Wife doesn't want sex.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by marriedwithout, Aug 28, 2005.

  1. marriedwithout

    marriedwithout New Member

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    Hello Guys and Girls, I 'm new to the forum and I have a problem of great concern and need some advice. My wife and I have been married for 10 years,she is 44 and I'm 36, we have one child that is 9 . We have not had sex in 40 months , yes almost 3.5 years. I not just talking intercourse, we haven't had any kind of sexual relationship at all. She says she hasn't had any sexual desire since our child was born. But that she just took care of me so to think. Then she just quit all together,she said sex was painful and hurt, then about a 1 1/2 year ago she had a hysterectomy . I don't think this is going to get any better. I haven't strayed away yet, but I would really like to get active again. What do I need to do?
     
  2. astridaku

    astridaku New Member

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    ups, I wrote a long post and the site timed me out lol, well let me try again, what I was saying I would recommend you to go to a doctor. There might be also a physiological involved. Just for general knowledge women do like sex as much a men, but they also like to be please as much as men do and some men tend to forget that. And when women get tired of having crappy sex she somehow will stop it or not give it so much. Did you know that women cheat more than men? Wonder why...
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Hi, Mr. MarriedWithout. Welcome to these forums!
    I was just wondering, how is the rest of your relationship? Do you have any interaction (non- sexual). Do you share times with each other, eat meals together, have coffee together. Do you go out for dinner, like on a date? The reason I ask, is I wondered if your marriage is over, or if its solely a sexual problem. I know lack of sex makes for a stressful atmosphere, but do you think you still love each other?
    If other areas of your marriage are relatively normal, then a physical and/or psychological examination could very well find the answers. Wife could be suffering from post-partum type depression (yep - even now - 9 years later) And if your wife is agreeable, recieving marriage counseling would be a good idea. Hopefully, she wants to work at it, and knows this is not right.
    But even if she doesn't want to do anything, or go to counseling, I would encourage YOU to go anyway. It may help you cope, and get direction for your future.
    I wish you luck. Keep us posted.
     
  4. MrK40

    MrK40 New Member

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    Wow! I was getting depressed about a 3 week absence.
     
  5. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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    Wife doesnt want sex

    I would definitely get advice from someone more qualified! 3.5 yrs..without is very long time....my props to you for not straying!
    Perhaps give her a body rub ...to relax her and let her feel some physical contact from you....my wife when not in the mood enjoys a massage and that generally gets the rest of her senses flowing, leading to some wonderful times.
    Good luck
     
  6. igor

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    My situation is similar to the original poster - 2 years without sex (married for over 40 years). She just suddenly announced she didn't want sex any more (but said in a later conversation about someone else, that sex was important in marriage). Go figure......

    Everything else is fine, no sudden changes in meds or anything - we have good times together - no worries about pregnancy as she had a hysterectomy about 20 years ago. Funny but I have quite a few male friends in the same boat - maybe something in the water around here :)
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    I went "without" for the last 12-15 years of my first marriage. At around the 10-year-mark I asked if we couldn't try it just once more. "No, you wouldn't be satisfied. You'd just want to do it again."

    Duhhhhhhh....

    I tried everything I could think of. She just didn't want anything to do with sex. Everything else was fine. When I finally filed for divorced (after discussing it at length first) she told her friends that she was shocked. "We had a great marriage." :eyes

    Within weeks after the divorce she had a new red sports car and told me she was "reliving her youth". She remarried a year later and is still married. I hope, for her sake and her hubby's, that this one is better than the first.
     
  8. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

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    Actually, I believe the very definition of Wife is "doesn't want sex."

    Best of luck to you. I don't envy anyone stuck making the decision of loyalty and doing what we know is right and a life totally devoid of all sex.
     
  9. Nikki

    Nikki New Member

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    Aww, come on...that's not fair. This wife LOVES sex! I may technically not be married yet but that certainly doesn't define me.
     
  10. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

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    See, you haven't said "I do" yet, so you don't have the title of wife. We'll see what happens then. Just ask a majority of husbands.
     
  11. Nikki

    Nikki New Member

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    We've lived together for 6 years, own a home together and have two kids and a cat....lol I'm thinkin' that there won't be a real big change once we have an "official" piece of paper.

    The reason sex doesn't exist in some marriages isn't because of a piece of paper. I'll guarantee there's a whooooooole lot more than that going on. Rose brought up a lot of great things in her post...marriage is more than sex and when a woman stops wanting sex with her husband, both need to be willing and patient enough to find out why.

    If I learned one thing from my previous failed relationship it's that when the intimacy & sex start to slow, it's time to find out why. I'm not getting as much physical sex as I would like in my current relationship, but we both know why and it's something we're working on. Our relationship is still very intimate and he takes care of my emotional needs quite well.

    If the tables were turned and I was the one not wanting sex, like in my past relationship, I would work hard on finding out why. I'm a very sexual person, so if something happens and that part of me changes, there's something wrong somewhere.
     
  12. dabody

    dabody New Member

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    All I can say is 'Congrats' for not cheating, cos I know loads of guys, (and girls if the situation was reversed) who would have done so a long time ago.