What's Going on Here?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by esoro, Jul 21, 2005.

  1. esoro

    esoro New Member

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    My lover and I have been together for three years now and have been through alot together, lots of personal, emotionally straining things, but have hung in there. When we first met, like most relationships, sex was awesome, maybe because I was married at the time and it was all new and all that, etc. I am really into sex, love it, but he doesn't show the interest that I do anymore. His libido is definitely not in tune with mine, I guess. I am not afraid or unwilling to do ANYTHING, and I tell him this, maybe I'm too aggressive..? I initiate sex when we have it, which could be up to three times a day, if I could have it my way. But it is getting dull. I feel like he's not really a participant, just a body lying there for me to pleasure myself with. Hey, that's nice sometimes, and fullfills a need, but I want to be touched, too. Could I be turning him off? I always thought men LIKED women who were willing to make love first thing in the a.m. and all that. I could be in bed with a vibrator sometimes and get as much satisfaction, you know? Does anyone else have this problem or am I dealing with deeper issues? He always says he has "too much on his mind". Hmmmm...? Which would be..?
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Right now every guy on this forum is saying, "That guy is the luckiest man in the world - and he doesn't even know it!" :lol

    That said, hmmmm - you may have a deeper problem here. The first thing you probably need to rule out is: "Is he involved with someone else, who is getting all his good stuff?"
    Next, maybe you should masturbate to take care of some of your needs - get a vibrator or something. Too much sex could be boring him ( :lol Now the guys on the forum are really jealous!).
    And finally, you may be right in that your forwardness turns him off.
    I know its hard to hold back when you're horney, but some guys really like to be the aggressor, or the initiator. He may feel less of a man by not having control of that part of your relationship.
    These are just quick observations. I'm sure others here will have sugestions or ideas too.
    Good luck - and welcome to 'sexualforums'.
     
  3. esoro

    esoro New Member

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    If he's got another babe, I don't know how or when. We are together sooooo much, it's almost unhealthy!! Maybe that's another reason!! LOL
     
  4. uprok

    uprok New Member

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    there is certainly something wrong, you sound to me like every mans dream. he just might be getting it elsewhere. sorry but thats my assumption.
     
  5. Eros

    Eros New Member

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    I am of a similar suspicion that he may be getting it somewhere else as well - sorry. Sometimes however - severe stress can lower libido. What else is on his mind? Could medical reasons be a possibility?

    What about couples counseling? Could figure out the underlying cause one way or another!

    Also you being aggressive or not - your personality probably hasn't changed a whole lot in that respect. If your forward nature was that big of a turn off - it would seem logical that it would take less than three years to figure out.
     
  6. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    It sounds as though you are going through the same thing allot people who participate in affairs go through. People will turn to an affair as a way to fix what is wrong in their marriage in hopes that it might get them noticed by their partner. Some turn to an affair as means of escaping a troubled / failing relationship and feel as though if that had met this person when they were single they would be complete.

    Rarely relationships that start out as an affair lead to marriage or a committed relationship. In most cases when the marriage ends the relationship that develop from the affair may continue for a while. However there usually comes a point after "the smoke clears" from the divorce where the individuals start to loose interest in each other. There are many explainations from the "thrill" of the relationship (doing something where you might get caught) is gone because you can now move your relationship "into the open" to you served a need that was not being met in the marriage and now that they are single that need can now be met by others.

    The relationship you have formed with him is probably coming to an end as it has served its purpose. Whatever the reason I feel he has realised that the relationship is ending and now you are beginning to come to that realization too.
     
  7. dyng wife

    dyng wife New Member

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    Sex with my husband is very boring. When I was a teenager sex was magical. But now it is like counting ceiling tiles. What can I do to spice things up in the bedroom?
     
  8. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    Maybe he feels like all you want him for is his cock. Some guys are pretty sensitive about issues like this. My ex-wife always wanted sex, and was only nice to me when she "needed" sex. If she would have taken the time to show me she cared about me for other reasons, I would have been a lot more willing to have sex with her.

    My girlfriend treats me totally different. She takes me to dinner, tells me how attractive I am, touches me softly...always compliments me and such. She wants sex just as much or more than my ex-wife, but she gets it willingly, as I feel like more than just a "boy-toy" now.

    See, some guys are just as sensitive as women ;)
     
  9. Bobster

    Bobster New Member

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    We're not just sex objects! We have feelings too! :lol :brow :eyes
     
  10. loveit247

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    There might be a medical reason for his lack of interest. Talk to him about it and if he assures you he is not emotionally cutting off from you he should see a Dr