What to do?????

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by ordnrygy, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    Hi all i'm new here and I need some help!Here goes.I've been in a great LTR with my lady for six years and the sex has been great and often,but for the last two i'm lucky to get it once a month.I've tried to talk to her about it but she always seems to change the subject.my sex drive is very high so this is causing a a strain on our relationship.Now for the what to do part?I have a female friend that i've known since junior high and have been great friends since(strictly platonic).We have always talked about our issues with our partners,sex included.I brought up my dilema to her and she said she is having the same deal with her man.after some discussion we found out that we have fantasized about having sex together.I know this sounds like a cliche,but we both love our so's and we don't want to hurt them but niether of us are getting our needs met at home.we both feel guilty for even talking about it,but the physical need for intimacy from our partners is not happening.Sorry for the long story,just trying to make the situation as clear as possible.Any advice positive or negative would be greatly appreciated.-----ordnarygy
     
  2. seattle1

    seattle1 New Member

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    DON'T CHEAT!!

    Put yourself in your so's shoes. How would you want her to handle it? It's easier said than done but you should sit down and have a heart to heart with her. If she can't give you what you need, move on!
     
  3. cook74

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    I'm with Seattle on this one. If you both love your SOs then sleeping together behind their backs just isn't on. If the temptation is as great as it sounds I would also recommend that you distance yourself from the other girl before you did something you both will regret later.
     
  4. Dreama

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    You don't really love a person, if you're willing to go behind their backs and do something that dishonest and potentially harmful to their health and well being. Perhaps she's going through some things, and needs your kind patience. If you need some sex, masturbate. Your girlfriend needs your love and understanding on this.,...Not some guy who cares so little about her that he has to cheat on her when she needs him the most.
     
  5. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    I agree with the previous 2. I dont know what it is about it i mean i can do a lot of messed up and stuff wrong without really having a conscience about it but for some reason cheating to me is the ultimate wrong. Even if im in a relationship and i dont feel much for the girl still it is something though i might think about or wonder about. I could NEVER do it.

    And i would suggest the same to you.
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    I agree with the above posters. Cheating is NOT the answer. If your partner isn't fulfilling your needs and refuses to discuss it, leave her and find someone else. Your friend should do the same. In the long run, you'll hurt your partners more by cheating than by breaking it off due to "irreconcilable" differences. It may not be the easiest way, but it's certainly the best way.
     
  7. Bluesy

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    An abundance of hot 'n steamy sex is the byproduct of a healthy, loving relationship. And the number one reason women experience a lag in libido is due to relationship problems...so spend some time reconnecting with her, romancing her, making her feel beautiful and cherished. If there's any tension in your relationship, work to resolve it. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Stress is a major libido killer in women, so perhaps you could find little ways to help her unwind. Are you splitting the housework equitably? Can you say in all honesty that you're doing a good job on the husband front?

    Could she be depressed or suffering from excessive anxiety? Is she on any medication or hormonal birth control? How have you addressed this issue with her? If your words and behavior say "resentful", you may actually be making the situation worse. If all else fails, see a marriage counselor. Cheating is never the answer, unless "How do I get my wife to divorce me?" is the question.
     
  8. cbrmale

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    I'll echo what Bluesy posted, if you want a lot of good sex, then give a lot of good love. If love is healthy, then sex will look after itself.
     
  9. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    besides the no sex thing our relationship is great.Iam currently on disability due to a work injury,so she is the only one working at this time.I do all the housely chores and try to have supper for her when she comes home(least I could do)and if not we'll go out.Her job does stress her alot and her 20 yr old daughter who lives with us is a major stress point for her as well.If i was cheated on I would be devastated,so i guess the masturbation will have to suffice until her libido returns.
     
  10. junkvander

    junkvander New Member

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    Go the variety foreplay route. Pick a night alone with her and play something like strip blackjack and when you run out of clothes then you have to do something that the winner says. I have played it and it allows you to drink because there isn't much thinking involved. If you have more set up time then try the Sex Level Game at www.sexlevelgame.com. It requires printing and cutting cards but gave a lot of Ideas I had never thought of before.
     
  11. bsxy420

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    Just an idea for you to maybe get her in the mood...after you two have dinner go and run her a nice hot bubble bath. light some candles and make it a relaxing mood.(since her job is stressful and so is the 20 yr old being at home, maybe she needs a little relaxing without any interuptions to get her in a better place to have a sex drive.) after she has her bath get out some nice smelling lotion and give her a full body massage. by this point she should be putty in your hands. dont talk about her work or the kid. just have some nice alone time.
     
  12. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    Thanks for the ideas,they all sound great will try them and let you know how it turns out.
     
  13. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    hey all,its been a while since my last post and all the romanticism and understanding is not working.something i didnt mention before is that due to my injury it is difficult for me to orgasm.she thinks that she isnt doing enough to satisfy me and its her fault.she feels guilty that she orgasms multiple times and i cant.yeah its frustrating but knowing she is satisfied helps.i try to explain its not her but she just cant seem to understand that.to me it seems if we dont have(or try to have)sex she wont feel guilty.is it me being self centered or is it her?my friend said she is ready to do all the things my so wont.its very tempting but i havent taken her up on her offer yet.the urge for some sex is beginning to win over my better judgement.anymore advice?-----ordnrygy
     
  14. FlirtyChick

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    Please leave your friend alone! It sounds like she is just wanting to get a proverbial "dick" in the door. You have been with your SO awhile, and you obviously want to stay with her or you would not post for advice. If you have difficulty reaching orgasm, your SO probably does feel guilty, and that may be the crux of the entire problem. It is not her fault, but put yourself in her shoes. If she could not orgasm, how would you feel. Sex is very important, but it is not important enough to cheat on someone you love. Please try to work this out with your SO without cheating. Tell her it is ok for you not to orgasm, that it is enough for you to make her feel good. Why are you so hot on having sex with your friend if you won't orgasm anyway? Is there more that we should know?

    Good luck..Don't cheat!!!!!
     
  15. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    i do tell her that but it doesnt seem to matter.i didnt say i cant orgasm,it just takes a while.she just gets frustrated and gives up.its not that im in rush to have sex with my friend but when your not getting it at home it makes it hard not to think about it.-----ordnrygy
     
  16. FlirtyChick

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    I hear you, but what do you want? Sex, or sex with someone you really love? Sorry I misread about the orgasm part. I guess it depends on what is important to you...No one can answer that. But really take a hard think about what you want....Instant gratification with your friend, or sex with your SO. If you don't care about your woman go ahead and bang your friend. Will she be there long term or not? I hate that you are having this problem, because I know it makes you feel bad, but think about it first,,,,please!!! :) Sex is only ONE of the important parts of a long-term relationship.........
     
  17. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

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    let me preface by saying that I am 100% against cheating like those who posted before me. that said...

    let me play devils advocate here for a moment.

    This woman that you've known since junior high (and seeing as your age is listed as 39 on the site...) and you say you've always been great friends with her... Thats what I call a very strong relationship. And if its something both of you are interested in persuing, and you both feel that your existing relationships are dead in the water, then perhaps its something worth exploring.

    But, back to reality here, both you and your friend's SOs seem important parts of your lives, and to be 110% honest, a lacking sex life is no excuse for infidelity. One thing that I havnt seen suggested yet, surprisingly, is going to a relationship and/or sexual counseling session with your SO. The counselor may be able to convey the message to your SO that you havnt, and perhaps may convey something to you that your SO that she hasnt, even if both of you have tried explaining things to each other already.

    I really do hope that things work out for you with your SO. But if worse comes to worse, do the right thing and break off your existing relationship prior to exploring anything with your other friend.
     
  18. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    definitely sex with my so is my goal,ive been getting alot of instant gratification with myself.its losing its satisfaction factor!---ordnrygy
     
  19. ordnrygy

    ordnrygy New Member

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    like i said before beside the no sex thing i couldnt ask for a better relationship.like other things its not an issue until your not getting anymore.have not thought about a counselor,will talk to so about this.wish me luck.-----ordnrygy
     
  20. ReddLicALot

    ReddLicALot New Member

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    Adding a few possibilities.....My wife and I went through a dry spell. It was actually a series of things when we figured it out. She suffers from a medical condition that messes with her homone levels. She'd be not in the mood when I was, and I'd think something else was wrong. I'd rip myself to shreds trying to figure it out, we'd end up in arguments about other stuff, get all pissed off, nothing got resolved, and then start over a few weeks later. I started refering to myself as asexual for a time.

    Talk to her. Sit her down, and calmly explain what is going on with you, and ask her what's going on with her. Take notes, compare them, tell her what you want and ask her what she wants. Explain your limitations, and the reasons behind what's going on with you.

    Cheating is not the answer, if you love your SO. I've never seen this type of situation end well, and the people who least deserve to get hurt are the ones that do. Think about what your SO will end up going through when she finds out.....and if you think she won't figure it out, rethink.

    If all else fails, and you two just can't work it out, then it may be time to move on. But do so before taking up with the other woman. Don't add insult to injury with your SO by using the "There's another woman" bit, it's unfair to her and hurts like hell.