Where do I start

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Cora, Dec 10, 2008.

  1. Cora

    Cora New Member

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    Before I start this post, I do not at all mean for it to sound like a personal ad (it's not, at all). I haven't had the most fantastic year in either relationships or sex life, but the fact that this year is almost over is making me look on the bright side. This year has also changed what I want (for the time being), and what I'm really hoping for is to have multiple concurrent relationships this year, that are not just no-strings attached sex, but include other aspects of just hanging out, and sharing interests etc... yet not to the point of exclusive. I intend to do this honestly, not run around behind the backs of half a dozen guys (and ah... I don't think it will be quite that many anyway). I just want a varied sex life and social life, and feel this alternative is right for me at least at the moment, and in spite of issues I have posted about here in the past, I finally feel ready as well.

    I am just looking for advice about a) whether I'm absolutely dreaming and this isn't realistic, b) how on earth do I even get started?

    I barely drink so am not big on bars (although occasionally might be ok). I have had a look at the usual kind of internet sites, and though I have nothing against them, finding people over the net is not for me. I am virtually starting from scratch with regards to meeting people in the city I'm in. If no one has any advice... then just wish me luck lol
     
  2. qcumbr1

    qcumbr1 New Member

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    It looks to me like you would like to have a few friends with benefits. Someone to hang out with, have sex with, but not a relationship. You don't have to go to bars to meet guys. There are plenty of other places you can go that have nothing to do with partying. Do you frequent a local store ? Or resturant ? Is there a place you might stop into every day on your way to work or home ? What I am driving at is, there might be someone you see everyday that you could become friends with, then move on to the benefits. Upon meeting each of these people, be sure and let them know exactly what it is you DON'T want. Lay out the rules. You just want a friend you can hang out with, talk with, or have sex with. This is after you get to know them a little bit first. You can meet guys at your local WalMart ! Its really easy if ya think about it.
     
  3. Cora

    Cora New Member

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    Thanks for this first reply. I wish it was that easy... I spend time in the library, am a regular in a particular coffee house, go walking in the park... hardly a recluse. I haven't met anyone I could do these things with all year (and forgive me for not sounding humble, but I know I'm not unattractive :female). People will only talk to the people they are attending these places with in the first place. It seems to be the culture around here that if you approach a stranger in these places... you get looked at like you just bit that person on the arm. In the smaller towns I've lived in it's a different story (although, in a smaller town, word about the kind of sex life I'm looking for would get out in a hurry, so I'm better off).

    Although, I have just had to remove quite a few people from my life due to some negativity, and having different interests. I'll probably find that I had no idea just how much time I was devoting to these dead end situations, or how it was holding me back me from meeting more suitable people, so may do better now (I hope so!). So that's something. I also have been invited to a party next weekend (a rarity for me so far in this city), although I don't know if there will be many people there my own age.

    Will have to see how I go, but I am going to put in the effort at least (and be careful of course).
     
  4. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Well, this will get you started meeting new people;

    http://www.foulmouthshirts.com/womens-t-shirts/I Swallow! T-shirt - Women's T-shirts.htm

    Kind of an ice breaker.

    :D
     
  5. cbrmale

    Gold Member

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    I understand the problems about meeting people for sex while not being into bars that much. I couldn't stand bars and nightclubs when I was younger, and the Internet wasn't around then either. These days the Internet meeting sites seem to be flooded with prospective sexual partners, and at the same time seem a bit creepy.

    The trick is to look like you want to meet someone, and interested men should pick up on the signals. It's a lot about how a woman dresses, how she presents herself, and those signals she gives to the men who cross her path. The latter is the most important; I always knew when women were interested in me, and I still do. Even though I am not looking, I sometimes see those signals that, if I were looking, would cause me to strike up a conversation.

    So for men, it's about being given the green light to make an advance. We don't get interested in a woman until we have a cue, mostly because we don't want to be rejected. From that cue and the response, something should eventuate sooner or later.
     
  6. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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  7. achritect001

    achritect001 New Member

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    I am in the same situation as you, and I know that there are people out there. I suppose I just haven't found any yet. I'm starting to enjoy my solitude, but really miss the sex. It is different for guys I suppose. I've been cruising the bar/club scene for a while now and you're not really missing out. People there (at least in my hole of a city) are nether relationship not friend quality. Sure I met some cool people, and pass up a few opportunities, but those are not the people I would introduce to my friends.

    Here's my advice: figure out something you like to do, and see if there's a club of sorts that you can join. You're in a reader, so see if you can find a book club. You will meet people that you have at least one interest in, and there will be plenty of excuses to get together and "discuss" that last book in "more detail" ;) Men will pick up on the slightest hints. Even if he's thick (most of us are) he'll get the point eventually. Just make sure you outline what you want before things get out of hand. Communication is critical in avoiding messy situations.

    Good luck!