Why am I such an asshole?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Jayce, Jun 16, 2006.

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  1. Jayce

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    Just raging because my girlfriend and I just got into a pretty heated argument. We've been together for over 4 years, been through thick and thin, and still it's the little stuff that keeps boiling up that seems to cause the biggest burden on our relationship.

    Lately our relationship has been dry. She doesn't hug me like she used to, we don't kiss like we used to, and we haven't had any intimate moments together for quite a while (I'd say about 5 months). She tells me she's just changing a bit and doesn't like to "make out" like we used to, which is funny cause I'm the same way... but I'm sorry I like a quick kiss with a tongue flick every now and then... makes me feel like our relationship is still young and rebelous.

    Before all of you go off on the handle like oh it's a warning sign she's seeing somebody else... well, I know I probably sound like all guys but that's just not a consideration here. I know she loves me and she tells me all the time she does, and in fact today she broke down in tears upset because she feels bad that we've had a dry spell lately. I just don't know.

    I just got off the phone with her, today we spent the entire day at the beach with some friends. Unfortunately our little argument started at the end of the day down there, but we got over it. After we got home it heated up again. But I think we kind of buried the hatchet a little bit. It's just a matter of both of us being mature and realizing we have a problem, then being responsible and taking care of that problem. We both agreed that we'd work harder to make things go smoothly between us, so hopefully everything will go fine when she goes back to college.

    This is just a rant. Post what you wish. :yell :) :lol :eyes :phat :dgrin :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
     
  2. pirouette

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    You're probably not an asshole - just human.
     
  3. Logger

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    Ranting is a good first step.

    Another step is to identify your own feelings. Did you need to express your feelings? Were there any alternatives to allow GF to express her feelings, without escalating?

    What were the feelings she expressed? Are there deeper issues? Are there actions you could take to show compromise and love?

    Sometimes we are surprised by the feelings expressed by our lover.

    I try to have some phrases handy for surprises.

    "I didn't realize that was an issue for you, let me give that some thought to see how I could be more considerate."

    I try to avoid saying "No" or "Never"

    Anything GF has been asking for, that you have been putting off?

    A Diamond Engagement ring often makes things smoother.
     
  4. pussycat69

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    Yes,it sure does.LOL:lol
     
  5. Jayce

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    I don't know. For a while I seriously thought, why the fuck do I even bother, she doesn't even care anymore. But seeing her last night break down I knew she still does care very much so, I guess our ways of detecting it/showing it have just changed over the years.

    What I'm going to have to do is just bite my tongue and make sure the things I say and do don't upset her, because evidently a lot of the shit that pisses her off is stuff I have no idea I'm even doing. My patience has just grown severely thin having to deal with her being away at college, and now that she's home, this is the time to put everything aside and enjoy the time we have together instead of using it to piss whone bitch and whine, yet that's what we're doing anyway.

    She called me today from work and sounded happy to talk to me yet pissed off (cause she was at work setting up for the busy season). So I spoke to her for 10 minutes trying to encourage her to enjoy the rest of her day. I didn't think she'd call me at all today but, guess not. I think I may go over and surprise her later...

    An engagement ring isn't a possibility right now, because she still has 3 years of college to go through, and her and I made a decision if we end up getting married we're going to wait until the later years of her college career to get engaged. Right now with the stress load we're under during school season, it just wouldn't make sense. I know she'd look down on the ring and feel very empty as she tries to cram for her finals and whatnot. I'd just rather wait until it's a more meaningful/expected time in our relationship, yet towards the end of her college career, that such a question be asked.

    On a side note, it may sound ridiculous that I have this all planned out but, I know exactly how I'm going to ask her to marry me. At her college, there's a football field across the street. Her and I sometimes go over there to just lay out in the grass or even throw a football around for a little bit. I thought about packing a small radio in a backpack, since I always take my backpack with me, and going over there with her again. After laying out for a while, I thought about somehow getting into the conversation about our future, where education is leading us, etc... then more or less asking her. Then after that, no matter how many people may be around or practicing for football season or whatever, I'd get the little radio out I had hidden in my backpack as we danced to our favorite love song, just her and I in a big open field.

    BUUUUUUUUUUUUT that's still a few years down the road... and right now we gotta mend the issues at hand as opposed to worrying about engagement. It just doesn't help that I have a hot temper, either. When I explode, I literally just go insane... although it takes a lot to push me to that point (hell, when I got rear ended, I spoke to the dude like he was an old buddy of mine.. didn't even care much about the situation at hand).

    Mehhhhhhhhhhhhh I fucking hate this. We'll see what happens...
     
  6. Clark

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    I don't know you or her, but I wouldn't recommend proposing...

    If you're at college with her, I might speak differently. But if she's away at college...

    Wait til she gets back. Once you two are able to see each other more often, you'll have a much better feel for how to deal with each other's shit.

    That's really what marriage is about anyway: find a person you love with all your heart and figure out how to deal with their shit for the rest of your life.
     
  7. Jayce

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    The engagement thing I spoke about was in response to somebody else suggesting it (as a joke I think). Although, it's definitely not happening for quite a few years!!
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Hey, jayce... may i ask you something?

    What are your plans for your career/college/future. Your S/O seems to have a goal plan for her future, but i haven't read what you are doing during these college years. In the back of my mind, i am wondering --- what if she is having concerns about compatability (say, on a mental or economical level), as she is furthering her education and you are _ _ _ ?
    :shrug - just a random thought from too much coffee. :lol
     
  9. sarch

    sarch New Member

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    If you can't be happy on your own, how can you expect to be happy in a relationship?

    Everyone has feelings, if she can't respect yours you need to get out. Love is bidirectional.

    A woman who gets mad at the smallest thing would never be a woman of mine. I don't suggest leaving her, but if she only gets mad at your own opinions or feelings then maybe you should reconsider.
     
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