When a couple differs on feelings of sexual acts...

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Doitagain, Jun 10, 2015.

  1. Doitagain

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    I am curious on how different people that are coupled up ( married, long term ,shirt term relationship and so on) deal with it when their partner is not into the same things sexually.
    For example my wife does not like to masturbate in front of me and I am okay with that and understand. But I still find it a turn on so how nice deal with it is occasionally remind her it's okay and very sexy if she does but I do not keep shoving it in her face. I also will watch porn that feature woman masturbating or read a story and fantasize..if she never does it I am fine, no biggie at all . However I have had woman do it for me before so I am not sure I'd that makes a difference in anyway either like a bucket list thing lol.

    Anyways I would love to hear examples or stories and general input from the people of SF. Thank you
     
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  2. whybother

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    My wife hates her feet but knows that I am turned on by them. She wont let me massage them. I like to kiss her all over but she will stop me before I get to her feet. As a couple, you always have to think as "we" instead of "I" so I have accepted this. The relationship works because she thinks as we also. One time, I was licking her pussy while she was on her back and her foot happened to touch my cock. It felt great but I was busy so I didn't give it much thought. Somehow she worked both her feet under me and started rubbing my shaft with her toes. Before I knew it I was moaning in ecstasy. I made a move to slide up so that I could fuck her, but she smiled and said "no don't stop, this is nice." We didn't stop and I ended up blowing my load from just her footjob. I finished her up and as we kissed afterward, she said' "I know you always wanted that." Unfortunately, it has never happened again. I might have to ask tonight.
     
  3. Meee

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    The boyfriend says I'm the "idea person" in our sex life, and it is probably true. When I suggest something new, he always rolls his yes, but then he agrees to do it. It seems that rolling his eyes is a required step.
     
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  4. JRB

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    I guess you could say I assume that role as well. The problem is that after being with her for 8 years the list of new things to try is dwindling down.
     
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  5. Master9804

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    Me and my wife are sort of into different things sexually. She is more for just basic fucking and just getting down to it. I like foreplay and touching and sucking and licking. So we try to meet in the middle. I also think we don't do enough and she thinks what we do is more than enough which sometimes leave me frustrated. So the relationship has some friction. But we try to work things out or meet in the middle.
     
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  6. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I guess it depends on how important the relationship is to me. I'm more likely to compromise in a meaningful relationship, whereas I probably won't compromise much for a fuck buddy. I'm also more likely to partake in 'riskier' behaviors with a trusted partner, simply because I do trust them. I also expect some more give and take from a trusted partner than a fuck buddy.

    It also depends on how important the act itself is to me. There are certain things that I won't budge on. If a man refuses oral, I won't continue with the relationship. (Obviously barring health limitations or whatever other tragic event could possibly cause these situations.) If a man refuses to kiss me after oral, it's done. But there are plenty of things that I WANT but am fine without, and if he were to resist or not be interested, it wouldn't be an issue.

    That being said, the significant-ish other's interests coincide with mine quite well. We're both willing to try new things, and we're open about whether or not it was good (for either of us). We both contribute new ideas. It helps that he'll do just about anything if it turns me on, and I'm the same way with him. The not-so-significant other, there's less idea sharing on my part (can't explain why), but he occasionally will suggest something new or different. I trust him completely (in bed, nowhere else, lol), so I typically am willing to give new things a try with him. There are things I do because I know he likes it, and there are things he does just because he knows I like it. Our likes generally overlap, though.

    ...I'm not even sure I answered the question that was asked. But hey, I tried!
     
  7. Amature

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    We try and compromise. When we first got together she suggested I slap her ass while fingering her from behind. I gave it a half hearted try and just couldnt do it. I just don't want to hit a woman, even in fun or she wants me to. She doesn't want me to cum in her mouth, but let me twice. Now that I know she doesn't want me to, I don't even ask. One of the times I did was so I could kiss her afterwards.
     
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  8. sandwich

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    My husband was mostly vanilla, except for some spanking in his past. He has done really well with trying kinky things especially since he discovered they don't really hurt me. He says the look on my face is worth it.

    One thing that is important to him is clothing. It has always been my idea to do the costume of the month at home in private, but here I'm referring to clothing he wants me to wear when we are out and about. It's foreplay for him. I have a long term habit of going braless when I am not at work. If people don't like my nipples being visible they don't have to look. Even so, I have never been one to show a lot of skin or wear tight things.

    It's like he has an obsession, so I have mostly adjusted to having him buy me things without asking me first. It's really sweet, but I just have not been one to have my midriff or tummy out in public, so I have had to change my attitude. For example, I wore a crop top and low cut shorts he got me to a concert recently. That's when you just have to ignore the gawking public. If he buys me any more swimsuits we're going to have to add a pool to the back yard. I have leather leggings now too and sheer tops I would never buy myself. He knows not to ask me to do this in front of my family.

    It is interesting that I have a performer in me, but not one like this. Most days I consider it one of my things in life to be cute and entertaining and to add levitity and enjoyment, but it was never about what I looked like or what I was wearing.

    We have the best fucking sessions after we've been somewhere with me in one of 'his' outfits. So far we have not run into any of my coworkers. That would be super uncomfortable.
     
  9. MordsithLove

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    I've been with my husband for almost 11 years. If you do the math, he and I have grown our sexual experience within each other. Almost everything we've done has been new and refined over the years.

    I think we've come at that point in our relationship where the sex is really good, we know what we like and how to do it to each other. Now there's more fantasy and fetish to play with. Like playing with myself while he watches, it's very new and uncomfortable for me. I'm insecure of my self image, but he continues to build me up and keep my confidence high.

    In the realm of sexual adventures, he and I are still exploring and are nervous but curious for the experience. I think it takes some courage to "don't knock it till you try it". Communication, honesty and an open mind is what it takes.
     
  10. Doitagain

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    Lol it was a good answer . All types of feedback related to this helps
     
  11. Doitagain

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    How does he build you up and boost your confidence? My wife has issues with her image and I try to help.
     
  12. Northside

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    I've always felt that I should at least try to go along with her fantasies or desires. At one point I felt my former girlfriend was taking advantage of that fact, but I did agree and did some things I never thought I would. I actually got to enjoy some of them. So I am pretty open minded and more adventurous now.
     
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  13. Hmmm

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    Doesn't a person's willingness to try new and unusual sex acts depend on how much that person loves their mate?
     
  14. Doitagain

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    Maybe in some cases. Just because you love your mate doesn't mean you will try anything
     
  15. HotForHoney

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    No bc I'm alone and want to try things. Has nothing to do with my mate
     
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  16. Northside

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    I think that's part of it. I think trust enters into it too. If I care about a person I want her to have the most fun sexually as possible. I will do things I am not sure about to a point, and trusting her to respect me at the same time is important. It can be exciting and fun doing things I'm not comfortable with, if I'm with some one I am comfortable with.
     
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  17. HotForHoney

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    Good point about trust and wanting to please your partner.
     
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  18. whybother

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    I don't think so because that implies a subservient role. Love is about respect and compassion. It never seeks its own advantage. This does not men that you do not do what you want in love, it means that both sides must respect each other and form one unified identity. It isn't that "I" want to have something like anal sex. It is that "we" want to have anal sex. Isn't that "I" want to try new things, it is that "we" are in a sharing mutually beneficial union. That may mean that "love" will lead you to try something new that your mate is curious about, but your mate will only be able to truly enjoy it if you enjoy it. Loving your mate may mean that "new and unusual sex acts" are not necessary.
     
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  19. Northside

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    I think pleasing your partner is paramount. If both partners are will to give 100% rather than 50-50, wonderful things can happen. I don't go down on her because I want her to reciprocate, I do it because I want her to cum!
     
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  20. Northside

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    I disagree. We are individuals. We are exposed to different people and ideas in our daily lives. One partner may hear about something that turns them on and want to try it with their partner. I think the other partner needs to at least remain open minded to the other partners new or different ideas. That's where love and trust enter in.