wife ridicules my penis and performance

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by thorshammer, Aug 17, 2007.

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  1. thorshammer

    thorshammer New Member

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    i am proud (not arrogant) of my cock and love showing it off, whether it's 9" or 1". i am an extreme 'grower' like i said before, which i am ok with, but only to a point. i used to be really ashamed of the way i look when im not erect. when it is erect it is aesthetically perfect so maybe thats why i dont mind the giggles when im flacid. my wife has been with a lot of men and says i am the most extreme in difference shes ever seen, but she thinks it's cute when its not hard.

    however.to the point...



    tell me if this odd- my wife gets off on making fun of my sexual inadequacies and tiny flacid penis in front of other women in a playful teasing way. like bringing up the fact that it is odd and frustrating that i am so young (34) and have such severe erectile problems in front of her female co-workers, friends and believe it or not her mother and older sister at the dinner table.
    it was embarressing having to talk about my weak erections and pre-mature ejaculation in front of them. they werent mean, but were frank and unforgiving, instead of positive talk they let it be known (indirectly more than directly) that i apparently not as virile compared to other men my age and how they felt i needed to do something about it. her sister was very vocal about how shed never had a man that couldnt go longer than 10-20 secs and asked my wife, her younger sister, to explain in specifics my weak erection and how it inhibited me penetrating her. mind you this wasnt vulgar, they used 'penis' and 'intercourse' etc. i was shocked but maintained my front. i wanted my wife to tell them that i had a large pretty penis at least, as it would sound weird if i offered that info up to her sister and mom. i felt like i needed to defend my manhood even though most of what my wife said is true. it was the fact that it didnt come up again and the fact they know and it is just accepted and potentially an open topic at anytime that is so bothersome. make sense?
    a few weeks later (they visit often) my wife set me up. as i was getting in the shower she said they were leaving to go shopping. 20 mins later i got out and proceeded to walk into the kitchen naked thinking i was alone, as my wife knows i usually do after a shower. it was early spring and about 9am with lots of sunlight coming through our many windows and after about a good 2-3 mins wandering around making breakfast i noticed all three of them in the sunroom (which is an addition much like a seperate glassed in porch) about 15 feet away looking and giggling at me through the 8ft tall 5 ft wide clear glass window. like i said i am small when im not hard (I have really small testicles for my age and penis size and they are drawn up high) and i was still fairly wet and it was cool so i was so tiny that the head was sitting on top of my little uni-sac and just the tip was barely visible sticking out of my hair and pointing up because it didnt have enough weight to hang) Needless to say it was the worst possible moment to be seen by two other grown women, much less my mother nad sister and law.
    i tactfully left to get dresses and played it off like i thought it was funny they saw me and i didnt notice. I have endured several 'little boy' 'pre-pubescent' and 'peanut' playful comments since then. Her mother even mentioned an article she read about how some mens testicles never 'drop' as they should after puberty and that it directly affects sperm and orgasm fluid production, apparently my wife had mentioned that my cum amount is rather small, which it is but did her mom need to know?.
    she has also several times, while we were drinking with other married friends(and once with 4 of her female co-workers) in our outdoor hottub or someone elses, bubbly suggested skinny dipping. everyone always goes for it, i participate reluctantly because of how small i am compared to the other guys. none of them are really large, except my friend randy who is one of her lovers, they just hang normal and have normal sized balls. i look like a 12 year old next to them. a few times one of the girls has pointed out 'how cute' or how 'tiny' i am, wiht an ' you have such a cute little penis' its never been mean, but like im a little puppy or something. the guys never have said anything, they just sit there next to me on the edge of the jacuzzi hanging manly. i just laugh along and dont act ashamed, but its so frustrationg knowing that i probably have the biggest and definately best looking erect dick of them all, but i cant exactly start jacking off right there can i?
    do you think she is trying to hurt my 'pride' in my genitalia? is it a way to make me submissive to her? she has such a way of doing and being silly and nice about it.

    her mom sent us to a weekend long christian based relationship conference for married couples and there were several seminars on sex and when a female speaker asked a group of about 40 of us couple to raise our hands if we have been unsatisfied sexually in our marriages, a few men did, but she was only one of 3 females who did and she did it with gusto in such a way that the speaker chuckled at her and said 'wow, ok, well then this is for you then' and the whole group laughed. embarressing to say the least.
    i think she gets off on it, what do you think?

    i only wish it would perform as good as it looks like i said in my post. Im ok with the fact that im not a good lover, im pretty pathetic to be honest, but it doesnt mean i enjoy the ridicule or other issues it always causes in my relationships. showing off my erect penis is more enjoyable to me than trying to have sex. i get praise from every woman that sees it but sympathy or ridicule and rejection when i actually have (or try to) sex with them. my photos of it fully erect and standing up are only momentary and usually right before i cum as my normal state of erection (ill share with anyone) is not very hard, it is full and long but cannot stand up on its own, it points straight out and down a little rather than up.
    long story short my wife is only still with me because i let her have other lovers. i enjoy it most of the time, but it has gradually gotten to be a little more than i bargained for. i also am beginning to wonder if her mother and sister know she has other men.
    i just needed to vent, hope it wasnt too much.

    thanks
     
  2. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    Wow I'm pretty sad to hear that man, have you talked to her about this face-to-face and told her it's detrimental to your ego?

    I say, to get her back, when you and her friends all go skinny dipping again step out for a second and get yourself aroused and come back outside and show off to them all.

    I also have the same situation where Im really small flacid but I'm 7-7.5'' when erect depending on circumstances.

    I also heard that a penis hanging down a little can be due to the foreskin being kept too taught by the little elastic band underneath it being too tight. So if you're not circumsized you could look into that possibly being the cause...
     
  3. cbrmale

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    So you are content to be a pathetic lover, no? And your wife, what do you think she is missing out on? If she had past partners, she knows. If she hasn't had past partners, there's enough easily available information, as well as girl talk, to show and tell her what she is missing out on.

    So what are you going to do about it? You are thirty-four, and there are many ways for your to learn to become a better lover, but it seems you haven't. Instead, you bag your wife for having to put up with pathetic for so many years.

    If you blew her mind each and every time you had sex, I am sure your flaccid size would be the last thing on her mind. Instead, she would be fantasising of the next time you two get into bed together.

    There is no excuse for a man to be pathetic at sex in this day and age. Your can read, learn and practice. You can seek counselling with a psychologist or a qualified sex therapist to improve your performance, you can do almost anything.

    I've always been an okay lover from day one, and I had a period of promiscuity which taught me some good lessons (I believe we need several partners in a lifetime to realise our sexual potential). And then I focussed those experiences through Tantric training into something better again. We don't have Tantric sex per se, but I use some Tantric techniques to improve my performance.

    So what are you going to do about it?
     
  4. thorshammer

    thorshammer New Member

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    thanks...

    for the responses. first off, i am circumsized. i have actually tried what you said, going to the bathroom but i cant seem to get out of that withdrawn state and it would take so long as to be obvious that thats what i did. im not that desperate, but good idea, maybe itll work one day. so you have a similiar issue with difference in size? i have read its not common but it is a fact that the larger a penis is more likely to be a 'grower', apparently guys who are 3"-6" erect stay closer to their hard length (and have harder erections) when soft than do a lot of guys.of course its not absolute as my friend randy, is about an inch longer than me and a bit thicker and he hangs at no less than id guess 4" even in the water.
    its an amazing organ, how much it grows and retracts but id prefer not to be the poster boy for extreme ranges, bleh.
    second, i am not content, i am ok, i dont have a complex, i have great self-esteem, im very outgoing, my lack of ability in the bed doesnt affect my life.
    i have tried a cockring, it helps my erection strength some, but not my cumming too quickly. ive used 'stamina' creams etc but they make me lose my erection to a point i cant penetrate. on the few occassions i wake up and its hard like it was when i was 16 my wife more than is willing to let me have a go, ive gotten to where i can stop and squeeze it to keep from cumming, but after i start again i still can only go a few strokes and have to stop again, its kinda pointless, so i rarely prolong it as ive never given her an orgasm with my penis anyway.
    no ive never 'confronted' her about her setting me up/making fun etc, i almost dont want her to know it has ever bothered me. im afraid itll encourage her.
    i dunno, shes not malicious, very loving in other ways.
    i know noone has all the answers, its just nice to vent and get feedback.
    i would take or try anything anyone has had work for stamina and harness!
     
  5. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    Well if she's not malicious and she's really loving, confronting her will probably be really important...she'll stop if she's caring the way you make her out to be. You keeping quiet and laughing it off is probably encouraging her, she might think it cracks you up or something.

    Maybe you can try that eztenze stuff? Not sure if it works or not myself...

    You should also probably give her an orgasm with oral and start working on another one for her, when you think she's getting close switch it up to 69 for a bit and keep going then pop up and get her from behind, you both might cum at the same time and she could have 2 orgasms from you in a session ;)

    But these are all words from a virgin *sigh*
    (But a virgin wrote the kama sutra , heh)
     
  6. thorshammer

    thorshammer New Member

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    wow

    pretty good advice for a virgin. however ive done all that, orgasms through other ways etc. its just the steady penetration and penis orgasm i cant provide and after years of not giving it and her now finding it elsewhere and me actually seeing what shes capable of in person with a man who can perform, its hot, oddly you might think, but watching her is hot, but it has prompted me to fix this. hence why im here.

    i have not even heard of that stuff, is that the correct spelling? what does it do?

    ive given her 4 orgasms from fingers and oral in a session, but ask most women, they still crave good penetration from a strong penis, a good hard fuck and orgasm in other words.

    i last fine with blowjobs and handjobs, its just the pussy, if i am not paying attention ill cum as soon as my head penetrates lol, i do have a rather severe form of it, im rare.

    hope i dont sound like i shoot down all advice, but im looking for something new, different, like that eztenze, ill look it up.
    maybe that, a cockring and a rubber will get me past 30 secs!
     
  7. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    Actually I'd have moved out the first time. I give women respect and expect the same. On that I stand firm.
     
    #7 Buffalo204, Aug 17, 2007
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  8. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    That would be a good closer if he ever decides to do what you suggested :D

    Personally I would've also left her when this stuff all started happening...give respect and get respect or the relationship isn't healthy. That's how I see it, but it seems like you want to fix the relationship which is, best of luck to you :)

    Maybe try to get into tantric sex or something, I heard it allows you to last much longer. I think P Dawhateverhescallinghimselfnow was exaggerating when he said he went for 4 days or something
     
    #8 Maddox, Aug 18, 2007
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  9. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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    Thorshammer. I think for your wife to ridicule you in this way is pathetic. I would never do this. In fact I would delight in watching a cock grow from flacid 1 inch to 9 hard inches long. I can guarantee you that with mutual help it would be no problem for me or some other understanding woman get it up and to keep it hard for a reasonable time. I suspect she has "brain-washed" you so as she can have these various lovers. Go and try a different woman for a session, after all what is "good for the goose, is good for the gander". You may be surprised at your performance and then remove this idea of HERS that you are inadequate. Go for it man!
     
  10. shwartz73

    shwartz73 New Member

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    Man that is tough. I don't think your wife is into to you anymore because when you love someone you love them unconditionally. She hsould love every aspect of you even if your penis is small when not erect. Anothe this is that this matter should be kept in confidenceby your wife and not shared among her friends and family. I believe that she is comparing you to other lovers thus making her unsatisfied. F' it do the same and you'll find other ladies that won't have a problem with it.
     
  11. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Thats an extrodinary flacid to erect groth in size...never heard of a guy that goes from 1" to 9"

    A usual penis will grow 3 to 4" from soft to hard


    So you are very very unusual peta pumkin said whats good for her is good for you.....


    But go try with another female just like
     
  12. anonomous_2007

    anonomous_2007 New Member

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    id never talk about anything in the sexual zone to my friends or family members! Thats just wrong and its meant to be personal, private and special. She's done sooo wrong on sooo many levels right there. its not right at all.
     
  13. cook74

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    I don't mean to be rude, but you have to get a grip, this lady that you say "loves you" also demeans you in public...What the fuck?!?!:eek

    No relationship is perfect, but the last thing I would expect from a "loving couple" is one putting the other down in public. Especially hitting below the belt.

    I feel bad for both of you, as you both seem dissatisfied.:(

    I wont give advice. You need to be strong enough to deal with this by yourself. Good luck:tup
     
  14. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I tried so hard to post this AM, but I'm dealing with a virus on my laptop...

    My first thought is, no woman who loves her man is going to degrade him in such a way. I know that's hard to swallow, but it has to be said. I'm appalled at her cold, cruel humor - at your expense. You are allowing her to degrade you, and that shows lack of self-esteem. Some women capitalize on that. Sad to say, it makes them feel more powerful.

    About YOU: I'm not so sure your problem is physiological. You can stay hard and get off normal for a hand job or a blow job. Once you enter into the ultimate, intimate intercourse realm, you lose it. If you have not done this yet, YOU need counselling. For some reason you feel inadequate when it comes to pleasing a woman, even though you have all the necessary equipment to do so.

    Forget internet pills or creams. There is nothing wrong with your penis. There are a few correctable problems with your self-image... and some MAJOR problems with this woman who has found some sort of pleasure from belittling and demeaning you.
     
  15. FireGuy

    FireGuy New Member

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    Wow! this is definately a tough one. First you need to adress the ridicule problem, you've been such a great sport already it's time to take some hits at her.

    Does her family know that she's also sleeping with other men? If not then bring it up. Next time simply say

    "you know, you're right, I know I'm not the greatest lover out there & my penis may be small when I'm flacid however when I'm excited it's larger than most. Unfortunately you haven't been able to get me to that point in a long time. Which I suppose makes us both a little unsatisfied. But you still have to be thankful that I let you fuck other men, how many guys really love their wife enough to actually try to make up for my shortcomings."

    You really need to do something to degrade her so she can experience the feelings, maybe then you guys could talk about it.

    As far as in bed, I think most of what has been said already could come into play. I would say set some goals for yourself. After you cum, keep going, go until you cum again, then maybe even a third time. If you can last for a handjob then you can last during penetration. Set these goals for YOU then grudge fuck the crap out of her. Don't worry about her getting off, don't worry about anything but getting to YOUR next climax. If she's enjoying it I'm sure you'll know which will give you incentive to keep going, if not just take all your frustrations out on her pussy.

    Even if you go a little limp right after your first ejaculation keep going, it will build back up.

    And if she does get satisfied you can tell her that you just wanted to prove to yourself that you could, & that you're ready to sleep with other women as well.
     
  16. ftheunion

    ftheunion New Member

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    That ain't right for her to mock her husband like that. Definately tell her like it is that you don't care for it. In this case a stern conversation is extremely appropriate, but not in front of others, like don't catch her while she is saying all that BS in front of other people, but ya, you know how to handle that Bull.
     
  17. Bluesy

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    Well, I PMed you earlier today, but this part of Rose's post puts a slightly new twist on things:
    I must've skimmed over that part in your post (sorry, sometimes I lose concentration when I'm reading longer posts). If you can stay hard during masturbation, the soft erections are most likely a psychological issue. It's her fault that you're having this trouble, darlin', not yours.
     
  18. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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  19. cbrmale

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    There is nothing posted about duration or hardness during masturbation, just always weak erections and severe premature ejaculation.

    A reality check for Thorshammer, most women don't orgasm through intercourse. A few on this forum do, but I suspect they are more sexually enlightened than most women. I've had many lovers in my life, and only a few orgasmed during intercourse, and this is consistent with many studies on sex. My usual script is oral to my partners orgasm before intercourse, and even then many lovers have expressed undeniable delight at my oral sex skills, clearly implying that many men aren't orally skilled. If you are working there then that's a good start.

    Even if orgasm is unlikely during intercourse, when it lasts for several minutes or longer it is sublime for BOTH partners. So this is something to aim for: three, five, seven, ten minutes.

    As far as your sexual problems go, you still need to deal with them. Premature ejaculation can be cured with training through prolongoing masturbation. Weak erections are most likely psychological but could also be physical. You should get a physical check up, and then consider that erections can be made harder by either of oral medications or injection therapy. The latter is particularly good if the cause is psychological. Cialis or Viagra tablets require normal sexual arousal while the caverject injection will generally make you hard (very hard) no matter where your head is.

    However, whether your relationship is worth the effort for you to seek both sexual counselling and medical treatment is up for your to decide. But, even if you ended it, you still need to work on your sexual problems as they won't go away on their own.
     
  20. Dreama

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    Exactly. Why would your wife want to hurt you so? It seems very pathetic and sad. Needless to say, I'm almost sure that your problems are psychological. I also don't think you should feel inadequate. The only thing that seems inadequate to me, is her emotional understanding of you and her love for you. I truly hope this stops, ASAP.
     
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