Why, oh why, not more sex?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sensless, Nov 8, 2017.

  1. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    It's something I ask my man. We're quite regular, but we don't have sex every day. Sometimes we do for a few weeks, then it's back to about 3 times a week. Sometimes 2 times a week.

    And after we fuck, we ask each other why aren't we doing it more often?

    Sex is so good, even though I do get bored.

    Then, why aren't we fucking more often?

    Some people say they're sexier here than in real life. Why are we so?

    Why isn't there more sex going on in all of our lives? We all agree it's great, right? Even when it's boring (I'm talking for myself).

    Why aren't we trying more things? Why aren't we all doing in real life some of the things we talk-play about in some threads here?
     
  2. Kurio

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    Quite a few questions in there some of which I appreciate are rhetorical.

    Speaking as someone who doesn’t have a sex life these days all I would say to anyone who does is cling to it like a damn limpet and enjoy it every chance you get. It can vanish from your life in the blink of an eye so cherish every experience like it was the last you’ll ever know.

    As for me on a more personal level you would only need about 5 minutes talking to me or frankly a few minutes reading my messed up posts around here to have an idea why I have no sex life. Why am I not trying more things? It’s not always so easy. For a guy on a sex site I talk about the subject rarely and in the real world I am, if anything, a lot more screwed up than I appear to be here. That does not make me a compelling companion or option for anyone and I really don’t blame anyone for thinking so. I quite agree with them actually.

    That might have been a bit more of a rant than I intended it to be.
     
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  3. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    Rant all you need, K. Take it off your chest. I hope you eventually find some happiness somewhere, somewhat, somehow.
     
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  4. Kurio

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    I feel bad when I rant so I tend to bottle it all up.

    Happiness is not my future but that’s okay, there are reasons for everything. My point remains... take the chances you have. You’ll miss them when they are gone. That seems to be all the reason you could ever need.
     
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  5. privatepartner

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    Many of us don't have partners that are as sexual as we are. There has been much discussion around this topic and it all comes back to willing participants.

    Even with a FWB trying to schedule time there makes it not as easy as one would hope or want.
     
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  6. MariaMaria

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    Many of us also have unhealthy relationships that lack communication and are still going for reasons that go beyond being in love.
     
  7. privatepartner

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    Do you mind elaborating on your post?
     
  8. MariaMaria

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    I'm not interested in sharing my personal experience, but judging from the many SF posts, I think a lot of people could elaborate on my post.
     
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  9. privatepartner

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    I understand Thanks
     
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  10. Sagittarius84

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    Everybody wants to win the race, but not everybody is willing or able to put the work into the car to make that possible. And I think a lot of people have a habit of downplaying or amplifying their sexual proclivities in the beginning of relationships. A lot of mouths signing checks their libidos can cash for only so long. And to piggyback @MariaMaria 's sentiment, I even think being in love can a prime contributory factor of sexual issues in a relationship as its very mindstate often impells people to act or do things in a manner not necessarily conducive to their own health and feelings but to their partners. The highly sexed among us will often dampen our truth to make a relationship work, or are sometimes not even fully aware of the depths of our depravity(lol) until we're in the relationship with someone accostumed now to a earnest level of compromise that is no longer sustainable.
    I wish i had the introspective eye for my sexuality I have today 10yrs ago. Even had I ended up with the same wife I think I might've had the confidence and feelings of self worth to set forth a very different paradigm for our sexual life that would have me being a much more fulfilled 32 yr old.
     
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  11. BeBop

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    Honestly, I don't share hardly any of my sexual exploits/encounters on here. I have sex quite regularly (translation: more than 3 times each week for the most part) and it is quite varied, but there's a lot of conditioning ("Don't kiss and tell") from my upbringing mixed with other factors that stops me from sharing more. I'm trying to push through that - as this is pretty much the one place where I can talk as freely and openly about such things as I want - but it's a task.

    I can't speak for the reasons for anyone else as to why their life is less sexually charged as they might like. I've been here a long time and read all sorts of responses and there are definite trends, but I can't speak to anyone's particular situation. That and I would probably come across as disparaging or unfairly critical were I to comment on what I view as the leading cause for others.
     
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  12. Mikeylicksit

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    More than three times a week... is that inclusive or exclusive of self satisfaction? :p
     
  13. BeBop

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    In spite of what many wish me to do, I have yet to be able to "go fuck [myself]." (Well, not without certain paraphernalia.) Which is all to say that count only includes sexual activity between myself and a partner/partners. ;)
     
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  14. Mywife4u

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    Its tough. So many potential reasons from jobs kids friends or just any regular activity. Some people are just robots in the bedroom. Personally for me and my wife we make time even if it's spontaneous. Put the phones down turning the computer off. Just me and her, no distractions. Don't get me wrong we invite other men into our bedroom(our thing) that helps the excitement for us.
    I'm not sure though. Mostly rambling here. Either way I hope everybody ends up having a healthy sexual situation with someone.
     
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  15. afunk13

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    We usually do once a week. Honestly it's a lot of work with using birth control and sometimes it's just stressful because my body doesn't want to work the way it's supposed to. I love sex and want more but that will come after sterilization.
     
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  16. MasseurNaturel

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    @sensless just a guess but I would have thought that even 2 or 3 times a week is more than most married couples manage, and daily sex is probably way more than average. It sounds to me that quantity is not really the issue, but perhaps quality, or variation, if you're getting bored. Perhaps it's worth trying to explore something new, something just a but different with your man, I'm not talking kinky fetish stuff just a different position or something simple like that.
     
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  17. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    Yeah. The problem is that what we do is very good, it works. We know each other so well. Our repertoire is limited, because we're very vanilla. My man doesn't feel any interest in doing different things, seeing as happy he is with the stuff we do.

    I experiment different sex with other men, but though I enjoy the moment a lot, I still prefer the sex I have with my man. The "different" stuff, after doing it a few times, bores me, too.

    I'm not bored all the time, but after so many years and sex being as regular as it is, yes, even though it is good, I get bored.

    For instance, last night and this evening we've done exactly the same thing. It was fantastic as it often is, but... the same. So, come tomorrow, or Sunday, if we do the same thing again, I'll be bored.
     
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  18. MasseurNaturel

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    Difficult to know what to suggest, especially if he's not bored, openly discussing things between you both might help him see your issues and try something different for a change. With the amount of sex you get both from your man and from others a lot of people would be envious of the amount of sex you get, just a weird thought, are you getting too much sex? If it were less frequent maybe the build-up and the sex itself would be more exciting. I know myself that sometimes I find sex somewhat routine and boring too, but then as an escort it's not about my feelings so it's very different.
     
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  19. sensless

    sensless Well-Known Member

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    We talk about everything. No taboos. However, now I avoid putting any pressure to try different things. I've noticed it only made him feel inadequate. This is all after years and much talking.

    The main characteristic of my man is that he's very real. He doesn't lie, he's 100% genuine. Doing something he doesn't want to do doesn't fit with him being unable to "lie". If what we're doing isn't good to him, he won't be able to pretend it's OK. There won't be an erection, either. There's very little fantasy and non fiction in his world. If I ask "are you enjoying yourself?" he won't lie about it. And his body will let me know before asking.

    When you're having sex and it's so clear your partner isn't enjoying it, whatever it is, you don't want it anymore.

    On the other hand, when we're doing the things he likes, he's very reactive. He gives the best oral in the world and I love how his cock feels in me. I just do whatever he likes!

    Perhaps you're right about having too much sex. Since I've started my sexual life, very early, I've never had time off sex. The max is when I travel alone, if I don't have casual sex whîle I'm gone.

    But I'm not bored enough to be put off sex. Boring with great pleasure and orgasms is still better than no sex.

    There's something else. I've done all sorts of experiments with other men. I've liked many of those, but there hasn't been one I'd like to have often. So, I'm happy my man is so vanilla. Because I am, too. When I really feel like doing something complicated, I do it with somebody else.

    My man is easy. I'm horny, I can just sit on his face, or cock, and get my orgasm. Same for him. He wants oral, he knows I'm always available. He wants a fuck, I'm here. Life is easy in my home. We don't need a lot to be happy. But, yes, the down side is getting bored with sex, sometimes.

    __________________________
    I feel I should say something positive about my man, so that the word defining him isn't "boring".

    We can talk *in depth* about supernova and quasars all the way down to archae and bacteria. Conversations are never, ever boring between us. He's as crazy about sports as I am. Not watching it on TV, but actually doing it. We fit about travels and our travels are about sports. He looks good to me. I find that important, because it keeps my libido working. A look at his naked body and I'm ready for sex. Women are very visual. More so than men. We support each other in all endeavors. He never tries to put a break on my dreams. I want to travel, he'll help me find a destination, even when he's not coming with. Since many men here think of women as gold diggers, I'll also add that we're both financially independent.
     
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  20. longdong03

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    I can understand with sex you gotta spice it up. I try ti profuce different moves and positions. Sometimes i tease a give her a taste of an orgasm then stop each time till she has a crazy explosing or cum. I even have sex in every corner of the house. Hell the floor id even watch tv shows and films i know turn her on. Your guy needs to try harder and be dirtier ha
     
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