What Would You Do?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by SexyScorp, Mar 18, 2007.

  1. SexyScorp

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    I have a dilemna in my love life...

    My long term partner of 18 years and I have differing sexual preferences....

    Since I have been receivng healing and working on my "inner" self I have become very confident in what I want sexually....all blocks have been removed and I feel free and healthy.

    This is great.....

    But the problem lies with the fact that he doenst want to play the same game.....he is gentle and yet doesnt want to be dominated or to experiment...

    I am extremely passionate, kinky and very keen on "sailing close to the edge"

    In all the 18 years I have been with him and loved him, I have never been untrue. It was only through sheer frustration that I decided to meet and connect with one lovely guy online....we have been friends and more for 18 months....he wants me to meet him...

    I want to go and experiment with him...we care for each other very much

    No one else has ever come this close to knowing me and understanding my desires....

    My husband knows and says I should go meet him....????

    What would you do?

    :(
     
  2. SexyScorp

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    I take it the five "throbbing" hearts I have been blessed with

    are an .....

    omen?

    :)
     
  3. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Me personaly eve nthough you know this guy online very well...id still take precasions Sexy...look after number one in all these kinds of situations, be safe be secure, and meet in a very public place, and id also say have someone you trust in real life with you...i know it may sound like a mood killer, but its better to be safe , than have something go utterly wrong.
    Im not saying it will, but just trying to say for you to keep safe .
    That may have come over wrongly...Does your Husband love you wit hall his heart ? ( if the answer is yes, then why wont he at least try to change some ? )
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Scorp, you already know how I feel about your situation. Whatever you chose to do, I am here to offer my support to my soul sister.

    Big, giant, hugs to you!
     
  5. SexyScorp

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    Thanks Kronnie....

    He says he does....(love me)

    But he wont change....he is very stubborn and closed down inside....also we have been through hell since our son was born...real on the edge stuff....

    I cannot move him....he says he is not enough for me and that I need two men. Maybe he feels after 18 years he cannot try anymore (to be fair to him I am a challenge)...

    On top of this he is a man that needs vast amounts of space....I am a woman who needs much intimacy...we are very different!

    I am very sad :(


    Re meeting my friend...yes of course you are right...I have to be careful....thankfully my intuition is very strong......i somehow trust him!!!
     
  6. SexyScorp

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    Oh bless you CL...brought tears to my eyes...

    I KNOW you understand....we have similar paths to tread, I feel...

    But so many thanks.....sister......it means the world to me...

    I am shit scared....again....:(
     
  7. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sexy i do hope it all works out ....im just being a party pooper, i dont know you in real life you dont know me in real life..( not meaning that badly )
    But on here ive got respect for you, and dont wish to see you harmed or hurt..
    (so thats why i was saying be careful never meet someone for the first time in real life totaly alone) sometimes even intuitions can be wrong ..
    why take an unneeded risk with your life ?
    i dont mean meeting him being the risk, but meeting saftly to remove the risk.


    I really do hope you and this guy work out and you both get exactly what your both seeking from one another :)
     
  8. SexyScorp

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    Thanks Kronnie....

    I am trusting all will be well.....

    Thankyou for posting

    :)
     
  9. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    I'm more worried about you taking a risk for your relationship. If you fall head over heels for this second man, you might very well abandon the first. This may be what you ultimately want, but I think you should always have a rock solid relationship before you bring ANYONE else into it. Even still many that thought they had rock solid relationships don't survive third parties inside their relationships.

    Think long and hard before you do this and be careful.
     
  10. SexyScorp

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    Thanks....

    I find it very hard to open up to others so i really appreciate the input...

    My husband seems to want an open marriage....so I may go and have my needs fulfilled and he can have more space to be.....

    But I see what you mean.....

    Either I put up and go without or I take a risk....i dont really see the point in sacrificing who I really am for a rock solid relationship. I know he wont change!!!

    At this stage the risk seems very appealing....

    But yes I have been thinking long and hard for 18 months, so its not as though I am rushing into this...

    Thanks :)
     
  11. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Talk with your hubby again, and if he says he is okay with it, I say you meet him. Be mature, and deal with the consequences of your actions, and make sure your husband understand that there may be consequences for him as well. No one knows what this might bring to your life, but what will it do to you if you choose NOT to meet him? Are you going to resent your unchanging husband? Are you going to lose that confidence you have now found? There is a fire in you, that someone is willing to tend to, and your husband is encouraging you to get to know this part of you. I have a feeling that simply putting the fire out, smothering it, will bring unfixable resentment.....

    I have dealt with a similar situation. These are just my opinions.....
     
  12. SexyScorp

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    I have to add...

    Talking to others who claim they are very happy with their partners and yet they cyber sex with others.......

    When I was happy in my marriage, I couldnt dream of doing that....it would seem out of the question....

    Which leads me to believe that we all have a different perception of "happiness"....

    I suppose....:)
     
  13. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I agree. And we all have difference perceptions of "rock solid". You are missing something. You aren't going to find what you are missing by staying right where you are. And that does not equal a rock solid relationship. Who on earth (other than Rose and Thorn) has a ROCK SOLID relationship?! I haven't met anyone. Perhaps my optimism is failing me today. You have one life to live........ live it. There's gonna be some pain along the way, for you, and for those you touch. It is how it is. No regrets, baby. Think about the situation and make sure that when you look back on it someday, you can say "I don't regret how this turned out".....
     
  14. SexyScorp

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    """Talk with your hubby again, and if he says he is okay with it, I say you meet him. Be mature, and deal with the consequences of your actions, and make sure your husband understand that there may be consequences for him as well. No one knows what this might bring to your life, but what will it do to you if you choose NOT to meet him? Are you going to resent your unchanging husband? Are you going to lose that confidence you have now found? There is a fire in you, that someone is willing to tend to, and your husband is encouraging you to get to know this part of you. I have a feeling that simply putting the fire out, smothering it, will bring unfixable resentment.....

    I have dealt with a similar situation. These are just my opinions....."""


    Oh oh oh....I have have have talked with my hubbie for over a year....chat, chat, chat..

    and Mel...your wise and understanding words are so appreciated....YOU know....cos you have been there and so put a completely different slant on the situation..

    Yes girl, I know that if I did sacrifice this chance (as I have never before or since met another man who I could relate to so well)....a part of me would die,,,,the fire, as you so knowingly put it would probably die....

    and guess what....

    my husband is the one who says "if you dont go, you will regret it for the rest of your life" and when I say...."how could you let me go and do this"....he replies....

    "Because I love you"

    Mel....thanks for being so understanding and "real"

    Please, I would love to hear of your story...if not here then by pm

    love
    xxx
     
  15. SexyScorp

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    "no regrets baby"

    oh wow

    :)
     
  16. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    We all have diffirent perceptions of most things in life Sexy :)

    But be dammed safe about it...or ill have to come kick ya ass for ya :p ....or at least get my ass kicked by you whilst trying hehehe
     
  17. SexyScorp

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    And Kronnie,

    If that was you and you were to meet with a woman on line and she mis trusted you....would you understand....?

    What if you knew in your heart of hearts that you two had a purpose and a reason to meet.....a bigger picture, so to speak and she wouldnt cos of mistrust...

    How would that be......:(
     
  18. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    You know, the fact is, life hurts. It hurts us all. In our rosy, unrealistic dreams, we would all find everything we need in one person and life would be perfect and nothing would hurt, nothing would ever be missing, and we'd all be "skip-in-the-sunshine-happy". Life just doesn't work that way. Whee. The people that love us most, know that sometimes loving us hurts them.

    I too have a husband who said that while we are a couple, we are also individuals, and that I must get to know me, all parts of me, and love all those parts before anyone else could love them all.

    We have much to talk about.... I will PM you soon.
     
  19. SexyScorp

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    After having three marriages I am gonna have to say that the hypocrisy which comes along with some marriages is laughable

    Yes Mel is right...."rock solid" is questionable....some stay together through fear, financial reaons, laziness, convenience etc.....

    and not love......

    Some marriages are a farce and I dont want to stay in a relationship that isnt real and ultimately maybe the breaking of me

    Truth and honesty at all times.....that is what I am striving for...

    But it aint easy in a world where people can albeit at times become "brainwashed" by traditon and convention...
     
  20. SexyScorp

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    Thanks Mel....I look forward to hearing more of your wisdom!!

    xxlovexx