Will I ever be normal?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by On_Top, Jan 14, 2007.

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  1. On_Top

    On_Top New Member

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    Okay maybe this doesn't go here... I seriously debated for a few minutes where this would go.

    I very much like sex. I'm attracted to males and females, and am female myself.

    However, my brain was completely fucked up when I was 10 and 11. I was molested by an older cousin. I was disgusted, I blamed myself, and I figured I had learned my first real life lesson. All anyone will ever want from me will be sex. It was horrifying for me as a child. You want to grow up and be loved and get married and be happy. I kept mentally vaselating between "Oh, I guess I should succumb to it" and "Please no one ever touch me again."
    I'd been abused by others, but that was the start of it.

    I've since dealt with this part of my past.

    I'm not trying to offer a sob story. Lately I'm starting to somewhat have a normal sexuality and sex life. But there's still that fear and touchiness. I'm afraid that all my partners I may have will just be freaked out when all of the sudden I go from completely in the mood to hysterical.

    Has anyone in here had to deal with something like that or know of how to have a normal sex life after being sexually abused? I don't want to be like this. I want to love and enjoy sex.

    (sorry if this isn't an appropriate topic for here, it's just been on my mind)
     
  2. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Many of us have. And we each have our own method of overcoming. I have. I deal with it far less these days than I did in the beginning. Define, if you will, normal. I don't think that anyone here (as proven in a recent series of private conversations) would call my sexuality normal. We each find our own normal. What's normal? I love and enjoy sex. Earnestly. But, watch out. You don't push me, pressure me, or disrespect me sexually. Can some good come out of the bad of my younger years? I have to believe so. What I did not know was wrong when I was younger, I KNOW is wrong now, and I will not tolerate inappropriate treatment, under any circumstances. You will be normal. YOUR normal. You NORMALLY. Remember to love yourself first, and most.
     
  3. Bluesy

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    Seriously and truly, this is something best placed in the hands of a professional. I think it's admirable that you're seeking help in dealing with this, so if I were you I would not stop here. I think your best bet is a counselor schooled in sexual abuse issues.

    All the best to you.
     
  4. juicyjenny

    juicyjenny New Member

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    You must let go your past.

    Abuse in childhood can be very devastating to our psyche but we shouldn't let it spoil our life forever. It can be tough but we can learn to live normal adult lives. Seek professional help if you must but just don't let this linger. I was abused by an uncle too. It was not easy for me get over but I did.

    Stop refreshing what happened in your mind. Try to live in the present. The past is gone and gone forever.

    Jennifer

    http://kissing102.blogspot.com
     
  5. icu89109

    icu89109 New Member

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    I love sex. But I hate touchy feely myself. I especially hate someone rubbing my face or playing with my hair. I've never give it any thought until it happens, nor does it trouble me. But if what you say troubles you I agree that you should seek professional help.
     
  6. Bella

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    I can relate!! :(
    I only want to wish you the best &
    to tell you to follow the advice already given! :)
    Hugz,
    ~Bella
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    You will likely never feel about sex exactly as you would have without the abuse, but as Mel says, YOUR normal can still be normal. Please do seek professional help. If you don't feel your counselor is helping you, look for another counselor. (Like any other profession, some should be doing something else.)

    Somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 in 4 women will have suffered from sexual abuse, most in the form of childhood sexual abuse by a family member or a close friend of the family.

    If the cost of counseling is a concern, you might qualify for financial help with the counseling. Check with the family services agency in your community or ask your doctor to put you in contact with someone he/she recommends.
     
    #7 Joe, Aug 26, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2007
  8. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    This is tragic indeed.

    I think some of the answer is professional help.

    I think another component of the answer is for you to realize there are good men out there. Realize that you must pick these men above those that are 'dangerous'/'mysterious'/'bad boys' even if they don't feel as exciting. And realize that once you've accepted a man and picked the right person, you can truly allow youself to trust him and be happy.
     
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