Which comes first- the relationship or the sex?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by scorpio_nymph, Aug 27, 2007.

  1. scorpio_nymph

    scorpio_nymph New Member

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    i'm 18 years old. i've never really been in a serious relationship, and i don't really want to now. sure, i've had guys tell me "i love you" while we were dating, but even those relationships didn't last very long. anyway, whenever i've been in relationships i won't really hold out on sleeping with the guy for too long, as the concept of being able to love a guy completely without knowing what he's like in bed first seems unrealistic to me.
    what i'm wondering is- how much of a factor is sex in determining the longevity of a relationship? if i want guy to really love me is it best to get him hooked first and then sleep with him or go ahead and sleep with him fairly early in the game and then go from there? will it probably get me more respect from him if i hold out for a little bit? i WANT a guy to really like me for me and not for putting out, but like i said, it doesn't seem like, for me, i could ever really like a guy as much before sleeping with him as after (assuming he's at least decent in bed, of course). so which comes first, sex or relationship?
     
  2. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    This is just my opinion, call me old fashion if you will. I think you should get to know the person before having sex. I have read post on this forum stating sex to early in a relationship will always end badly. I just saw this happen to a friend of mine (young girl) that thinks just the same way as you. She dated this guy for 3 weeks and gave it up to him. Another few weeks the relationship was falling apart and she didn't even know who this guy was! The more they dated afterwards the more she got to know him and guess what? The guy inside she did not like very much! So now its over and she felt used. I think you should wait at least 2-3 months getting to know the person! If he pressures you or he can't wait, then do you really want to have a relationship with him? Be smart, get to know each other first, and don't be used. Again, just my opinion.
     
  3. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    Yeah I am all about developing a close relationship with someone before you sleep with them. It doesn't have to be love but you need to care for them.
     
  4. deckard_cain

    deckard_cain New Member

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    I think this really depends on the person you are getting to know, and whether they really want to know you or not. Sex may be something you feel is necessary to know somebody, and it may be something that you don't feel comfortable holding off on.

    However, you must also realize that if a guy has reservations about sex, and is prone to jealousy, even a little bit, having sex right off may make him feel like you are not reserved with who you have sex with either. It may damage your trustworthiness in a guy's eyes. Its not a stretch to say that guys in general would perhaps initially think it was cool that you were so willing to fuck, but if they do have a jealous side, it might nag at them to think it was easy...you know what I mean? Integrity.
     
  5. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I have had sex with hundreds of women and have got to know about 5-6 well before we had sex. Neither wife or my present girlfriend were one if the 5-6.:)
     
  6. dwj21

    dwj21 New Member

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    well it all depends i suppose. there isn't anything wrong with havinig some random sex, be safe though.

    if you are looking for a relationship or think that the person might be a fit for a partner, then yeah get to know them, but ultimately you are going to need to have sex with them before you can go to the next level. if you aren't compatible sexually or you find something horrifically wrong with them sexually then it isn't going to work anyway and you don't want to be that invested emotionally.
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    You can count me in the ones that believe a relationship
    should come first.
    But on the other hand I would never marry a Woman that
    I have never slept with, As having a good sex life is very important to me.

    Hiker
     
  8. dressd2dpress

    dressd2dpress New Member

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    ummm....My current relationship is the longest and best that I have ever had, and we had sex before we started getting serious, but we had been friends for about five years before that. The one before her doesn't count, because I only wanted sex form her. The one before that held out on me for a while (and she was an admitted slut) and I can't stand her to this day. The one before that wanted to wait (religious chick) and we're still good friends. Now, what I'm trying to say, is it depends on the guy. As for me personally, if I'm looking for something serious, I'm not going to stick with a girl that puts out right off (unless we already know each other pretty well), but I am more likely to respect a girl that has a healthy sexual appetite and a mature view of it.
     
  9. RedHotLady

    RedHotLady New Member

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    IMO a relationship comes first...yeah sure I've done the casual sex thing..but I dunno, its just alot better when I'm close/in love with that person
     
  10. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    Having sex outside a relationship does not appeal to me.
     
  11. sexyAlan

    sexyAlan New Member

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    Fun comes first, absolutely.

    Have some fun, see where it goes, dont over complicated things, but dont do things because you feel you have to.

    Make them wait until you are comfortable with them, and its always good to do a little at a time, a bit like getting into cold water at a beach.

    If a man ditches you because you are not ready for the sex then he is not a nice man to start with...

    Thats all the advice i think i can offer at this time.
     
  12. scorpio_nymph

    scorpio_nymph New Member

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    very well put, this part.
     
  13. quencho092

    quencho092 New Member

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    well i dont know.

    Ive had 2 serious relationships in the past. Both girls never put out for religious reasons. There was a sense of discomfort in the air, and constant tension.

    I was playful with my current girlfriend before we got serious (intimate showers, blowjobs, cunniligus w/ lots of orgasms) when we realized that we were both honestly crazy about eachother in the non physical way as well. The difference in our relationship is like night and day when compared with my previous relationships, as we are so comfortable with each other that every second we're together is fun, romantic, affectionate, and emotionally uplifting.

    We havent had sex, and she has expressed to me that she is just a bit unsure on the matter, but I am more than willing to wait for her to feel ready.
     
  14. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    There is no answer to this. I've had sex with women, and later fell in love with them (not infatuation) like I never believed possible. I've also built relationships over a period of time, and ultimately consumated love with sex.

    The best relationships are combinations of compatibility and (as Hiker points out) passion and good sex. If you and your sexual partner are compatible in terms of personality and life interests, then a relationship can blossom. The only trick is to make sure that your blossoming relationship has all of the building blocks in place. If it doesn't, then it will be unhappy and probably won't last.