Why doesn't anyone have hope?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Animularisen, Apr 6, 2007.

  1. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    :ugh why doesn't anyone have faith in relastionships anymore?
    I've been with my boyfriend 2 months,
    and I'm one of them suckers who believes in the one person...
    Someone you get on with like a house on fire from day one, :dance
    who you feel completely confortable with from day one,
    Who feels like you've been with forever from day one.
    I have that with my boyfriend,
    we've already decided we want to marry each other and have children, and if he had his way he would get me pregnant nw. :sperm (I consider myself too young tho)
    He's amazing in bed, fits me perfectly, gives me confidence, gives me trust,
    Who else has hope?:) :cheer
     
  2. PappaBear

    PappaBear New Member

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    I dont have hope , I have proof . I've been with my wife for over 16 years now , married for 13+ of those . We have only spent one night apart in all that time out of anger & very seldom fight . I gues I'm a very blessed man to have it so good when so many do not , but I'm proof that it can & does happen . Love & happiness can be forever if you take care in seeking it >;]
     
  3. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    What certain people say to me
    is my boyfriend is too young atm
    and that what he says to me is all lies
    now i have some very bad trust problems
    from a past relastionship (violence and cheating)
    He fixed them and I know in myself
    that he isnt lying about what he says
    he does love me, i feel it coming from him
    and i see it when i catch him looking at me.
    I just know...you know?
    I don't understand why people wanna
    reck what i think tho
    i cant help thinking they may be right
    because of my trust problem
    but he comes to my rescure and reminds me what i believe in him
     
  4. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    Eighteen is young, but not too young. I'm a big believer when you meet the RIGHT person, you'll know it. I was floored the first time we met, we got engaged after six weeks, and we are getting close to our 21st anniversary. We are best friends and lovers, and we never get tired of each other.

    I hope that your guy is the right man for you in the longer term. Remember that the gloss does wear off after a while when you have to get down to the routine of life and the compromises of living with each other. All couples find this tough after a year or so together, but it is something we all go through.

    But if the basics are sound, your love will survive. If you love is genuine, then the conflicts will be rare.
     
  5. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    some times people say these thing to you, because it is how they see things, how they have been treated and expect that the few people they have come across in their lives , are exactly how the other 7 billion people are as well. )

    I for one really hope your relationship although only just starting out, lasts for an eternity...
    Every relationship i have ever gone into i have thought this is the one , but so far for me no joy...maybe one day for me it will happen. ( sometimes you find the right person for you and everything works wonderfly well for decades later, others sadly never do find the one person where everything just clicks and falls into place....

    again i hope you have found the guy of your dreams that will be there for your entire life ( maybe even longer than that, who realy knows what happens after we pass on )
     
  6. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    I tend to try and stop thinking oh this could last forever coz 5/10 times they don't but it's nice to thing, you know i just may have a future with this guy, i dont see why we should stop planning for the future just coz you may split up next week. i agree im young but this is my second serious relastionship and the first only finished because he tried to kill me. I fell for the wrong guy, basically like my mom, then fell for another prick but didnt get deep enough in to get hurt but finally met someone who knows what it means to treat someone right, even at his age.
     
  7. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    Life and love can be tough at 18, sometimes it takes many years to find your way, some people never do.
    Live in hope that it will turn out for the best and do your utmost to make it work.
    Then hope you find someone on the same wavelength!
     
  8. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    The reasons i know this is right (the relastionship)
    1. his family have taken a disliking to me and give him ALOT of grief and torture at home about me, he honestly loves me enough to not listen to go through it all, to the extent that his family threated to chuck him out. (thank god they have decided to meet me and try and get used to the fact I'm only 2 years oldeR)
    2. He understands me completely, how i can be cold or distrusting when something new comes around (new person in his life (friend))... He knows i don't mean it but its something psychological i have from my past relastionship that we're working through to help me...
    Don't get me wrong I completely trust this guy, but theres always one doubt, it could always happen again.
    3. Ive never been this confortable with someone straight off, I always worried about how i looked, what i was wearing and such, and with him he could turn up in the middle of the night when i'm wearing basically nothing and no makeup and I wouldnt be bother much... (maybe sleepy lol) I can tell him everything, even something I know might upset him, if it does we work through it... It's basically a good combination for a good relastionship. I don't see what could go wrong yet....
     
  9. Barbwire

    Gold Member

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    Umm, save this thread, print it out, and reread it once in a while for the next 10 years or so. Then report back to us, I have feeling things will be different then.

    I'm one of those folks without hope, but I hope I am wrong.
     
  10. SexFuneral

    SexFuneral New Member

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    Dude, totally.

    "The one" is very very possible. I should know, I found mine -=swoons=-.

    On the subject of hope, I present my favorite quote:

    "We hold on to hope because its the only thing that will always hold on to you."
     
  11. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Animul Arisin,

    You might think of explaining to others how you fit each other's needs. Maybe search campatability tests.

    Something to give you the confidence to look doubtes in the eye with a knowing look. Ceratinaly after two months your house is no fire. There will be timew swhn the fire is embers in the reain. The question wil be, can you bring back the falmses after the rain?

    Here are some Needs from Marriage Builders:


    Affection
    Sexual Fulfillment
    Conversation
    Recreational Companionship
    Honesty and Openness
    Physical Attractiveness
    Financial Support
    Domestic Support
    Family Commitment
    Admiration

    Here are some needs from
    http://www.loveandrespect.com


    Her Needs from her man:

    Closeness
    Openeness
    Understanding
    Peacemaking
    Loyalty
    Esteem

    His Needs for recognition from his Woman:

    Conquest
    Hierarchy
    Authority
    Insight
    Relationship
    Sexuality


    Search Compatability

    Enneagram institute has some easy types for matching.

    Have your astrology charts done together.

    Find some approach that you feel confident with, and just smile at those who doubt.


    Susan Pliver, Tango, Yahoo News:

    Some fears surface in a way that creates more intimacy, instead of less. Be brave.


    The Hard Questions
    1. What have you learned to appreciate about me that you didn't know when we first married? (Or first became a couple.)

    2. What have you learned that irritates, upsets, or frightens you?

    3. Are you satisfied with the amount of time we spend together? The amount of time we spend separately?

    4. Have we had any major life shocks? If so, what did we learn about ourselves, each other, our relationship?

    5. What dreams or expectations did we have about married life? Which have been fulfilled and which have not?

    6. What have I given up for you? How do I feel about it?

    7. What have you given up for me? How do you feel?

    8. At what times have we felt happiest together?

    9. Is our sexual connection satisfying to you? To me?

    10. How do we manage when desire levels differ? [Note: "Though this is a very real and common issue, it's very difficult to discuss," says Piver. "Still, it's worth acknowledging such differences if they exist."]

    11. Where are you feeling content in your life? Our life?

    12. How much money do we have now? How much did we think we would have at this point?

    13. How much money do we wish we had? How much do we want in five years? Ten years? Are we planning for retirement?

    14. How much is each of us contributing to our financial health? (In dollars, or otherwise.) Is each person's contribution acceptable to the other?

    15. Are we preparing for our parents' aging and death? (Emotionally, financially, spiritually.)

    16. Are we in agreement about having children, raising them, educating them?

    17. If we have children, have we explained to them about sex, death, God? Are we comfortable with how we've dealt with these topics? How are they doing with these explanations?

    18. How have we learned to cope with the normal, day-to-day irritations of married life? How could we handle them even better?

    19. Do we feel more emotionally connected than we did early in our relationship?

    20. How would we define love now? How does it compare with what we thought love was when we married?

    .
     
    #11 Logger, Apr 7, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2007
  12. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    1. What have you learned to appreciate about me that you didn't know when we first married? (Or first became a couple.)

    How caring you actually are... Firstly we got together as a fling, sex and no strings but we fell into that wild tunnel of love and have been living there ever since. Before I knew you this much, i thought you were a immuture, uncaring, out for what you could get kind of guy. You proved me wrong, you proved to me that you could care for that one girl in your life, make her happy everyday with just a look or a touch.

    2. What have you learned that irritates, upsets, or frightens you?

    You can be a little immuture at times, mainly around my friends, but I find it fun unless it goes on forever but you usually calm down quite quickly.

    3. Are you satisfied with the amount of time we spend together? The amount of time we spend separately?

    The fact we don't live in each other pockets makes me happy, I've experianced relastionships where your never apart and your never with each other. Our relastionship works best because we see each other the same amount we're apart. I keep my indepentance.

    4. Have we had any major life shocks? If so, what did we learn about ourselves, each other, our relationship?

    Not yet...

    5. What dreams or expectations did we have about married life? Which have been fulfilled and which have not?

    We're not married, but I guess I'm typical I want the house, ring and kiddies.
    I know you want the children, to wake up to me making breakfast and getting the kids ready for school, then us all setting off to work and coming home to each other... sharing everything together, maintain the house, look after the children, pay the bills, all sharing, all together.

    6. What have I given up for you? How do I feel about it?

    We've really not given up that much for each other, because we haven't had to.


    7. What have you given up for me? How do you feel?

    You gave up the acception of your family as they didn't take to me very well.
    Although I figured their actually coming around now.

    8. At what times have we felt happiest together?

    First time we had sex, when we go for walks together, basically any time we spend together we're the happiest we can be together.

    9. Is our sexual connection satisfying to you? To me?

    Yes, best ive ever had, and I'm your first.
    We're constantly improving ourselves too =)

    10. How do we manage when desire levels differ? [Note: "Though this is a very real and common issue, it's very difficult to discuss," says Piver. "Still, it's worth acknowledging such differences if they exist."]

    They haven't yet.

    11. Where are you feeling content in your life? Our life?

    I've never been so happy in my life until I met him.
    We understand each other completely.

    12. How much money do we have now? How much did we think we would have at this point?

    We arn't married & we don't live together, so money is N/A

    13. How much money do we wish we had? How much do we want in five years? Ten years? Are we planning for retirement?

    I want to have a succure life, a good job and enough money to live confortable and give my children an excellent life.

    14. How much is each of us contributing to our financial health? (In dollars, or otherwise.) Is each person's contribution acceptable to the other?

    N/A

    15. Are we preparing for our parents' aging and death? (Emotionally, financially, spiritually.)

    We're to young to even think about that, but I'm guessing we'd be there for each other, I understand what it is to lose something so close to you and I know how long it can take to get over them... (many months - many years)

    16. Are we in agreement about having children, raising them, educating them?

    Yes,
    at first I was all for the names and such I picked and was a bit thingy on wanting to change them, but he came up with some beautiful names and still allows me to name my children my favourite names. I want around 4 kids and I have 2 names for them.... so we'd either work together or he'll name the second two...

    First two - Triston David, Charlie Lucas or Charlie Josphew

    17. If we have children, have we explained to them about sex, death, God? Are we comfortable with how we've dealt with these topics? How are they doing with these explanations?

    N/A

    18. How have we learned to cope with the normal, day-to-day irritations of married life? How could we handle them even better?

    N/A

    19. Do we feel more emotionally connected than we did early in our relationship?

    Yes. Even deeper now.

    20. How would we define love now? How does it compare with what we thought love was when we married?

    Understanding
    Trust
    Friendship
    Closeness
    time
     
  13. SexyScorp

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    There is always hope

    I have had three husbands but apart from fleeting
    moments of despair which are transient....I have
    hope...

    Times are changing and our idea of relationships
    are becoming outmoded...

    No longer do we have to stay when we are not
    happy and women in particular do not have to
    put up and shut up...

    I feel its a matter of haivng the courage to find
    what we need and not settling for second best.

    At this stage in my life, I would rather be without
    a partner, than just be with one that doesnt feel
    right!

    People often underestimate the power of freindship..
    it can indeed be very fulfilling as well as a sexual
    relationship...
     
  14. Animularisen

    Animularisen New Member

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    Very true
     
  15. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Animul Arisen,

    I see that I had failed to correct my typos in the second paragraph of my earlier post to your thread.


    Something to give you the confidence to look doubters in the eye, with a knowing look. Certainly after two months your house is on fire, in that your Love is probably strong. There will be times whrn the fire is embers in the rain. The question will be, can you bring back the flames of Love after the rain?

    Would a friendship or engagement ring help to satisfy those relatives who seem to not be supporting your relationship as fully as possible?

    Your answers to the questions I found seem like your relationship is stronger than weaker. Many women overlook the individual desires of their man for respect. Have you found any special ways to give your man respect?

    Blessings
     
  16. SexyScorp

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    I would like to add to that list....

    HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  17. Sexy Scholar

    Sexy Scholar New Member

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    Remember that it is possible to have confidence in a relationship at the same time as having caution that the two of you may not be as compatible down the road. Your boyfriend is probably as nice to you as he is because he really does care about you-- and that may be true forever. As you said, this is his first relationship, so it is understandable that his passion may be very great, but this may eclipse other kinds of connections you don't have now or won't have later. Many of these possible connections can't even be anticipated by either of you for quite a long time; people change a lot throughout their lifetime at every age. For example, you said you have come a long way in your relationships (and you will continue to make significant changes in what you want for yourself throughout your lifetime I hope).

    It may be alluring to say that you have found "The One", that you want a family and kids, that you have "made it" in a sense, and the rest will go down happily ever after. The point I want to make is that this notion is flawed. If you have found a relationship that goes well, enjoy it, learn from it, have passion in it, develop as person throughout it, but always realize that these may not last forever quite the way that both partners hope for from the very start (or at any point into the relationship for that matter). It is impossible to know. For this reason, binding commitments, such as marriage, and much more importantly, kids, are decisions that should have backing them a strong history of hopefulness. My advice is to enjoy your wonderful relationship and continue to explore it because there is so much to know, and not to worry about "settling" on anything any time soon. If this relationship remains to be everything that the two of you want for any number of years, it will be no loss to make those decisions later. :)
     
  18. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    If the whole world doesn't know SC's fact NÂș 1 by now, they soon will.

    Fleeting moments of despair are part of any normal relationship.

    Times have always been changing and all ideas outmoded apart from the very basic ideas.

    That's your personal choice, take it or leave it.

    Never settle for second best, make the most of what you have chosen, for better or worse.

    Imagine the faint possibility of finding the right partner now at your time of life?

    There are very few people who don't understand the power of friendship over a sexual relationship Scorp, you for one should understand this fact!

    When you get your act together and believe your mind is really open,











    don't call me, I'll call you.
     
  19. SexyScorp

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    Errrmmm.....

    Forgive me if you dont already know this...but....

    I am a woman in her 40s...in her prime...who attracts quite
    a lot of men...

    Maybe you were under the impression i was older like in
    my 60s or 70s?

    And even if I was...am sure there still would be a high chance
    I could meet one, if not several men who woud be good for me

    Why so bitter Elvis...you seem so "resigned" to life...

    ...I am not.....I am ever hopeful and enjoying the magic that
    is coming to me...

    "dont call me...I"ll call you....errrr sorry but you are sort of
    on the wrong track man....have you been drinking....

    ....again....???
     
  20. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

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    Who is SC by the way????