Why can't I make myself cum?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Sexual Person, Jul 26, 2014.

  1. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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    And I've never been able to and I don't know why. I mean know I've only had sex about twice right now in my life time as I make this post. So I haven't even had enough sex in my life to cum, but some people can make themselves cum even when they're not having sex. I mean I get hot and horny at times so that means that I probably should be able to cum, but I never cum when I'm feeling that way and trust me I do get hot and horny. So much that I start to ache down there. Then why?! Just why can't I cum then?! I'm so afraid that if I can't even cum in the future while actually having sex then I'm gonna make my future partner unhappy. They'll think that they're not turning me on when I don't cum, but I may really be getting turned on and they wouldn't ever know, because I can't cum. I've even tried to stick my fingers up there before and that doesn't work. I can't even masturbate correctly to make myself cum. I'm so worried about this right now and that I don't wanna disappoint my future partner. Just what'll I do? :(
     
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  2. HotForHoney

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    Buy a toy and relax!

    Watch a video. Relax and enjoy. If I want it too bad, I can't cum either.
     
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  3. 10_3XL

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    I'm with H4H on this one - you've got to relax! Switch off the thinker while you tinker. ;):p
     
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  4. CreamyJustice

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    Relaaaxxx and it will cum, lol. Trust me. Dont worry abt a toy, use ur fingers, concentrate on the clit, use ur imagination and just let go. Dont clench up when it starts to get good, ride the wave until completion. On second thought, a vibrator might do u some good....let it take u away.
     
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  5. Lizzie73

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    I can say with absolute conviction that sex is primarily a mental thing. The female orgasm is much more likely to happen if you're relaxed. The above posts are right on the money about that. And don't let the orgasm be your goal. Enjoy sex and self-touch for pleasure and not just to have an orgasm, and it's much more likely to happen. :)
     
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  6. Alwayslearningsex

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    mmmm. I would suggest you keep trying exploration. Sorry to say this if it makes no sense, I would say you explore without expectations, not having the goal to orgasm, enjoy the sensations if they feel good, push your limits a bit.
     
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  7. Lqqker2

    Lqqker2 New Member

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    my wife is 36 and made herself cum for the first time about a year (maybe two) ago. It has changed our sex life (and her desires) tremendously. Learn to explore yourself - a toy (or two) never hurt either!
     
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  8. lbushwalker

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    One simple solution; allow yourself!
    As others have said it is all internalised so give yourself the permission regardless what other crap may have been instilled into your psyche.
    Mantra: It is all about me, for me and because of me!
    Fuck all else matters :)
     
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  9. The_Dark_Prince

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    I'm with everyone here try relaxing and taking your time it's not a race.
     
  10. simplytheone

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    I have been married for 23 years and up until last year only had clit orgasms. Then last year I just went with what I was feeling during intercourse and not only did I have 1 orgasm, I actually had multiple orgasms it was a great feeling. Then a few months ago I had orgasms while kissing and just the other week had a couple while my playmate was lightly touching my nipples. As the others have said just go with it, just let your body take over and it is a wonderful thing.
     
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  11. MarkJ420

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    The primary sex organ is the brain relax let your brain take the rest of your body to orgasm. The brain doesn't let tbe body do anything unless is feels 'safe' and ready. Its cautious right now because you're sending it thoughts to be cautious once you tame that and relax and let your self go. And go with the flow which you will manage soon.. then you will cum.
     
  12. Alwayslearningsex

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    Any new development from OP?
     
  13. Sexual Person

    Sexual Person Member

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  14. Sweetlysad

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    As someone who not always been able to cum easily I am going to try to help.

    First off you said you tried sticking your finger up there.
    I think you need to first learn how to masturbate. You need to explore and figure out what works for you
    Here's an article that might help
    http://badgirlsbible.com/how-to-finger-yourself

    You need to relax and enjoy the moment, watch some porn, read a story, look at pics.
    Go to a place totally inside your mind. If you are laying there thinking I can't cum it's not going to happen.
    I will start with some porn maybe then shut my eye and be totally in the moment that's when I cum.
    Now most of the time laying there relaxed doesn't work for me. My body will tence up
    as I cum. That's perfectly normal
    http://www.m.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/cant-orgasm-heres-help-for-women

    The type of tension that helps women reach orgasm is muscle tension (myotonia). Many women have the mistaken impression that they should relax and "just lie there" because they've heard that relaxation during sex is important. But it turns out that muscle tension is often necessary for an orgasm. In my experience, the majority of women learn to have their first orgasm by incorporating a fair amount of leg, abdominal, and buttock tension.

    I hope that helped.

    My own issues with not being able to cum where totally in my mind.
    It's something I have had to work on.
     
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  15. ply

    ply
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    I have not masturbated and cum in years. It just holds no appeal for me
     
  16. lbushwalker

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    'Stralia Mate!
    WTF do you do and what stimulates you and then why are you on this sex site?
    In fact what gender are you anyway?
    *shakes head in amazed puzzlement*
     
  17. ply

    ply
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    I pounded it hard when I was a kid, but anymore I'd just as soon let a partner pound it, suck it or do the dirty. Whatever. I'm just not into pounding it all by myself
     
  18. billytk1977

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    I not into pounding it myself either.....




    Scrap that, i do that too
     
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  19. ky1girl

    ky1girl Member

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    I have the same problem. But this new for me. I had no problem before. I watch porn and read stories and bought toys and all I feel is all bottled up and I can't release it until with my husband and he works two jobs. I SUCKS!
     
  20. jdm320

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    An orgasm is the climax of a pleasurable act between one or more people. The key word is pleasurable. Relax, enjoy sex, either with a partner or solo. don't worry about the orgasm, just focus on doing what is pleasurable to you, and it will come. (pun intended). If this continues, you may need to consult your physician.