Who's Right

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by ~emm~, May 12, 2007.

  1. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    well... we have a 13 year old daughter, im pretty laid back... i remember when i was that age

    well her father found some porn on her computer, he came downstairs and ranted to me about it. personally, i have no problem about it... its normal, i did it. im glad shes come to this stage. shes started bringing men home, we both know she does stuff when we are not in the house, it's obvious.

    but... who's right? my husband is ranting at me about it saying she has to be stopped, but then there's me ranting back saying it's fine aslong as she is careful when it comes to sex. this is slowly driving our relationship apart, we argue about it every night just about. i've talked about it to her but she deniys it and blames it on pop ups (ive been there, done that)

    am i in the wrong? or am i talking sense :ugh give me your opinions and advice on what to do :$
     
  2. sexaholic

    sexaholic New Member

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    So lemme get this straight... Your husband has no problem with your daughter having sexual contact at 13--which can have some real consequences; pregnancy, STDs, etc.--but has problems with her looking at something that posses absolutely no risk? Unless she is looking at child pornography or sex abuse vids, I'm not quite sure I 'get' it, but OK... It's possible the ranting isn't 'actually' about pornography at all, but I'm no expert.
     
    #2 sexaholic, May 12, 2007
    Last edited: May 12, 2007
  3. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    I don't think there's any harm in looking at porn.. They are gonna do it sooner or later. I think your hubby is just being the over protected dad that we all know and love. :) My dad was the same way when I was that age. NO boys what so ever! My mom on the other hand didn't care, but made sure I knew the consequences. She sat me down and told me EVERYTHING so I didn't have to find out the hard way. And the more you keep your kids away from the something, the more they will want it.
     
  4. heelfetish

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    You can't stop your daughter from looking, or even from engaging in sexual practices. What's important now is that she is well informed of all aspects of sex. About STDs, birth control, and love. You can't stop her from growing up, but you can guide her down the right path. :)
     
  5. angelbaby

    angelbaby New Member

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    What To Do

    Emm,I have a seventeen year old son and I have 2 girls,ages 16 and 13.I would rather them have porn on the pc,have safe sex,than listen to peers and get in trouble.Listening to their peers they could get pregnant(he could get some young girl pregnant),they could get std's or worse.I believe you are right,and believe me I am one very protective mother.We were kids once,so we can't fault them......:sf
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    Your hubby is probably wrong, but... hey, he's a guy. My daughter is 33 years old and has three kids of her own, but her husband, as much as I like the guy, had better NOT be having sex with MY daughter!! ;)

    Dads have a very tough time seeing their daughters' sex lives objectively, especially their very young daughters. IMHO your daughter is certainly too young to be having sex. (I'm unclear what you meant by "does stuff in the house".) But she's not too young for you to talk to her about it. Keep your cool, let her know that you're always available for talks, and don't ever condemn her for her actions, whatever they are, but don't make light of them either. Be honest but firm in your beliefs. She should understand that what she sees in porn is not normal, typical sexual behavior, and that -- for her own good -- she should wait a few years before becoming sexually active.

    Tell your husband that you're talking to her about it, that curiosity about sex is normal at that age for boys and girls, and that you're doing your best to keep her hormones under control. (I hope that's true.) Don't let this come between you and your husband. Maybe you two can agree in principle, even if not to the letter.
     
  7. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Just one thing ( just curious as to what you meant ) when you said "shes started bringing men home" i guess your meaning boys rather than men ?

    But there is no problem with her exploring porn , i think a lot of us where at that age, i know i was, and had been for a few years by then as well as having sex.

    It is a natural curiosity for both males and females.
     
  8. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    yeah sorry, was like 4am when i wrote this. well shes quite a tall girl (looks older than she is) the boys i've seen look about 16-18:$ so.. call them what u want

    i got no problem with this... but it drives my hubby up the wall
     
  9. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    sorry emm like i said i wasnt meaning anything bad by it ...
    Just for me i guess i never classed myself a man till i was 18...


    But personaly i think your the one in the right..
    but i dont have children so i cant say for sure how i would react...but i would hope i would do so in the way you have.
     
  10. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    ohh, thats a positive response, thanks for that :)
     
  11. cbrmale

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    If my daughter brought home men at 13, I would have had a hard time getting my head around it. However, many at this age become sexually active, and all the prohibitions in the world won't stop it. My douaghter is fifteen and still not interested in boys, but when the time comes she has our blessing to do what she wishes at home, and I have advised her to practice safe sex when the time comes. I have ascertained that she has been educated enough at school to know what to do, so I have encouraged her to put into practice what she has learned with the proviso that condoms aren't that reliable as a birth control method (85% reliable I think).
     
  12. crayola

    crayola New Member

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    I'm no parent, and I realize teens are having sex earlier and earlier. But, if I were to allow my 13 year old to be promiscuous, I'd want to know if she's having intercourse or not. Teens are generally stupid, and though it's good that you trust her, don't forget that she is likely to screw up. And with sex mistakes, there are no re-dos.

    If this had happened to her at 16, I'd agree with you. At 13, your husband has a point. However, it's good that you and he both disagree, which will probably lead to a healthier compromise.
     
  13. crayola

    crayola New Member

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    I mean with the sex not the porn. Porn is fine.
     
  14. Hjack

    Hjack New Member

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    if i was your husband...and our 13 year old daughter was sexually active (as in multiple relationships) i would have a huge problem with it. thats just me though, maybe others feel differently. but it could be worse, your husband could take drastic or violent measures against this...it has been known to happen.
     
  15. PappaBear

    PappaBear New Member

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    13 is old enough to be sex curious but way to young to be sexually active , much less having guys in her room or "doing stuff" with em . I'm with your hubby based on what I've read .
     
  16. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    mmm, well i was sexually active at her age, so i probably look at things slightly differently? :ugh

    thanks for your comments, they are really helping
     
  17. minxy3

    minxy3 Banned

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    look at it this way hun. she either brings boys home at least were u know were she sis and have a certain degree ofsupervison over or she is out at their houses doing gawd knows what and nobody there if somthing goes wrorng( not syaing that it will but its always smthing to keep in mind )
    again i agree with everybody else aslong as she is totally clued into all the aspects and consequences of sex and sexual activities then it should be fine........YOu should be proud of teh afct that your daughter feels comfortable enough to bring boys home, knowing that you know what she gets up to ...i was very very open asa child with my parents and it has helped me so damn much ........ actually how i came to be on this sit e^.^ i am a SF virgin lol was worried bout some things and wanted answers mum didnt want me to base my thoughts on what she said as everybodys first time is different so she searched on google for me and found this place hehehe gott alove ma mum :)
     
  18. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    Looking at porn at that age is natural, they are curious, I know my 13 year old son does that, and I don't have a problem with it, but i do periodically check on what he is looking at and block the more extreme stuff I find with the parental controls we have built into the anti virus.

    If it bothers your husband so much, and maybe it is pop-ups as your daughter says, then get the pop ups blocked with your anti virus. Use Spywareblaster to block these popup sites, and use Spybot search and destroy to get rid of the spyware that leads to this also. Both of these are free downloads.

    As for your daughter being sexually active at 13... not a good idea... I hope you talk to her about safe sex, against both pregnancy and disease...

    Just because you were sexually active at 13 does not make it right. It is actually breaking the law, after all. She does not need your encouragement.
     
  19. minxy3

    minxy3 Banned

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    :O oh yer i forgot boutthe whole age thing, i dunno if this is a universal age but isnt it 16 years of age that is the legal age to have sex ?? because it here but im not sure if that varies from one contry to another :) good [point nettle
     
  20. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    minxy3

    Emm is in Wales... so yes the 16 years old age of consent is relevant in this situation.