Wife & I Curious About A Threesome/Foursome

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by frizzo, Jun 27, 2008.

  1. frizzo

    frizzo New Member

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    Hi everyone, newbie here. Love this place been reading for a while.

    Anyway, my wife and I have been married happily for 7 years, we have great sex, we feel it can get even better as the years go on and experiment more, one thing that has come up lately is a threesome/foursome.

    We have a couple we are friends with and it seems there is some sexual tension going on between us. We constantly joke/flirt about sex, and our wives have kissed quite sexually one night when things got a little crazy during some cards/wine.

    So basically right now we are at a point where everyone is pretty much thinking it but we seem to be at a wall where no one knows how to take that next step or what that next step will entail.

    My wive and I thought one way to step it up to happen would be for all of us to go out of town for the night and stay in a hotel and party together, see what happens.

    But still we are going crazy wondering how to start it, what positions, and who with who?

    We have both discussed this and both want to try it at least once just for the experience and see from there.

    But it seems a little awkward, anyone have any insight as to how to take it to the next level?

    I know our wives would probably start making out then having sex, and letting us watch but from there I am not sure.

    I guess it's one of those things that you just have to let happen, just looking for some tips or stories to learn from before we take the plunge.

    I do worry that our sex life together alone may feel dull after doing something like this, as it would be so much more exciting due to the unknown

    I hope I make sense.
     
  2. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Interesting thread. You know, I think you probably have to ask yourselves how you would feel in the worst possible case..."What if this goes sour and we lose this couple as friends?" If these are long-term friends with strong emotional connections, you might want to consider just enjoying the flirting and teasing, and leave it at that. If they are recent friends and folks that (worst case) you wouldn't feel hurt if the friendship ended, then maybe proceed.

    I think you and your spouse should talk a lot about all the possible things that might happen, and how you would each feel about it afterwards. Are there boundaries you want to clearly set with each other, like swapping partners for kissing, fondling, etc., is OK but not sex, or is swapping and doing oral sex OK but no penetration, do you all want to be in the same room or different rooms, what if you swap with no holds barred and one of you gets the full enchilada while the other one does not? Seriously ask yourself if seeing your wife do another man would turn you on (take another woman out of the picture), and ask her if her watching you do another woman would turn her on (again, take a guy for her out of the picture). Make sure the answer to both is a definite "oh yeah". I'd say there's a lot you need to talk about. And you should probably have a serious talk with the other couple too about if they actually want to do more than flirting/teasing and what boundaries before you try to initiate anything.

    My wife and I openly fantasize about other people with each other (with the exception of very close life-long friends), but we keep it to just fantasizing. Nobody gets hurt in fantasy, and sometimes fantasy is better than reality.

    I'd visit one of the swinger forums and read and ask some questions. From what I've read on one of those forums, most folks would prefer to find friends among swingers rather than trying to turn existing friends into swingers. I can't say any of this from experience though since we've only "swung" in fantasy.

    How to get things started? Well, I dunno...find a local swinger party and ask them if they want to go and watch? Ask them if they want to come over and take erotic pictures of you and your spouse and you'll do the same for them the same night? Play some ice-breaking game designed to get four people playing with each other? Ask the ladies if they'll do a strip show or lingerie show for you guys? The hotel is probably a good idea...for whatever reason, hotel sex is usually exciting sex just because of the different surroundings. Use your imagination, and see what you come up with.

    I do doubt that doing this would make your sex life with only your partner boring though. Every time my wife and I flirt/tease/dance/etc. with other folks, we usually have some pretty hot sex afterwards. Every time we engage in some really new and hot fantasy, we typically engage in some really hot sex afterwards. If you are open and honest and hide nothing from each other, then I would expect it to probably heat up your sex life with your own partner, not cool it off. Again talk about it all. One or both of you may develop (or may already have developed) a "crush" or infatuation with the other couple's partner...make sure you are both emotionally mature enough to admit it to yourself, admit it to your own partner, and be OK with all of it. And, not a bad idea to talk about the same with the other couple.

    All this talking with your own partner should be a really good thing (even if you decide not to swing with the other couple)...it forces you to be very open and honest, and make yourselves quite vunerable to each other (probably moreso than you ever have)...the talking should increase your feelings of "emotional safety" with each other (meaning, completely trusting your partner to not hurt you even though they easily could, trusting them to not take something said or done and use it as an "emotional weapon" in the future, etc.).

    BD
     
  3. frizzo

    frizzo New Member

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    wow thanks for your great reply, I do feel that if nothing comes of it that it's a great learning experience for sure.

    I think right now we are talking, sometimes arguing to find out where we stand but it's great, it's opening our minds a little and bringing us closer, have to admit it though, it is a giant leap to make it happen.

    Definitely would need to pound back a few drinks to loosen up though :dgrin
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Yeah, a little "social lubricant" goes a long ways for most things. ;)
     
  5. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    I say if you're all cool with it, there is nothing wrong with having a little fun with another couple. I know from experience that it can be great fun if everyone is absolutely alright with it. I'd want to talk openly about it though, and get everyone's explicit consent for things, just so there is no way that anyone misunderstands anyone else. Have fun!
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    Just be as sure as possible that it's what you all want. My wife and her ex tried it with close friends of theirs. They all got high and proceeded with the deed. She got into it with the other couple but her husband just watched. I don't know many details, but I know it ended a long, close friendship, and my wife says she didn't enjoy any of it.

    My late wife had a similar experience. Her husband arranged a foursome; she had "horrible" sex with the other guy, but then her husband got pissed, didn't have sex, and was angry with her for doing the other guy and never forgave her. It ended in divorce.
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Maybe I analyze things too much (OK, I'll admit I analyze everything...I over-analyze in fact), but it just seems so assinine to me that HE arranged the foursome, then HE got pissed and never forgave her. WTF? Hello...don't people ever think ahead and ask themselves "How am I going to feel about this? What if she has a great time and I don't? Will I feel OK with that? What's the worst case and how would I feel about it? Do I want her to enjoy it even if I don't for some reason? Is there any way I could possibly feel pissed at her since I arranged all this?", etc. Sounds like he did her a favor by getting pissed and divorcing her....especially since she ended up with you, Joe.

    My wife says everything happens for a reason...I'm starting to truly believe her. :D

    If I were lining up a foursome, I'd be thinking about these things and anticipating how I'd feel about it (and I'm rarely wrong...I guess I know myself pretty well). I'd want my wife to enjoy the absolute fuck out of it (pun intended) even if I didn't. BUT (here's the catch), if she enjoyed it I would too because I love seeing her get off. So, if we did a foursome and she had a fantastic time and I didn't get even a glimpse at nookie, I'd still enjoy it (although I'd probably want to do it again with a different couple! :brow) I've realized this by thinking about doing a threesome with another guy, so I'm pretty sure (as in about 99.8%) I know exactly how I'd feel.


    BD
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    BD,
    The divorce between my late wife and her first husband came a few years later, and it wasn't directly related to the swap, but she said it happened at the beginning of the bad times. He was also a wife-beater. From the way she described him, he should have been shot. She was expected to keep her eyes on the ground so as to not make eye-contact with anyone. She finally left him after he started the physical abuse with her kids. He had already broken her back from kicking her down some stairs and knocked out a couple teeth. It's hard to understand why any woman will put up with that stuff, particularly her, since she had such a brilliant mind -- IQ of 175, spoke 5 languages, perfect SAT scores, accomplished musician... the list goes on, yet she stayed with an abuser for several years.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    I've had group sex threesomes a couple of times with different gender mixes, but just with fuck-buddy style friends. I can imagine it with my wife and another couple, having been part-way there (group sex is amazing!). But there's also a cautious side to me that tells me that even if my wife was into it, it could cause trouble.

    If I was to do it, I would do what is known as soft swing in the first instance. In your case a foursome, but only penetration with your own partner. This may be a safer option, and leaves the opportunity to something harder for later episodes, if you all wish it to be so.
     
  10. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Wow. Man, that is just friggin' aweful. I can't imagine why any person (male or female) would put up with something like this. It just escapes me. I guess "afraid to leave" is often the cause of not trampling things on the way out, huh?

    BD
     
  11. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    That's a very good point! In their case, sort of "testing the waters" with some soft-swing activities might be a good choice. Set the boundaries where whatever actions are "easily forgivable" just in case someone doesn't feel the way they expected they would feel afterwards. And really, doing some erotic play first may just heat things up for a full swap if that's what they decide they want to do.

    BD