Why do men feel so much pressure to perform sexually?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Firecracker, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    Why is it that men feel so much pressure to perform sexually?! That if a woman doesn't orgasm then they have somehow failed and therefore they feel guilty? Women don't seem to feel the same pressure or at least I don't. I enjoy being close. Orgasms are very nice but they are not all there is. All pressure does it make it harder to men to get excited which leads to sexual frustration. Sex is not a sporting event where one is marked on performance! Just relax and enjoy it!
     
  2. Mephisto

    Mephisto New Member

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    I dunno, I just feel it's my duty to please that booty...dunno why, but I have always thought it important to please her. Maybe as men we have just been programmed to do it, or maybe we want to please that SO because we care about them and want them to have great sex with us who knows...Maybe I'll need to have a few one night stands with someone less special to see if I care if they cum or not, then again probably having a wank would be more satisfying and more likely to happen!!
     
  3. spicy_latina

    spicy_latina New Member

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    I notice that men feel bad if they don't satisfy their partners the day I lost my virginity. I was in a little pain and didn't felt like it was the great thing I now know it is but my bf at that time told me the next day that he was going to make me orgasm till I couldn't take anymore. I guess that like a challenge to them
     
  4. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    I'm a girl and i feel tremendous pressure too.
     
  5. Dreama

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    Well, I don't think anyone should feel pressure. Oh wouldn't it be a fantastic world, if each partner in the universe could just try to please the other and have fun without feeling pressured either way?
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I have avoided pressurising myself in regard to any partner's sexual satisfaction, as applying pressure to oneself does take away a lot of the pleasure of sex. In a long-term relationship, it doesn't take much for a man to learn his partner, and taking her to orgasmic pleasure isn't difficult at all. Or shouldn't be difficult at all. In casual sexual encounters, and I've had a lot of those in my life, it's a bit more difficult. At those times I did my best, but if it didn't happen it didn't happen.

    As men, we aren't responsible for our partners orgasm, and the feminine half of the partnership has to take some responsibility in regards to being in the moment, and perhaps providing verbal or non-verbal guidance. In my past, the women who were easy to read or the ones who talked through what worked for them always got satisfaction. The ones who were repressed or passive rarely got satisfaction first-time, but was that my problem?
     
  7. lbushwalker

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    I'm all the way with Mephisto with this one.
    Consider; if a woman is happy enough to share her body with me then it is incumbent on me to return that gift with everything I possibly can which mean (at least to me) giving her pleasure and the ultimate is orgasm before I can allow myself to take mine.
    Maybe that makes me a door mat but I would not have it any other way nor would any of my many ongoing SOs.
    Have had a few one night stands and also paid-for sex but all felt empty, waste of time, money and energy.
    Guessing must be weird but believe in giving more than taking.
     
  8. MrSnuggles

    MrSnuggles New Member

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    I think it stems from the preconception that women gossip with their friends and the inevitable sex question will always come up. If my girlfriend is gonna talk sex about me with her friends, she better have something good to talk about.

    Also, sex seems to be a defense for women. Whenever you hear a couple arguing, be it on television or in real life, the sex thing always comes up. Embarrassing a guy by talking about his sexual prowess or commenting on the size of his dick always seems to be the way.

    Oh, and did I mention female comedians? Have you ever listened to one of them?
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    MrS,
    It may surprise you but generally women tend to talk about their own sexual experiences much less so than guys.
    How do I know this?
    Well most of my work time is in a female only environment and these ladies have become comfortable with talking to me on such matters but the common thing is they speak in the generalities and not specifics.
     
  10. igor

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    The problem is that a lot of guys, especially those with little experience, feel that they alone are responsible for their partner's orgasm. There are those guys that either don't give a shit about their partner's satisfaction, or those that feel like they failed if their partner doesn't have one thru intercourse.
     
  11. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    I think partners should care a little about each others orgasms but not so much that they put pressure on making it happen. I think we are in a way partly responsible with each others orgasms, only with the fact that your body is pleasing the others body.

    Its really a balance thing. Plus I think guys get satisfaction when they see the woman orgasm. I know it turns me on when my guy finishes also.
     
  12. lbushwalker

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    KH, the difference is that most men can come in 30 seconds if they allow themselves but most women take a hell of a lot longer except Cone, she apparently can beat even premature ejaculatory with use of her toys.
    Us guys, well at least some of us feel it intensely that we owe it to the woman to return the favour but I agree at the end of the day it it up to each individual (in their own head) if he or she makes it happen for themselves.
     
  13. confused08

    confused08 New Member

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    I feel almost completely responsible for my partners orgasm. If she doesnt have one its just not good enough for me. I must, I mean I must make sure she is satisfied. LOL. Not just for her but for me. See to me getting her off gets me off. Sometimes I have a hard time holding back when she is getting off. It just blows my mind to give her an orgasm. I dont know we are all different I guess but i do feel like you have to be somewhat responsible for the pleasure of your partner. Just my opinion.
     
  14. DeeDee Solaria

    DeeDee Solaria New Member

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    Well i just like making sure some one else is satisfied so i try my best to do so, but on the other hand, i've been cheated on before because i wasn't "satisfying her needs". I think I feel pressure to make sure i do a good job because i dont want someone else to take my place.
     
  15. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    So guys, those of you who feel as if you must "satisfy" your woman in bed, how do you go about achieving that? She's had an orgasm and is feeling pretty good. Now what can you do to really satisfy her? I hope you weren't confusing orgasm with sexual satisfaction. If orgasms were all woman wanted out of sex then we could easily masturbate.

    You know, women don't "need" sex in the same way a man needs it. Men need to ejaculate on a regular basis. Women don't. Sometimes we do have sex when we're not particularly that horny (as a favor to you) and therefore probably won't have an orgasm. It's not you. It's us. And it's nothing personal.

    This pressure you feel to "make" your partner come is the reason why so many woman fake orgasm. It puts a lot of pressure on us too, you know. We care about you so much and we know how important it is to you (much more than it is to us) that we're "satisfied," that we actually put on a show. That's right. It's for all for you.

    And when you're in the bathroom cleaning up we'll masturbate and get ourselves off. Don't feel bad if we can give ourselves much more efficient orgasms than you can.
     
  16. lbushwalker

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    PiB, that cuts both ways too.
    Us guys can give ourselves a way better, quicker satisfactory orgasm but that isn't really it.
    At least for me it is more about intimacy, caring, caressing and all that tactile sharing stuff.
    Perhaps the sexes are more alike than not but just express a little differently.
     
  17. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    It goes back to the most basic instinct. Even more important then the one to live. Performance is tied into that and all our thoughts to the contrary it's the most important thing in life.
     
  18. joydean

    joydean New Member

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    Well Bluedragon (bill) and I have been in a relationship just over three years now. In the beginning its true, he did feel presured to perform. But i know he has come to realize that it doesnt matter to me if their is a time when one of us dont cum. And what has been said here is right, takeing away that pressure adds so much to the relationship itself. Cumming is not the only thing, or sometimes not even the most important thing in a relationship. Although he has never had a problem with performing , or in getting me to cum. Its the other things that mean more to us..the way you make one another feel when you touch them , the kissing and other intimate foreplay. This is why when something happens in a relationship where maybe one of the other partners cant have sexual intercourse anymore, I dont understand why the intimacy has to die. Their are so many other things to satisfy.
     
  19. igor

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    Very few guys consider a sexual encounter complete unless they orgasm. That is the goal. (As you pointed out that is not necessarily the case for women). So since a guy figures the orgasm as the "climax" of the encounter, we often feel that the woman needs to orgasm to be completely satisfied also. Therefore, we (some of at least) feel we have failed if she doesn't orgasm.