It's come to my attention that I may be coming off as very hostile lately with some members and even some I like to call friends around here. I have a lot going on right now in my life that's stressing me out more then I'd like to admit. There's only been one member up until yesterday that knew anything about what's going on in my life and that's our member Texas_Red. He's been good enough to deal with me crying at the drop of a hat and listening when I didn't have anyone else around to talk to. (Not to say that my Husband hasn't been there for me, but while he's at work, I can't really call him up and take him away from what he's doing) Now, yesterday while in chat there were a few members including our Moderator HotWheels. I let it spill that I was going to the hospital to visit with my Uncle for the day and got the societal "Hope he's doing ok" response. I then informed the members that were in the chat what was going on and I'll do the same for those who read this now. My Uncle Mike (my Fathers only Brother) has cancer. The cancer he has is known as Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. It's one of the most common types of Leukemia that generally effects adults over the age of 50. Unfortunately this is not the first time he's had the cancer. Back in 2002 he had his first run with it. He barely survived the treatment but by the grace of God, he survived. With the treatments he went through (Chemo and Radiation) it did a lot of damage to his heart and caused other complications. Statistics show that most patients die within 2 to 3 years after treatments due to complications. Not him. 2005, the cancer returned but it was caught VERY quickly and with a few short treatments, he was back on his feet. Now, February of 2009, the cancer once again returned but in a different much slower progressing mutation. They did what they could and it appeared the cancer had been removed but just a short 7 months later, the cancer had returned in it's same slow mutation. They did a partial bone marrow transplant and it seemed like it had worked. Now, December of 2010, right before my wedding I was informed that it was back, but..it was the rapid progression much like he'd had in 2002. Fast forward to present day. The cancer is taking it's toll on him. Because his heart was damaged so badly with his first bout of treatments back in '02 they aren't able to do the same type of chemo treatments now. The cancer is causing tumors of the lymph-nodes in his body. When he went into treatment there were tumors in his legs, rib cage and spine. Now comes the not so good news. I was informed a few days ago that he was put in the hospital for a bladder infection, about that time, he'd gotten a call from his cancer specialist only to find that out the cancer has moved to his brain... Not good news at all. Patients with this type of cancer that moves to the brain have a grim outlook. Generally without prompt treatment they don't survive more then 2-3 months, tops. I visited him in the hospital yesterday and he looked terrible. It's terrifying as he was up and moving just 2 short weeks ago. When I was there visiting they were giving him blood as his hemoglobin level was down to 7. To put that in perspective, a normal healthy level to be at for an adult is 17. 7 is low for any age though. Needless to say the out looks aren't good and I'm stressed, scared and angry that there isn't much more we can do other then wait and see what's going to happen. Now, the other half of what's going on, and I'll make this part much shorter is this. My nephew Isiah (my Sisters Son) is only 5 years old. He had a seizure about a year ago and has been going for regular check ups to make sure he doesn't have some underlying issue that brought this on. During one of his last visits the doctor noticed that his heart rate/patter/sound just didn't seem right. They did an EKG and it came back abnormal. He was made to go to a child's heart specialist to do further testing. At his last visit the doctors discovered he has a major heart defect that needs correcting. There is a valve in his heart that is damaged that is pumping excess blood to one side, and little blood to the other. While with most the surgery is simple and can be done through the leg or other places, his can't. At the time I was too in shock listening to my sister to really remember WHY he can't have it that way, but, he's going to have to have open heart surgery. A 5 year old..open heart surgery. I'm sure mothers of children can understand how terrifying that must be for my Sister and the family. My first reaction was "but his birthday is in 4 weeks, they have to wait until after his birthday" I couldn't imagine him in the hospital hooked up to tubes and the like on his birthday. He's my little punk ass nephew and I can't bare to think about the dangers of a child going through this is.. The doctor that will be doing the surgery has set up a group meeting with my Sister, her Husband and of course the child so that they can have piece of mind knowing that other surgeons and specialists are on the same page and he's not just jumping the gun. Needless to say the two things above have put me in bad place. I'm worried, I'm scared, I'm emotionally drained. I've gotten to the point where I barely remember the days of the week. I've been spending a lot of time with my family to say the least. I want to make it clear that if I've been overly on edge with some of you it's not you or the forum or anything you've personally done. It's because my fuse is just so short right now that it's easy to push my buttons. So please don't think that I'm angry at you or that I'm being bitchy for just no reason. I really do enjoy being here and I adore all of my fellow forum members. You lot mean a great deal to me and more often then not help me maintain my sanity. I just thought I'd fill you all in an answer any questions that may have been floating around.