Wife's Expectations

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, May 30, 2005.

  1. Logger

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    Since my wife does not talk very often or very much about everything she expects from me as a husband, this thread is to try to list and reveiw my wife's expectaions. Partly her desires are based upon her belief system, of how Love, Marriage, Men and Husbands are supposed to be.

    So one thing my wife expects is for me to take off her clothes, when she is ready to go to sleep for the night. One challenge is to figure out when she is actually ready to go to sleep. My wife feels comfortable with exual contact all through the nigt, althou she will occasionally express a desire to go to sleep, and she expects me to let her sleep for some cycle of minutges, butnot less than three minutes, in my experience.

    But not just rip them off, but to first elevate her in the bed. Massage is often the method I use to get her body supple and floating above the sheets. Once her electric energy field is sufficiently energized, then it is easy to glide off her pants and blouse.

    Part of the levitation can be enhanced by sucking and lickeing her nipples, rubbing her pubic mound and rubbing her breasts and nipples.

    Once I have her clothes off, she then expects contact wtih my magic wand. My penis should also get hard. She does not mind if I massage my penis with my hand, or rub my tip on her body parts. The penis should get hard, and be in contact with her legs and other body parts. She expects the penis to get hard and stay hard. So it is my part to keep it hard.

    My wife feels it is my job to keep a supply of lubricants on hand, and to apply lubricants as lubricants may enhance massaage or dry fucking or finger her clitoris or lips of her vagina

    My wife has an interrest in touching my penis, and it is my function to find a postion for me to lie, or kneel, from which she can touch and squeeeze my penis. But my wife expects me to be the one to move, to match whatever positions to which she feels like moving to. So it is my function to change positons, as she turns in her drowsiness, in geettng more comforatable as she is drifting into sleep.

    My wife feels that when she is sufficiently aroused, that she can give me some verbal cue that she is ready for intecourse. "Go get your stuff", or "Lie beside me" which is a positon for easy insertion. My wife expects not be be entered, unless she is consciously ready for that, and has indicated that. Up to that point, massaging and rubbing my penis on her muscles, and generally having good fun.

    If I wash my gentitals, and dry them with a bvlow driere, she will consider putting my penis in her mouth. She does not feel that it is her job to go to the bathroom and get a warm washcloth, and clean my penis while I lay in bed. I is my job to gecome clean and smell clean. Then, Maybe she will put my penis in her mouth. Usuall I try to get a blow job before I have put on too much lubrication.

    I need to remind mysle of what my wife expects, as I sometimes feel like I would like my wife to be more participatory, but that is probaly not going to happen too often, if ever.

    Ideas for new approaches? Better understandings?
     
  2. Logger

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    SILENT COMMANDS:

    Since my wife does not really talk much during foreplay of sex, I am left to mostly figure out what will be received better or best. This is a list for me to review occasionally, to avoid overlooking some avenue, that might be left out from time to time. If I start an action that is too far ahead of schedule, I will get a twisting nudge, to push me away, which I usually interpret as a rejection, so I back off for a while.

    *Suck my left Teat
    *Suck my right Teat
    *Lick between my breasts.
    *Kiss my mouth
    *Lick my boobs aound the nipples
    *Massage my neck muscles
    *Massage my upper back muscles
    *Massage my lower back muscles
    *Massage my butt muscles
    *Massage my thigh muscles
    *Massage my calf muscles
    *Massage my feet.
    *Massage my scalp.
    *Cup my breast in your hand.
    *Rub my pubic mound.
    *Put your knee in my crotch and turn me on my back.
    *Stick your penis between my thighs while I lie on my side.
    *Put vaseline all over my pussy.
    * Run your fingers along the sides of my pussy.
    *Hold the inside and outside of my lips in your fingers and run your fingers up and down my vagina lips.
    *Hook you index finger around my clit, and let me feel the reverberation of your thrusting in slight movements of your finger around my clit.
    *You need more baby oil on your penis.
    *Warm up the vaginal lubricant to insert in my pussy
    *We need more Vaginal lubricant.
    *Put astro-glide on your tip to make entry go smooth
    *Play around with your tip outside my vaginal lips.
    *Move your tip slowly around the edge of my clit.
    *Get the sissors and trim my pussy hairs shorter.
    *Thrust your penis into my thigh muscles for a dry fuck.
    *Thurst the tip of your penis closer to my pussy while we dry fuck.
    *Slide underneath my legs to play you penis into the lips of my Vagina.
    *Kiss and lick my stomach, thighs or calf muscles.
    *Slide around so I can still lie here, and reach your penis with my hand.
    *Pound your pud to make it harder, you are too soft.
    *Set your alarm to start up a little later, I want to take a break for now.
    *Put on some music so others in the house can't hear you breathe so hard.
    *Grab my arm while you thrust into my hand holding your penis, so I feel captured.
    *Put your arms beside my chest and breasts, while you are on top of me, so that I feel like like I am captured, and I can't turn.
    *It is OK to put on some hard porn videos.
    *It is OK to put on some massage instruction videos.
    *Keep your strokes shallow, it hurts later if you go deep.
    *Go ahead and masturbate to climax, I'm not in the mood for vaginal sex.
    *Your maturbating gets me excited, but stop before you climax, so we can have vaginal sex.
    *If you had massaged me a little longer, I would have been ready for vaginal sex.
    *You are bracing me into this position too tightly, and I feel like I don't have the option to wriggle loose, if I really wanted to stop the action.

    Missed commands? Best sequences?
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Logger,
    I know you are a regular, and I hope I am not out of line, but don't you think that's a little 'mechanical'? You just seem like you have so much insight - and you try hard to make things work. I'll probably wish I could "delete" this in the morning...but, I guess I'm just hoping things work out a little easier for you two. Sex shouldn't cause stress, but, rather - relieve stress.
     
  4. Logger

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    Dear Rose,

    Everyone is on an equal footing here, and I get no special treatment or privileges. You are probably correct that sex should be a jazz dance, not a scripted waltz.

    This thread was intended to be more from my wife's perspective of her desires, rather than about ME! ME! ME!

    Since my wife does not say much about pleassure, or more pleasure, I am left to guess, most of the time, unless I get a rejection nudge, then I know that was below the acceptable line.

    So my posts on this thread were just to try to understand some of what my Wife's thoughts might be, in the sequence of arrousal and excitement. But anything you wish to discuss on this thread is fine with me, regardless of what I might have intended in the thread.

    Thank you for wishing me a more satisfying relationship with my wife, as that is my wish. I don't only post to rant. I am attempting to become a better lover myself.

    Blessings
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I know no one gets preference on this list. I just wanted you to know that I respect your longivity on this forum...

    Mr. Logger, can you just stop, look her in the eyes, and say ---
    DAMN, WOMAN - WHAT DO YOU WANT? ! ?
    I forget how long you have been married? 5 years? - 30 years?
     
  6. Logger

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    Dear Rose,

    It is nice that you are a direct person. I like to be direct myself.

    I have reluctantly come to the understanding that not everyone is open. There are various types of Scorpios. One type is secretive. My wife, Scorpio, Moon in Aires, is a rather secretive person, and does not give me her real thoughts very often.

    My wife is also PTS, which means too easily influenced by the ideas of others, so she expresses criticism, to me, that will only be valid for a couple weeks, then she is back to her ordinary opinions. So for certain weeks, some of the apporoaches will be invalid. So it is easy for me to get de-railed from a good approach, just because it did not work for a couple of weeks. The rejected approach can be successfully implimented when the other person's influence has diminished.

    Do you know any secretive people? Why do you think they are secretive? How do you adjust your openness to deal with their secretive approach?

    Since I have been married to my wife for some time, I have learned some things she likes earlier in foreplay, and some things she only appreciates when she is hightly excited. So this list is a reminder to myelf, of what I should have remembered, over the period of my partnership with my Wife. My memory is also not a sharp as it used to be, so I rely more on check lists, which is the nature of this thread.

    If you have things that you like in foreplay or love making, that I missed, you might share your pleasure stimulators in a post here. Anything that I have mentioned, as pleasing to my wife, that your find irritating yourself?

    I am slow to pick up on advice sometimes, so if I am missing your point, please repeat your idea again, as it usually takes hearing an idea several times before I catch on. I am slow to understand new ideas.

    I should read some of your posts, to see your ideas. I should have time over the next few days.

    I am getting some fun from this thread, in pretending that I am my wife, and telling the readers what my wife realy thinks, even though she does not reveal much to me.

    Blessings
     
  7. Logger

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    Dear Rose,

    I have read some of your posts, and it seems that you and your husband are able to discuss sexual issues openly. In that respect, I am envious of your husband, because I wish my wife was more willing to talk more openly about sexual issues. However, my wife has some other qualities, which have kept us together.

    If there is a particula psychological model of secrecy which you feel is helpful in understanding secretive people, I would be interested in your references or interpreations of those concepts.

    One of the sex books I found helpful, suggested to lie quietly next to your partner, and try to think like your partner, imagining I am my partner. The see what location on my partner's body might best be recpetive to errogenous focus, and the proceed gently to see if my ideas were correct.

    If you are interested in exploring the various accomodations that couples make for each other, you might look at marriagebuilders. com.

    A Christian Perspective on Marital Sex:

    http://www.themarriagebed.com/

    Here is an MB thread on a woman's feelings about men who are not fuly open about their feelings:

    http://sexualforums.com/talk/showthread.php?t=343



    Blessings
     
  8. Logger

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    Misdirections

    In addition to my wife often being silent, secretive and non-communicative, W also provides misinformation.

    Soemtimes, after petting in bed, W tells me she wants to go to sleep. What W really means, usaully, is that W wants to take a 5 minute break, "Take Five".

    Why can't W just say, "Take Five." ? What is important is that I understand the actual meanings of her words.

    Since I often repeat the same mistakes, I will start a log, to see if I can correct some of my mis steps.

    Last night I was tired and did not take off W's pants, and did not apply vaseline, so her vagina could operate as a suction cup. I also failed to get into positon so taht W could reach my penis, so she could pull my dinger if she got horny.

    On the way home, tonight, I will envison taking of her pants, and apply vaseline, and sleeping in a postion in which she can reach my tip.

    I am trying to meet my wife's expectations.

    Ideas?
     
  9. Logger

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    When Does Wife Just Need a Little More Warming up?

    Since my wife is the silent type, I have no real idea how close she is to being ready for insertion. Sometimes I will play around for a while, when I get into bed for the night. After some foreplay, I start getting arroused, so it will be difficult to sleep, if I keep going. Occasionally, I will roll over, and get into a comfrotable sleeping position, and go to sleep.

    I think I should make more of a testing effort, before deciding to go to sleep. I should give her a chance to insert me. I should get into a position whee she can have contact from my tip with the lips of her vagina. My last thought before going to sleep, should be that my direct offers of insertion were not taken up.

    Probably, as I am getting her into a position for tip contact, I should also be putting in more advanced caresses, to see if excitement might really be there.

    Better strategies?
     
  10. Logger

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    CONFLICTING DESIRES FOR W AND H

    Rant:

    My wife likes to sometimes go to church at 5:30 AM. She sets her alarm, more frequently than she actually goes, which wakes me up. Many times unnecessarily.

    My desires are for cuddling in the morning. So W going to church, cuts that out. When she gets back from church, she is not into her cuddling mode. So even though she gets back home, the cuddling mode is lost.

    When I hear the alarm going off, and she is not getting up, then my conflicting ethics arise. Should I wake her up, or should I just let her sleep, or should I start cuddling with her, and if she stays, that is a plus. Should I shake her shoulder and tell her to turn off the alarm? Sometimes I ask, "Is it OK to hit the Snooze?"

    Another conflict is that I like to have my boxes in the basement for various research ideas. My wife would like to have the basement, because the furniture she ordered for the dining room and living room, first floor, are dysfunctional, and not really suited for babysitting children. My wife baby sits children on a sporadic basis.

    I feel my wife should love me and my ideas more than babysitting other children, and more than changing the first floor more functional.

    I am feeling frustrated and unloved.

    I take care of the bills, and the way our bills come in is not optimal ,and could be put on line, but I just write checks, and W gives me no accolades for the work I do to keep our credit in good standing. I feel I should get increased appreciation. My wife has decided that because I do the bills my way, that I should get no appreciation at all. When I let wife handle the bills, the bills get paid late, and our credit slips.

    Another conflict is the my wife goes to an anti-abortion church, and I am pro-choice. So I get not support from Wife, if I do anything to further women's rights. I can look elsewhere for support, and not destroy the marriage. But keeping my activities secret to avoid criticism from wife is not Ideal, as I am not a naturally sneaky person.

    Another Conflict is that Wife feels that she can threaten adultery and divorce, whenever she wants to win an argument, and that I should not be resentful about her techniques. Further W likes to leave questions unanswered, which may just be her natural tendency to be secret, but comes across as the possibility of hiding an affair. So I feel a little foolish trying to make the marriage work and make compromises with her. so I drag my feet on some medium difficult things to please Wife, and then my value to wife is not as high as it could be.

    That is a downward cycle spiral, and so my productivity, generally is not what is could be. So I have just tried to put in words my conflict of feelings, so I can better deal with the issues. The nice thing about this forum, is that I don't have to worry about my words or ideas, as most any ideas can avoid editing here.

    End of Rant
    Spell checked by Firefox
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  11. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    That's okay, Mr. Logger. Venting your frustrations is theraputic. It helps relieve tension. And maybe you don't realize this, but alot of us are pulling for you! I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you are making the best of a very difficult situation. Perhaps someday (soon) things will improve.:tup

    Unitl then, we're hear to listen..... :)
     
  12. Logger

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    Dear Rose,

    Thanks for the encouragement.

    Yeterday we had a disgreement, but this morning, we made up. The fun of Making up made our differences seem smaller.

    Still Trying.
     
  13. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    :brow