Wife Increasing Objections to Erotic Videos

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, Mar 11, 2004.

  1. Logger

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    Religion can help a marriage flourish. In this case, my wife is listening to conservative Christian teachings, and raising objections to watching erotic videos during foreplay and sex.

    I find that the visions during foreplay and sex increase my satiatio after sex. As I have gotten older, I experience greater ease in getting and staying erected, and climaxing, with the aid of erotic videos. I tell my wife that that is my viagra.

    I have seen posts on the web from women who are oposed to porn, and from women who enjoy watching erotic videos with their partner.

    Since my wife is oppostional, like in ODD, Oppostional Defiant Disorder, I have to figure some sideways approach to discuss this with her. The key to ODD is to discuss things in terms of plans for the future.

    Like, "Since you will go to Hell if you watch erotic videos with me, we had better get divorced now, so you can go to Heaven."
     
  2. Logger

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    Erotic Videos in Marriage

    I have been reading Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend, and have the instruction video(Walmart. com, $66.00 including books). I have watched the video with my wife a few times. The video contains 10 Laws of boundaries, and describes 6 types of marital conflict. The tape really does not lay out any particualr boundaries, but helps you develop your own boundaries, form your own collection of values.

    So my updated boundary on erotic videos is that unless I get some inviting signals earlier in the evening, I just resolve to wake up at a time after my wife has gone to sleep, with enough time before she has set her alarm, for me to have my fun. So I start up my videos and start undressing my wife, and begin nursing her nipples. I use my various lubrications, Albolene, Vaseline, Baby Oil, Astroglide, etc.

    I have wondered about the morality of waiting till she goes to sleep. My wife sometimes pushes me away when she is uncomfortable, while asleep, and I wait a while before re-approaching. My wife has not yet asked me to turn off the tv with erotic videos. Last night she looked up at the TV, when turning her position, in bed, but did not object to the erotic video. If she objects, I will just turn it off. Maybe leave it off for the rest of that night. Maybe re-start the video later. Maybe put in a massage instruction video later, or a different erotic video. So far, no objections after she goes to sleep.

    Not my ideal soultion. I would prefer more participation. But my wife does seem to get arroused as lubrication and massage continues. My wife seems to be able to respond to my command to "Get wet, honey get real wet." That is important participation.

    Better or different ideas welcome.
     
  3. touchzing

    touchzing New Member

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    I like my sexual partner to be fully involved in the sex. So I have more questions than anything else. Do you have sex with your wife while she is asleep or does she enjoy waking up while you are playing with her? It would piss me off to get woken up repeatedly. Is your wife apposed to having sex with you? Did the two of you two ever have a good sex life?
     
  4. Logger

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    Dear Zing,

    I agree that my marriage is not the ideal.

    My wife rejects me by shifting her position or pushing me away with her hand or arm. I do not resist rejection, but rather immediately move away at the first indication of a rejection. My wife does not really wake up to reject me, as I back off at the first indication. When my wife is awake, and rejects me, she does not have to wake up to reject me, because she is already awake.

    My wife occasionally participates in sex with me, while she is awake. Mostly we have sex while she is sleeping. My wife seems to be dreaming of other people while we are having sex. She seldom shares her visions.

    Ordinarily, we will go to bed, and I will try a few times while she is awake. After getting rtejected, I wait a while to re-approach. Sometimes she has gone to sleep after a few tries, and then I just keep trying once in a while. I made a list of things that she tolerates well, sometimes rejects, and usually rejects. I am trying to stay in the range of what W tolerates well, to avoid rejections.

    Lately I just stick with a massage video, which has avoided rejections and occasional outrage.

    Blessings
     
  5. Logger

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    Update:

    My wife will voice opinions that are not really hers, but opinions of others for whom she has some degree of respect. So W asking me to shut off the video may not be any real big deal. sometimes W is unaware of the video. I am not glued to the video, just glance over once in a while.

    So maybe I will just start the video when I feel she is not going to notice, and if she says something, just shut it off.

    Then ask her if she has any ideas she wishes to express about the videos, and listen for more sensitivity. I have been cooling it with the videos recently, but I am feeling I am going to just use them occaionally, when I feel I can slip them in. I will listen to what she has to say, and re-evaluate. But for now, I am just going to work at being a little sneaky. I am ordinarily more of an up-front person, so sneaking around is a little distasteful to me, but, Oh Well.

    Morals? Put Downs?
     
  6. lancer674

    lancer674 New Member

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    I guess I would have questions about sex itself. Have you just been rejected in your sexual encounters altogether and have turned to this mode of intercourse? Because I can understand, my wife (which I am now seperated from) derived a great deal out of just snuggling during a movie. That was intimacy for here, and after that, she was satisfied. I on the other hand I just had her ass in my groin area for two hours and am now turned on, and that's how I would be left, frustrated. It didn't take long before I had turned to videos (away from her knowledge) to relieve myself. My advice to possibly regaining a little of "master of your own domain", would be to concentrate more on expressing your need for more intercourse, more energy spent in that area. I would say that you would have more success in that endeavor because you are not frightened off by that first rejection. I would say that since you do not need her to be 100% into it could possible lead to more success in her relenting on her firm stance.
     
  7. Logger

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    Dear Lancer,

    Thank you for sharing.

    I make an effort to share my ejaculating with my wife.

    My wife seems tolerant of cuddlig while W watches some movies of interest to her, with headphonse on, so i can relax. The headphones are easy to sleep with, but wer the highest quality of hte thin size I could find.

    I usually make an attempt, and get rejected, before my wife is drrrifting off to sleep. I use baby oil and other lubricants after W is dozing. I sometimes turn on trhe Errotic Videos while she is dozing, and rub my tp between her lubricatted legs, adn ejaculate into her pussy, but never rally getting inserted.

    That is the closest compromise I have come up with yet, to ejaculating with my W.
     
  8. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    Your relationship sounds terrible logger if you have to wait until your wife is asleep before you can have sex with her. How do you stay satisfied? No wonder you watch pornography. If I was married and it was like that, I wouldn't stay that way.
     
  9. Logger

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    Dear NZ Girl,

    Thanks for the sympathy. One resaon I post is to try to think of ways to make things better. W woke up and participated last night, which was nice. W is usually not in the Mood until she is dozing. I guess I got her excited last night, but sucking her nipples, massaging her buns, and then licking beside her clit. I put her hands on my balls and cock while I licked beside here clit, then she said, "You can come here." We got started and she moved her hips, which was nice.

    Blessings
     
  10. Logger

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    UPDATE:

    My wife has been tolerating the Esalen Massage tape, for visual background. I should get the Esalen DVD, so I can let my wife watch her video, while I have my massage screen on. I did order a Tantric Massage video. Don't know if it will turn out OK, of if it has any good ideas.

    One approach on coming home, could be to begin making my wife my own porn video. I often get rejected, as I try to take ovff her clothes, as I enter the bedroom, and W is watching TV. I gues I could sing a song on the way home, Limierick Really: My wife feels that it is my job to get her clothes off, from her bottom and her top. My wife also feels that it is her avenue to express any frustrations she feels, about any aspect of the marriage, in resisting my taking off her clothes.

    Get Undressed, Get Undressed.
    Your clothes are bothering you
    The sheets will feel nice and soft.
    show your teats, show your clit
    Let me bathe all your skin,
    with the glow from eyes.

    Last night I came home, and had been thinking of my job on the way home, and other things. When I got home, I felt the need to unwind, and did not really feel like putting up with a lot of rejections from W. So I watched TV and then went on the internet for a while. I feel that when I get home late, and W is in bed watching TV, I should be more sensitive to the pronographic opportunites available from my wife.

    TACTILE pronography? Perhaps as I am able to touch her privates under her clothers, I can envison her privates, thus creating my own visions, and pronography with my wife.

    I would still prefer to climax in the morning, but W has usually gone to work by the time I am ready to roll. I am not sure what compromises to make. Perhaps I could set my alarm for early enough, Like 6:30 AM, put on my porn videos, and if she is willing to particpate, great, if not, I just keep going. If W objects to my porn, I will just turn it off, and not worry about the criticism, as the criticism is because she is voluntarily going to church services at 5:30 AM. Perhaps that is my counter to her ruining my mornings. I ordinarily try to avoid doing things that bring criticism from my wife, but I am thinking that I need to make this one of the few exceptions.

    If something gets going in the evening, that is great. But MY time for sex is 6:30 AM. I need to be more productive during the day, and having a clear mind from 6:30 AM will help. If W is deliberately unavailable at the time I wish to have sex, that is her perrogative, not a mandate for me to change to her timing. I could play the masssage video and the harder core DVD, and if she objects, just cut off the DVD, and keep going. W does not need to leave to work till 7:30 AM, so there is time for her to participate, if she wants to. Often W is just puttering around the house and kitchen, until she goes to work, stopping by the bedroom to issue insults based upon her impulsive frustations.

    Ideas for alternative compromises?
     
  11. Logger

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    Further Ideas for compromise:

    Here is an idea for a compromise on erotic videos. Since W is ordinarily not watching her video movies after 2 AM, The telvision is mine after 2 AM. But there is a catch. W feels that my stomach could be a smaller diameter. So I am agreeing to work for an building up areobic length walk, starting at 12 Minutes, and progressing. If I walk when I come home, the TV is mine after 2 AM.

    I have not really presented this concept to her. W may want to participate in activities with me to one extent or another, after 2 AM. W ordinarily leaves for church at 5:30 AM to listen to Right Wing Christian propaganda. So after 5 AM or so, I plan to switch off the TV.

    Better compromises?
     
  12. franz

    franz New Member

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    Let's get this straight Logger - you're an overweight man who rapes his wife in her sleep, and you are complaining because she doesn't like your porn? Added to this she can't sleep properly because you won't leave her alone...

    If i were you i'd get a psychiatrist and a divirce in that order. The last time i checked liking right wing christianity isn't illegal, whereas having sex with someone while they are unaware IS.

    F
     
  13. Logger

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    Dear Franz,

    Welcome to Sexual Forums.

    Thank you for expressing your feelings and ideas.

    There are a number of laws that impact the relations between a wife and husband, and there have been convictons for marital rape. Ordinarily, threats or force are needed for a convicton of marital rape.

    For a single person, being unaware of sexual contact, could be considered sexual assault. Even if there is sex over the phone, this can be considered assault if one party is under-age.

    If a wife gets into the marital bed, it would be difficult to argue that she was not giving consent to a wide range of sexual contact. To argue that all wives should be fully alert, eyes open, for all sexual contacts, and give specific permision for each stroke or caress, seems a little bit of a stretch. My wife is never so fully asleep that she does not give me a signal that she is rejecting insertion. When she accepts insertion, it is usually, "Go and get the lubricants." That is my signal that my wife is willing to accept insertion.

    Your suggestion that I see a psychiatrist and get a divorce are certainly options that many people choose. Have you been divorced? Have you seen a psychiatrist? Did that make you happy? Would you care to share your experiences?

    Have you ever been overweight? Have you ever dated an overweight person? How did that go? Have you ever been slender and attractive? Did you ever do any jail time when you were slender and attractive? How did that go?

    Have you ever slept with anyone through the night that you trusted? That you did not trust? How did that go?

    Do you enjoy watching porn? Have you ever shared watching porn with a lover? How did that go for you?

    What do you think about people who believe they are middle-of-the road? I think that the right wing Christians count the middle of the road as being on their side, and so far, they have been very effective. Do you believe that women are getting realistic family planning options in most areas of the world? What about the rest of the world? Do you believe that the level of polution from developing countries will find technologically sound, affordable answers to avoid further poisoning of the oceans? Do you believe that women try to make responsible decision on raising a family, so as to provide a good environment for their offspring and grand children? Do you think that healthy oceans are important?

    It is true that on some nights, I am sometimes sufficiently horny, that I sexually caress my wife most of the night, hoping for her to signal insertion is OK. But my wife is a Scorpio, and she seems to understand my sex drive, and seems to appreciate my attempts at seduction. The other night, I put my wife's hand on my balls, and lay down with my head at her feet. I put he calf of my leg across her breasts. I jacked off, and occasionally stopped pumping, to reach over and caress her pussy. W just kept the pressure on my lower part of my dick, and I kept pumping dry, no lubrication, and before long, I squirted. I had been thinking of getting some lube for W, as her clit is sensitive without lube. But I just kept going dry, and she kept massaging my lower dick.

    Blessings
     
    #13 Logger, Feb 12, 2005
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2005