYTHING that is in our minds.

    It may be a challenge for you to picture a person not expressing their sincere feelings or desires. Scorpios place a high priority on expressing their feelings and desires. Sex Funeral may not be a Scorpio. I checked, he is Leo. Other Astrology signs place more emphasis on harmony or appearing to be in charge, or being cooperative. Because you are such a strong sign, for expression of feelings, you may not recognize the difficulties some of the rest of us other signs have, in expressing feelings.

    I am Aquarius Sun, Leo Moon, and Aquarius Rising. My wife is Scorpio Sun, and Aires Moon. My wife and I are Sun square within some 7 or 8 degrees. So my relationship with my wife is exciting, but not real harmonious.

    Blessings
     
  12. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Yes I understand the Scorpio Aqua thing....

    Sadly it never worked for me....my ex Aqua hubbie and I nearly killed each other...there was much love in the marriage....but that didnt seem to be enough. I needed more attention and understanding and he needed more space. Both are fixed signs...good for learning but not good for cohabiting.

    I would rather be alone tbh than live with someone who didnt accept me for the way I am and I he.....but its a very tall order at times isnt it...

    Wow Moon in Leo and Moon in Aries....those moon positions can both be quite challenging at times....

    I think Aqua and Scorpio have a lot to teach each other...

    I adore most Aqua men I meet, but I now know after living with one, I couldnt live with one....again! And yes you may be correct if you think, I dont accept the inability to express the feelings. But you would be wrong if you said i didnt recognise them....i do...its just that I struggle with the person who is unexpressive. Now I am more aware of this trait....but I still find it challenging.

    One of my best friends is an Aqua male....he has taught me much....we clash a lot but evenso i feel very fond of him...we are close, but I know we can only stay friends, even if i wasnt married to another.

    I wish you luck...and much strength with your Scorpio lady....

    and blessings back to you...

    x
     
  13. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2007
    Messages:
    124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    no offense meant, but relationships are not based on demanding anything of the other.

    Give joyfully, totally and unconditionaly of yourself without expecting anything in return. Then see what comes back at you.

    Just my experience :)
     
  14. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Idagroove,

    Thanks for your perspective. Love and Respect does not recommend demanding. The idea is asking for what you want, because your woman may not know, by her own intuiton, what is important to you. The book, CRACKING THE COMMUNICATION CODE, describes how even when asking for his or her needs, there is a difference in terms and emphasis, between the sexes. So we have to translate our request for Love or Respect, into terms understandable to the opposite sex.

    Certainly giving is an important part of any relationship. Joy in giving is nice.

    I try to give more to my wife, so when I ask for something, my wife is more willing to try to give me what I ask for. In the book, SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN, by Scott Haltzman, towards the end of the book, speaks of he importance of asking for what you want.

    Do you find women know everything you want, without your asking?
     
  15. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Logger said:
    Logger RESPECT is not something to be asked for,
    Or demanded of.
    Respect is something
    that is earned through your actions.

    Hiker:sf
     
  16. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Big Hiker 2003,

    It is true that Respect can be earned and lost through our actions and inactions.

    I used to think that my wife should know what details of respect I wanted. Now I believe that she may not know all the specifics of my feelings.

    Certainly, a relaltionship is a certain level of freedom to be disrespectful, to express our disappointments, pain and sorrow, in an open manner. So relationships, by definition, contain disrespect.

    My wife is sometime careless in her remarks, and I have found that even though the remarks have been spoken, and I have felt the hurt, that I can make a positive cleansing of the hurt I felt, but requesting that respect in the particular area that is sensitive to me. She may keep slamming me about the same thing, in the future, but I have a positive response, so I can feel better.

    In the past, I have repsponded wtih retorts, that were deliberately inconsiderate to my wife. That added to a cycle of badmouthing each other. So although my requests for increased respect may have no affect on my wife's general level of respect for me, it shows her a path to avoid those hurtful remarks in the future. It also makes me feel better.
     
  17. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    I totally agree with Hiker on this....

    I also feel that to repress any emotions in a close relationship is very harmful....

    If a person is of a fiery and outward disposition and has to curb the passion inside of them (which may include hurtful words), then it can do more harm than good....

    As a child brought up in a religious household by a repressed mother, I wasnt allowed to swear, show anger or behave in what was considered an unladylike manner...

    Hahaha.....

    But it was okay for my tempermental father to shout the place down, slam doors and generally behave like a mad man.....

    The result of this?

    A woman who feels like SCREAMING a lot of the time..

    Our son is encouraged to let it all out....not to hurt or wound, but if that happens in the process its not the end of the world

    Logger you say 'it also makes me feel better"....what about your wife feeling better?????

    :)
     
  18. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Sexy Scorp,

    My wife seems to enjoy that I give her attention when she feels like venting her feelings. I don't try to squelch her expressions of her ideas. When she is on a tirade, I don't interrupt. I just mention my humble request for increased respect when there seems to be a space in her conversation.

    Asking for respect does not have to be done by shouting and slamming doors. What angry men are often saying is, "I feel I deserve more respect, and you should know what I mean."

    What did your father mean by his anger? How would you decode his slamming doors? Did you ever ask him if he felt hurt, himself?
     
  19. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2007
    Messages:
    124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast


    Logger,

    I see what you are saying. It's great you are reading to help deepen your relationship. Is you wife reading too? Is she interested in getting closer?

    Does she actually dishonor you, or are you just looking for more appreciation?

    Most women do not know the one main thing about men.

    "Men would rather be respected then Loved!" - It's true!

    That's why I married my wife, because she was the first woman (after many) that actually, intuitively already knew this. Appreantly she studied up on men and knows exactly how I think. It's comical at times because I will act like an ass, and she knew I would, and she giggles, but still respects me. She would never say, "You are such an asshole.". But she would say, "Honey, you should have seen yourself, you were such an ass." I can laught at the latter, but not the former, even though it's true.


    So I do know what you are saying, and needing. The problem is, unless you wife is reading the same books, I don't think you can march in and say honey, I want more respect in this area.

    Have you ever tried a marriage retreat? I good retreat can really promote intimacy and communication in a couple.


    We wish you the best.
     
  20. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Logger

    My father had/has women issues...

    He was mentally abused by his mother which culminated in him becoming very threatened by women in general. He loves women, but not ones who will assert themselves with him. He deems it to be disrespectful...

    Raising me was very challenging for him, because I have a good deal of male energy (which I inherited from him....my mother was always very submissive)...

    He learned over the years to respect me, and I him....not without a struggle though...and to answer your questions, he is at aged 80, now acknowledging his anger...

    Unfortunately he never grew up...he still has the attitude "everyone should respect me" I dont mean in the way we would....i mean he would totally lose control when addressing people, name calling them and attacking. I have taught him to be assertive rather than aggressive in his requests...

    We are both fiery passionate people, albeit with an abundance of compassion and understanding too.

    :)