[Ask a Girl] why do girls tend to go for assholes?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by bigballs69, Aug 1, 2009.

  1. bigballs69

    bigballs69 New Member

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    why do girls tend to go for assholes? and what advice can you give me to become one of those guys that always seems to get the piece of ass?
     
  2. Dreama

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    Girls don't like assholes. Girls tend to overlook the shittiness in a person until they really get to know them. You may have noticed that assholes never keep a chick for too long, and when they do, the other person is always miserable.
     
  3. phil anderer

    phil anderer New Member

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    Perhaps it's a handy lace to put her cigarette.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Assholes tend to be more exciting. You never know what is going to happen next as far as their moods go. I've dated one, and the ups and downs of the relationship sure were a rush.

    Some women, think that they can change an asshole and make a decent person out of him.That was what I tried to do after the initial thrill of dating a "bad boy" wore off. Didn't work and I learned a valuable lesson.

    So yeah, like Dreama said, assholes may get some ass, but they usually don't get to have it for long and end up alone in the end.
     
  5. fireweed

    fireweed New Member

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    I have a theory about this, that the reason girls often choose the 'bad boys' or assholes over 'nice guys' has more to do with sexual hardwiring in their brains than any logical reason. I've asked women this question, and usually the answer is "I don't know why, I just find myself attracted to the jerks".

    I think many women (obviously not all) are just naturally drawn to alpha male types with big egos. A big ego is often percieved as self confidence and strength, characteristics that women are attracted to because back in the jungle it turned out to be a more successful strategy to be like that. I suspect a lot of our sexuality has been shaped by evolutionary forces such as what type of attractions are more likely to produce successful offspring.

    Another woman told me once that she only goes for guys after they have persued her persistently for a while. I told her that right there was a strategy that would virtualy ensure nothing but jerks would come her way. A nice, respectful guy isn't going to persist after being rejected once, usually only the more dense and disrespectful types persist like that. In fact the nice guy may never hit on you at all!

    My advice to her was to pick someone she knows who is nice and attractive and make the first move. At first, she resisted, stating 'I want to be the one that is chased!'. I told her though she can either cling to that romantic idea, or think about things more logically. Shortly thereafter she was thanking me as she hooked up with the guy she wanted without difficulty once she got the nerve up to approach him.

    So that is my advice to women who always get jerks... be more proactive about making moves on guys that you think are cool, quit waiting around for them... and think twice before you go for a guy because you find his bad boy attitude or cocky self-assurance initially appealing.

    There it is, my measly .02 as a guy...
     
  6. lbushwalker

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    This thread is very insightful for me.
    Now as a self professor Bad Boy I also have wondered why that works so much better than when I nice and decent man.
    My feeling on the matter is that it has partly to do with confidence, thrill of being a part of something forbidden and dangerous and curiosity as to the reasons why others have previously been so attracted.
    Anyway as CL rightfully said in the end assholes end up alone but in my case it will be by choice.
     
  7. Maddox

    Maddox New Member

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    I heard that:

    Girls like assholes. Women like nice guys.
     
  8. Hot Wheels

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    Its always amazed me at the crap some girls put up with.....
    Years ago I was sitting in this bar one night having a quiet drink with a friend when the guy beside me gets into an argument with his girlfriend.
    All of a sudden he just king hits her...and I'm like....WTF...she falls back into the arms of her friends...bloody nose, split lip...you know....
    Now call it my "old school" upbringing or whatever, but I havent got much sympathy for a guy who could do that to a woman half his size.
    So I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around...I did exactly the same to him .....:punch
    This dickhead is lying, moaning on the floor...:weaksauce
    I was at least expecting a "thank you my hero" or "how about a date" or something mushy like that....:ladiesman
    And what does she say??.....she screams out....Arrg, "look what you've done to my boyfriend!!!!!":uhh:
    Then tries to attack me......then the bouncers ask my friend and I to leave.....
    Go figure that out???
     
  9. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Yes, abusive men are exciting and interesting but there's more to it than that. The more troubled and flawed they are, they better. It's the "he has potential" phenomenon. Right now she has to tiptoe around his emotions and her entire life revolves around his needs, but her patience and goodness will prevail and make him see the error of his ways. Eventually he'll realize how much truly loves her and become a kind and devoted lover. He will change. She can make him change. Nice guys...well, they're nice. They don't really need her and she wants to feel needed. She needs to feel needed.

    I've seen this scenario carried out in romance novels. Unfortunately, the world of fantasy is the only place where it actually works.

    It's all bullshit, of course. He will never ever change. No one can turn him from an asshole into an angel, least of all his girlfriend or wife. Refusing to fight back - becoming his doormat and his punching bag out of the expectation that he'll somehow notice how much of an inconsiderate prick he's been - will always backfire. If anything, every shred of respect he once had for her will disappear and he'll treat her with even more contempt than before. And every shred of self-esteem she once had will likewise disappear. Soon, she'll become resigned to her life the way it is and stop wishing for anything better. She'll believe that she doesn't deserve anything better. All the mental abuse, all the beatings, they're all her fault. She should know better than to upset him.

    The sad thing is that this happens to so many women, regardless physical appearance or intelligence level. There are lot of emotionally immature men out there who don't know how to have healthy relationships with women, and there are a lot of emotionally immature women out there who don't know how to have healthy relationships with men. When they get together the results can only be bad.
     
    #9 Puss_in_boots, Aug 4, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2009
  10. Trond

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    This reminds me of the story of my life (sorry, I know this thread is for women to answer, but I think it is somehow relevant). I used to be almost too polite back in high school. When I was in love with a girl, I would give her compliments, gifts, paintings I had made for her etc. In the school ball, I asked a girl I had a crush on (well, I was completely nuts for her, to be honest) for a dance, and then kissed her hand as a "subtle hint". None of this ever worked, and I was for a number years completely disillusioned. A few years into university, I more or less gave up. I started to visit strip clubs and even call girls to get some female companionship (I did not completely change though, many of the girls I met at those places liked me for being polite). As it happened, that was when I got a girlfriend. She knew I liked strippers, and I had even told her that I had visited prostitutes. We are happily married today. Go figure.

    I don't really blame girls for liking "bad boys" though. As Puss in Boots points out, both men and women sometimes focus on the wrong things when looking for a partner. I think I (like most guys) may always have been too focused on women's looks, even though I told myself that looks was not the most important thing.
     
  11. fireweed

    fireweed New Member

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    Some very insightful points there. This reminds me of a saying I heard once, it went something like this:

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
     
  12. Hot Wheels

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    Ain't that the truth.....:ugh