Why cheat?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Ms_Logic, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. Ms_Logic

    Ms_Logic New Member

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    Alright, here's a question. I am sure there are a few threads about cheating spouses in here, bashing them or praising them. For those of you who cheat or have cheated in the past, I ask this.

    Why do you do it? I am sure we all have our reasons for our actions, what are yours?
     
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  2. Silent22

    Silent22 New Member

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    Well I have only been with one girl in my life, and still am :) But honestly I think its because males want to have other partners, and do not want to just be with one girl. Because to many sex is something to be explored. I wont lie I have had thoughts of having sex with other women other then my girl, but they are only thoughts. Because its within our genetics saying to spread the seed and reprocriate the species.

    Thats my opinion. But being I would never cheat or do anything like that matter, its probably not a good one.
     
  3. Steel

    Steel Member

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    Steel’s #1 rule of dating that must be adhered to by both parties….. If you or I decide that the relationship is so bad that we want to be with other people, we will end it first and not put the other through the pain of being cheated on.

    When you cheat on someone you cause them such pain… you create questions of self-worth and inadequacy. This damage can be long term or permanent. If you do, or ever have loved your partner, don’t put them through this.
     
  4. Clark

    Clark Member

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    I can answer this one easily...

    I've been married for 11 years and have never cheated. But I'm VERY tempted to.

    My wife and I are complete opposites, sexually. I have a voracious sexual appetite and she has no libido at all. This has led to great sexual frustrations for me.

    So, when my wife doesn't want to have sex with me... and we go one or two years like that and not having any sex, I feel trapped by my marriage. I don't really want to have sex with anyone but my wife. But if my wife won't have sex with me, and my sex drive is going crazy, what am I to do?

    Yeah, I jack off. But, long-term, it really makes me feel pretty pathetic that I have to jack off for years because my wife doesn't want to have sex with me.

    (I could give lots of background about how we got into this predicament, and what I've tried to do to resolve this, but I'll save that for another post.)

    So, I go to work with plenty of good-looking, professional women co-workers, and my blood is boiling. It makes me constantly desire sex outside of my marriage. Sex with a woman who might reciprocate my sexual desire. A woman who would enjoy and look forward to having sex with me. A woman who would make sex fun.
     
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  5. heelfetish

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    You know, as much as I'm against cheating, having been on the receiving end, I can totally understand your frustration and desire to stray. If it's been years, as you say, I have no idea how you've shown such great restraint. :(
     
  6. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    I have cheated. For me it was complicated. It began because i wasn't used to getting any kind of attention from guys and i wasn't yet comfortable in my relationship, it then developed to a point where i felt unable to stop it. But my boyfreind did know what was going on and luckily forgave me and we are still together now.
     
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  7. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    People cheat because there is something missing in their marriage.

    It might be sex, it might be love and affection or it might be respect, whatever is missing, if they find it in someone else, they might be tempted to cheat.

    People often say, if you are going to cheat you should leave your relationship first, but that is not always easy, if there are children involved, you are afraid of a violent partner or for financial reasons, it is not always possible to leave.
     
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  8. Joe

    Joe
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    Yes, I've cheated.

    My first marriage ended up being sexless for the last 12-15 years, and at the very end of it I cheated. Part of the reason was because I was horny as hell, but it was also because I wanted to be sure I could still perform. Sounds silly, but after all that time I wasn't sure.

    The second time was when I was in a long-distance relationship. We only saw each other every 2-4 weekends, and even when we did, there was something missing. She was handicapped with a birth defect, and while I loved her personality, I never could get over her handicap and obesity.

    I've never much regretted the first instance, but I've never really forgiven myself for the second one. I should have just broke up with her first -- or better yet, never gotten that close to her in the first place since I was never physically attracted to her.
     
  9. Bluesy

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    For one thing, both men and women are biologically programmed to be promiscuous, so we have instinctual obstacles to monogamy. I had an extramarital affair once-upon-a-time (divorced now), my rationale at the time being the deteriorated state of my marriage, he wasn't interested in marriage counseling, and I had a guy friend I'd grown attracted to, who made it very clear that he was interested in more than just friendship. I ended up leaving my ex-husband for the guy friend.

    I think what often happens is that the pull of infatuation is so overpowering--it affects the brain like a drug, giving you a lovely, inimitable "high"--and when it fades a few years into a relationship (because the brain is programmed to stop producing infatuation-making chemicals after a period of time), people want that high back again, they miss the excitement of fresh-out-of-the-package romance. And if you aren't all that compatible with your chosen partner, if there isn't a solid foundation of friendship, shared values, goals, and personality traits, the deep and abiding love of real partnership can't develop to take infatuation's place. Also, some people get hooked on the infatuation high because they're missing something in life, whether it be purpose, self-esteem, authentic happiness, etc.

    And some people are just too damn horny :lol Seriously, sex can become an addiction for some people. Reckless promiscuity is a feature of various mental illnesses, e.g., bipolar disordered people tend to get into a lot of trouble when it comes to sex due to mania and its impact on libido and judgment.

    Lots of explanations, really.
     
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  10. blueyedcouple

    blueyedcouple New Member

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    Cheating

    My husband and I have had many conversations on this topic. In his first marriage his wife cheated and it came down to them both sleeping with other people, some they told each other about others they didn't. He says he felt like he did it because she was doing it, she started doing it and she wouldn't stop so he started. This was a great concern for me before we got married, however, I know I believe everything there is to know and I feel like I know him. I made it very clear to him that I do not believe in sleeping with other people and that is not acceptable in my marriage. He agrees with this also and feels his first marriage had so many issues in that department, ours is trully a different relationship.:)
     
  11. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    Like Bluesy said, there's lots of explanations.. I would never cheat though. I would much rather him break it off with me first and then do whatever he wants to do. It's one thing if you're into it, but I couldn't imagine sleeping with some other guy while I'm with my man.
     
  12. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    You took the words out of my mouth, Bluesy

    It is a primal innate behavior, for us to have multiple partners.
    It is primal because we had to find a way for our genetics to pass to the next generation, if we failed to impregnate a sexual mate our genetics would fail to be passed

    So you see we are acutual try to constantly suppress these urges with a monogomous relationship

    I have never cheated, I have urges but never have followed them
     
  13. trophy-husband

    trophy-husband New Member

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    I've never cheated on my wife of 40+ years. She has cheated on me more than once. Her explanation for cheating was that she had unfullfilled sexual needs. This is from a woman who would not let me kiss her, have and give oral sex, or engage in foreplay.

    I don't know why i'm still married to her.
     
  14. cbrmale

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    Quite right, we are programmed to cheat and the challenge is to NOT cheat. To not cheat , all the ingredients of the relationship (companionship, intimacy, shared ideals and values) must be working. And even in extremely robust relationships, many still have thoughts they may not act on.
     
  15. satyr7

    satyr7 Member

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    I have many moons ago. My better half is very conservative in bed. She likes it very traditional so to speak. So I guess my reasons were to experiment and find out what this other woman would be like. Needless to say,she took me places I have never been before....even had a threesome;-)
     
  16. lbushwalker

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  17. Candela

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    Nope..Not..going..to..be..called..a..snark!!.....2007..thread.....:D
    .
     
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  18. Jack Mac

    Jack Mac New Member

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    OP, ask yourself this question: "Are you absolutely sure the person you are with now is the last person you ever will have sex with? It's like the "infinite hotel". It's always full, but there is always room for one more person.
     
  19. Lipluv

    Lipluv New Member

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    My wife is all prim and proper and professes she only has eyes for me, a few to many glasses of wine and she does what and who she wants. She's mentioned some of our friends she thinks are attractive and she's not shy to invite them to the bedroom. To her, it's cheating if you hide it. Does this qualify?
     
  20. Barent

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    If you have an open relationship, it isn't cheating. It does sound like alcohol may be a problem here, though, if she only beds other men while intoxicated.