Wifes past sex life

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by curiousboy, Jun 12, 2012.

  1. curiousboy

    curiousboy New Member

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    My wife has recently told me more about her sexual past and it is bothering me a lot for some reason. She has told me about her boyfriends and a 1 night stand she had, I also know she had a guy in college (which she said was not really a boyfriend). Also when we met she was hanging out with someone I know of as we were all living in a beach town for the summer. She has told me since she had a guy force himself on her when she was 14 and because of that she never really enjoyed sex. She is from a very small town in upstate NY and I always figured theres not a lot of options so she dated within the people she knew. She has recently told me that she also slept with 2 of her guy friends after being out drinking. She said she slept with each of them only twice over a year window between an on and off relationship with her then BF. So from 19 to mid 20(1 and a half years) there was 5 guys she slept with. Her BF, 2 friends, a 1 night stand and some friend of a friend she met in a bar and liked. She kept going to meet him but nothing came of it, well of course nothing. He had his cake and was eating it too! It bothers me that she slept with these guys for some kind of attention but why her friends? Is that normal within groups of friends?
     
  2. Silkycat

    Silkycat New Member

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    Personally I haven't noticed many sexual relationships going on between my friends, but I don't imagine it being too uncommon. For me at least I need to know a person a bit to really like them, though of course I can find someone attractive without knowing their personality =p. I wouldn't be that shocked to hear one friend dating another friend, but random friend-sex? Nothing like among my friends as far as I know.

    I don't feel it's productive in any way to dwell on such things from the past though, unless it continues now. What reasons you have for being concerned with this I don't know =3.
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    I think it's natural for some guys to feel a little insecure about relationships their wives had before they got married, and sexual freedom is accepted a lot more now with, FWBs, etc. She's yours now, and as long as those experiences don't affect your relationship with her, and if there is no emotional business still unresolved, forget it and move on. Dwelling on them, you will only torture yourself, and there's nothing you can do to change the past. I think the only one to concern yourself with is the one that forced himself on her, as it may have left a lingering fear within her, but if she's over it, so much the better. Does she have problems with your past sexual experiences?
     
  4. CosmicEye

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    I agree. I would just rather not know the details myself for the sake of not looking at her the same
     
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  5. Miamia

    Miamia Member

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    Don't take sex too serious! For me, sex is an activity that usually makes a lot of fun. It's like a hobby, a game. Your wife just used to play it with some other guys and probably it was fun for her. Yes, having sex with friends is unusual - but why? From my point of view this is due to some anachronistic attitudes that are still dominant in our society.

    I don't have sex with friends. In my circle of friends, this is an implicite rule and I respect it. I see that breaking this rule would cause lots of trouble. But maybe one day people will release themselves from their conservative sexual attitudes and sex will just be seen as what it really is: The most pleasurable activity in the world :)
     
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  6. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    If it's in the past it doesn't matter. The future is what counts.
     
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  7. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

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    She was 19!!!! Let it go. Or tell her what a naughty girl she's been and fuck her silly! :]
     
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  8. oldman

    oldman New Member

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    Well go out and find some friends fuck there brains out and tell her about it .
     
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  9. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

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    Yeah...that makes sense :ugh
     
  10. Polly

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    Sheeesh what is it with some guys and mistaking their wives/gf's for some sort of saints! Did you think she stayed in her bedroom wearing a chastity belt so she could save herself for you before you even met?

    You do realize that this has much more to do with your own wounded ego than her past right? So you should really try to get over yourself. Everyone has a past - it's what makes her who she is today, you know.... the woman you fell in love with and married? What difference does it make if she slept with friends? Don't you think you would have been just as shocked had they been strangers she picked up in a bar?

    If she can't tell you every single little thing about herself and her past (good and bad) without you judging her - then what the h*** did she marry you for? Surely you weren't marrying an idea that you have created in your mind of the "perfect woman"?

    Seriously!
     
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  11. CosmicEye

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    Its just that some things dont need to be said. I dont wanna hear that she brought home 4 strangers to have a train ran on her. Sounds like fun but as my gf, I just dont need to hear that. Its always in the back of my mind once its said.
     
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  12. CreamyJustice

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    OMG, this is somewhat similar to my hubbys past. Mind you, we both come from a big city. Most of his friends are female, and YES i had to get over that. Most of them are cool, but all of them minus 2, he has slept with. And while they still remain friends, its awkward for me. I feel like, how can I be buddy buddy with them when I KNOW they had what I have....I'm not into exes at all, I keep them out of my current relationships and I expect my SO to do the same.....well was I in for a rude awakening! I guess I should be happy that he told me all of this, but at the same time, its like, dude, we live in a big city.....why fuck inside the friend circle? it just makes me think they were all insecure and couldn't get a date elsewhere. To me, its fucking sad and disgusting. Sorry for being judgmental, it just sucks i have to look these ppl in the face.
     
  13. CreamyJustice

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    Agreed. I know shit happens, and you have to get over it or let it go, but just accept for some ppl its not that simple.

    an extreme example but one all the same, but it would be like, your SO told you they once ate a turd just for kicks and you say "oh, well everyone has a past" and lean in for a kiss


    fuck outta here...ppl act like they dont give a care to appear so open-minded, but its all a facade.....
     
  14. Slipikins

    Slipikins New Member

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    I 100% disagree. I think the most amazing aspect of a relationship is to know EVERYTHING about each other. I might not want to share my "shame" with the world but I surely want to know that my other half accepts me as is...and loves me for it. I think Ani Difranco says it best....

    ♪♫♫♪ ♫♪♫ ♪♫♫♪ ♫♪♫
    i've got no illusions about you
    and guess what, i never did
    and when i said i'll take it
    i meant as is

    just give up and admit you're an asshole
    you would be in some good company
    i think you'd find that your friends would forgive you
    or maybe i am just speaking for me
     
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  15. CosmicEye

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    ^ exactly my point, high five Justice of Creams. I mean I know everybody has sex, sometimes freaky sex, but dont publish that shit like the front page of the newspaper to me. Keep us to us. The only thing I would want to know IF I ASK is "have you ever done this" or their number. As far as fucking the circle of friends, I stay away from that drama. Its also kinda dirty in some situations if you ask me
     
  16. CosmicEye

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    Eh I can see telling each other dark secrets in time, but to me, thats like atleast 10 years of marriage or more, not the 2nd date.
     
  17. CreamyJustice

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    Agreed!
     
  18. 12barblues

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    Best advice .......
     
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  19. cbrmale

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    I had lots of one-night-stands and a few friends with benefits, and those women would have subsequently had relationships and even got married. Lots of men and lots of women are either insecure about sex or about relationships, but we still have a drive to have sex and this may manifest itself in various ways. Eventually we gain experience and confidence, and realise it's time to move to something more satisfying for the long haul.
     
  20. lbushwalker

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    Maybe it is my age or something but I get a real kick out of hearing what a partner has experieced before me. That said I am very confident about my own performance and also very happy to compare. Lovers come to me and stay around for a reason so despite an average size dick I must be doing something right ;)
     
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