Why can't I talk to girls?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by cegha, Jul 22, 2005.

  1. cegha

    cegha New Member

    Jul 20, 2005
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    Well first time poster here, been reading for about a week or so. I'm going to be a senior in high school when i start back (next month), and for some reason it seems all my life i could never talk with girls. Like last year it seemed like i could somewhat have an intelligent discussion with them but if i felt any attraction to them i couldn't really talk. Was just wondering if there is some way i can learn to talk to them. Like if im talking to someone online i can say pretty much what i want but if im talking face to face then it's just hard to talk.

    I guess i kind of feel embarassed by the way i dress. Most of the guys at my school, are preppy and dress with pink button down shirts and white shirts underneath. I wear stuff like a plain one color shirt and some cargo pants or novelty tees (those shirts that say like "Keep staring i might do a trick"), and that doesn't seem to help either, i guess they see me as a bum sorta.

    I am kind of a dork (i own 5 PCs, 2 xboxes, every gen console, getting xbox 360), which doesn't really help, as i don't know any girls at my school that like games, or anything technology related.

    Another reason is my pimples (yea that and glasses kinda makes you a dork, lol), i mean it's not super bad but my face kinda has red patches to it. Incase your wondering i do have a pic of myself.


    That is a picture of me holding one of my lizards. Any advice you people can give me. BTW i don't think i ever had a girlfriend which when i think about it makes me really sad. I JUST CAN'T ASK A GIRL OUT NO MATTER WHAT. I don't know why. So can someone give me some tips.
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Feb 8, 2005
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    Dixie Land
    Hi there! Welcome to 'sexualforums'.

    I know you feel like everyone but you has a girlfriend. It can really suck to feel like the odd one. All of us have probably felt that way at some point in our lives. I know I have. It's just 100 times worse when you're a teenager, cuz teens can be really cruel to each other.
    If you recognize things that you think are worth changing, then go ahead and change them (i.e. novelty Tshirts, etc.). But don't try to be someone you are not. It will be much easier to talk to people if you are not pretending to be something you are not.
    I see nothing wrong with talking and meeting on line. One of our children met and married a man from one of those sites. Both were in college, tight on time, and didn't do the bar/club scene. They've been married for 3 years and are perfect for each other. btw - he had pimples when he was in high school,too. Didn't matter, some girls look deeper than the top layer! And those pimples DO go away!
    You need to write down a list of all your positive points, and refer to them often. Believing in yourself and developing self-worth will carry you a long way in one-on-one meetings.
    I'm sure others will respond, so I'll leave it at that. Good luck to you!
    Personally, I think pink button-down shirts are kinda dorky. :lol
  3. Eros

    Eros New Member

    Jun 8, 2005
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    The sandy state
    Welcome cegha to the forums.

    I had similar problems when I was in high school - I was called a dork, was short, a late bloomer, extremely shy, had lots and lots of pimples, had a problem talking even to guys and couldn't speak to girls, played wrestling for 3 years and never won a match, had only a couple of friends and didn't even have great grades.

    Well it gets better!! Now I am a doctor, have a beautiful wife, good life, am considered a cool boss and get hit on a lot. Before my wife, I had increasingly more and more women interested in me. I have learned a few things.

    First of all: Talking to anyone is a learned behavior. Some people have a natural gift and most make it look easy. It isn't easy to start with though. It is extremely uncomfortable at first. The trick is to start talking to people. Start in safe environments with few people - start a conversation with the cashier at starbucks for example. Something easy - a 2 min conversation while she is making your coffee. A trick to learning how to start conversations - listen and take note how someone that you think is good at talking to people start conversations with others. Copy it. Humor is a great way of making others at ease. Then talking to girls becomes easier.

    Two - be yourself. If you try to please others, likely some will like you and some won't. If you just be yourself, likely some will like you and some won't. So you might as well be yourself. You sound like a nice guy and i am sure there are lots of nice women that would love to get to know you.

    Three - fashion. If the style isn't working for you. It is easy to change. Just make sure you find a style that is still 'you'. The outward impression - how you keep your hair, dress etc.. is the only info strangers have to go off of. Also be aware of your body type - some clothes make you look shorter, taller etc.. www.menshealth.com have some articles on fashion tips. I am sure that there are lots of other resources.

    Four - Hobbies. True not a lot of girls like technology and games. Fine. Don't give them up; but maybe find some other hobbies or interests that you like that get you out into the world of others and into the world of chicks. When I was in college i was heavy into martial arts - not a lot of girls there. So i took ball room dance classes - had fun, met girls, made friends, and forced myself to interact with others. The classes still come in handy: able to dance with 'the ol ladies at family parties', and able to be romance with my wife now and then. Art classes, hiking clubs, even church can be good outlets.

    Five.Kinda a combo of the the others but: being 'cool' is also a learned behavior believe it or not. Watch people you think is 'cool' and take notes. You'll find that you start to see 'the tricks'. Adopt them. Most of the tricks revolve around making others feel comfortable, smiling, making some jokes, acting confident and being comfortable being you.

    Six. Be kind to yourself. You seem like a cool guy and high school does suck. It gets better and people become less cruel as time goes on. Relax about it all - it does take time. Remember also that getting a girlfriend shouldn't be your goal. Getting the right girlfriend who is your best friend and can experience life with you is a better one. Even if you haven't had a GF - don't sell yourself short.

    I hope this helps a little. I see the super shy kids that work for me and try to tell them that I was like that - they don't seem to believe me and say that I am super outgoing. Talking to others is something that can just come with a little consistent effort.

    I hope this helps a little.

    Take care and best of luck to you!
  4. Logger

    Gold Member

    Dec 6, 2003
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    Talking to Women:

    I suggest rehearsing quesitions to get a woman talking. Identirfy what you think a woman is interested in, and ask her some questions about her interests. If one line of questions fizzles out, have another line to talk to her about. Have in mind doing something to do after school. Or meeting her in the morning to walk to school.

    Target a young lady, and find out who her freinds are. Take one lady at a time, and geiver her a few weeks before you give up on her and swiitch to someone else. It takes a while to build up a boy-girl relationship.

    I have books of counseling questions to practice from. Do you have books of converational questions? Do you have compliments ready for her and her friends?

    Appearnace can be helpful, find out what your targeted Lady wants you to wear. How her dad wants you to cut your hair. I should have done better connecting with some ladies fathers than I did. I could have done better and it would have been easier.

    Here is a Link to and SF Thread where the issues for approaching women were discussed:


    Here is an SF thread from a Woman's perspective, so you don't think that only the male presepctive leaves confusion:

    Do you have any friends that have any goodlooking sisters?


    I searched Talking and Talk. You might search Coversation or Approaching

    #4 Logger, Jul 22, 2005
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2005
  5. kbate

    kbate New Member

    Dec 20, 2004
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    You are not going to like this, but it is simple and true.

    You need to just walk up and say "Hi" to the first girl you are attracted to. If she rejects you and does not want to talk, you need to approach another.

    It is called "throw your hat over the fence." Commit yourself and do the thing you fear to do. You will never get over being shy and unable to talk to girls unless you simply steel yourself and make the first move.

    So, take a risk. Pick the girl you like and just say "hi" to her.
  6. BigBoy

    BigBoy New Member

    Jun 17, 2005
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    Some would suggest, go to the mall or someplace with alot of people and just walk up and introduce yourself to women. Don't try to pick them up or start long conversations, just small talk and move on. Do it to fat, short, ugly, and hot chicks. After a while, you'll find that walking up to women and starting a conversaton is second nature.

    Others would say

    First of all, I wouldn't go out with a group of friends that are more extroverted (hope that sounds right) than I am, that will only make your shyness bigger. You have to practice your conversation skills.

    If you want to invite girls out bowling, don't do it in a straight-forward manner, for example:

    Do: "I'm going to go bowling, wanna come? Yes, you do, pick you up at 7". That's asking but also kinda answering the question yourself, keep a relaxed-tone you're not making them go, you are ONLY making it easier for them to say yes, remember to sound nice somehow.

    Don't: "Would you like to go bowling with me?" They will begin to look at each other wanting the other one to respond but most of the times none of them will say yes. Women are shy. FACT.

    Make the group be 30% guys and 70% girls, you don't want a "YOU'RE DISMISSED" like situation.

    and another might say that What did it for me was working out and getting a "buff" body. Women now that I haven't seen for months tell me how "big" I've gotten. In fact, one woman in the office I'm based out of gave me a hug when she saw me and her response to me was "God you're hard as a rock". She was of course speaking of my chest and not my cock LOL.

    But, my point here is with having a buff bod, I've gained more self confidence and more aggression in terms of going after what I want.

    Just today in fact, there was this really hot chick at this dealership I was at and she had this really bitchen tatoo of a dragon on her right foot. So, I complimented her on her tattoo and things went from there. I didn't ask her out as I was on my way out the door but it's just that easy. Find some sort of commonality and go for it. If they sense that you're confident within yourself, you'll do very well.