What's the difference between a ham sandwich and sex?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Barbwire, May 31, 2011.

  1. Barbwire

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    So, let's put ours heads together and think, that is the difference between SEX and a HAM SANDWICH?

    Let me go first...

    Watching porn doesn't make you want to eat a ham sandwich.

    Making a ham sandwich can take as long as 5 minutes.

    The white stuff on your chin after eating a ham sandwich is mayonaise.

    If I offer a ham sandwich to my hunky neighbor, my husband doesn't mind.

    I'd get some dirty looks if I ate a ham sandwich in church, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go to hell for it.

    Nobody shudders when they think of their grandparents eating ham sandwiches.

    Old men don't need little blue pills to make ham sandwiches.

    If I was eating a ham sandwich in the pitch black and my son came in the room and turned on the lights only I would be blinded.

    It's unusual for a boy from Arkansas to eat a ham sandwich with his sister.

    No one thinks you're perverted if you share a ham sandwich with your dog.

    No one think you'e a loser if you have to pay for a ham sandwich.

    I never pretended to sleep because I wasn't in the mood for a ham sandwich.

    No matter how slowly I eat, I always finish a ham sandwich before my husband.

    There is no commandment that says, "Thou shalt not eat thine neighbor's ham sandwich."

    When you eat a ham sandwich, you generally only move your mouth and don't normally make a loud pronouncement when you're finished.

    My husband doesn't get mad if I want a ham sandwich I eat one before he comes home and then decline the one he offers saying, "No thanks, I'm full."

    And last but not least......

    I don't fantasize about sharing a ham sanwich with Brad Pitt and having George Clooney walk in the room and catch us, then insist on having some too.
     
    #1 Barbwire, May 31, 2011
    Last edited: May 31, 2011
  2. Untamed

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    LOL nice one!
     
  3. Gearhead

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    thats great! glad to have you back
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Thanks, but, please add your's. :)
     
  5. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    You don't need to eat a ham sandwich till your tongues tired to make it happy...:)
     
  6. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    You're supposed to use your teeth on a ham sandwich
     
  7. MitchieG

    MitchieG New Member

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    You don't ask very obvious and sort of embarrassing questions to your ham sandwich in the heat of things.
     
  8. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    You don't need to tell your kids about ham sandwiches at some point
    You remove the wrapping from a ham sandwich, in sex you wrap it up
     
  9. talldarknaverage

    talldarknaverage New Member

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    If your out with your SO, you generally dont get in trouble for admiring ham sandwiches.

    There is no stigma attached to the size of your ham sandwich.

    There are no parties in which people swap ham sandwiches.

    Ham sandwiches are always an oral affair.

    You can put your ham sandwich down for a few minutes and come back and pick up right where you left off with no awkward feelings.

    If paid for, ham sandwiches are relatively inexpensive and available most anywhere.

    That's my two cents.
     
  10. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    My dog always tries to steal my ham sandwiches
    You can give a ham sandwich to a child without it being wrong
    If you tell a cop to ham sandwich himself, he'll be confused
     
  11. Meee

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    A ham sandwich is like sex because you can have it in bed, on the dining table, in front of the television, and so on. Though maybe not on the kitchen floor.

    A ham sandwich is like sex because if a man gives it to you and then asks "Was it good?" you might still have to lie.
     
  12. MitchieG

    MitchieG New Member

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    "If you tell a cop to ham sandwich himself, he'll be confused"

    If you tell a cop to sex himself, he will be aroused and promptly have sex with you on the hood of your car. Fact.

    I was going to make a joke about how cops are "pigs" and ham comes out of pigs but honestly, I can't spend all my free time writing golden material for a sex site.

    With a ham sandwich the lubing process is done with a butter knife.

    You can walk up to somebody with a ham sandwich and put a tooth pic through it and say "I was just making sure it didn't fall appart." Try that with your partner's penis.
     
  13. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    Ham sandwiches aren't good in the shower
     
  14. Barbwire

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    My, what a witty bunch we are, aren't we?
     
  15. Texas_Red

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    A ham sandwich doesn't care if you call it another name in the heat of the moment.
     
  16. Alwayslearningsex

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    You can make yourself look darn sexy eat a ham sandwich.

    No embarrassment if people smell a ham sandwich on your breath in public.

    Just like sex, you can have a ham sandwich in many positions.

    Everyone wants to swallow their ham sandwich.

    A hamsandwich doesn't give you lockjaw.
     
  17. Barbwire

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    :rofl
     
  18. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

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    You can put your pickle on or in a ham sandwich but who WANTS to put their pickle there...?
     
  19. giannoutso83

    giannoutso83 New Member

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    ham sandwich has sliced meat between the buns???
     
  20. HardRocker

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    You can shout Slut! at your ham sandwich and not have to ask a sexual forum what you did wrong.