What to do?? "rape" in marriage?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Stormin10, Jul 10, 2009.

  1. Stormin10

    Stormin10 Member

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    A close female friend of mine is in marriage staying together for the sake of kids, both teenagers.. her husband forces himself on her 2-3 times a week for sex.. she hates it, sometimes she just lays there, sometimes she says no, but he continues anyway...
    It kills me knowing what this A Hole does to her, how can anyone have sex with someone who isnt into it with them?
    I resist every temptation to knock his head off, can anyone relate to this? what should i do? what should she do?? it brings her to tears very often but she's frightened of him.. IM NOT...:mad
     
  2. Barbwire

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    I don't know about the laws in Australia, but here in the US a woman can have a man arrested for rape, even if they are married. Non-consensual intercourse is against the law, period.

    I don't understand why so many couples stay together "for the kids". Children deserve to be brought up in a peaceful household, one full of love. Why would you put your kids through hell then claim it was for their sake?

     
  3. Stormin10

    Stormin10 Member

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    Laws are the same here... its upsetting thinking about it...
    She is such a strong beautiful person in every aspect except with him... she's an international level athlete, very successful, it just sucks so bad.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Why doesn't she have him arrested?
     
  5. Stormin10

    Stormin10 Member

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    very easy to say that, they get along most of the time, he's oblivious to her feelings...
     
  6. Dreama

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    Exactly. She needs to make it stop, because nobody else can really help her but herself. And how is she oblivious to her feelings? She says no, he keeps on, there are going to be some sour feelings in there somewhere.
     
  7. Stormin10

    Stormin10 Member

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    Absolutely, she resents him for it, and hates being touched by him, but its correct, she needs to stop it, i get the feeling she's frightened of the consequences of saying no, not physical abuse, but mental abuse...
     
  8. igor

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    Who's to say there might not be physical abuse? Some guys just can't take no for an answer. I feel sorry for her. It's too bad there has to be assholes like him, but there are. I agree that it is up to her to put a stop to it.
     
  9. martin9p2

    martin9p2 Member

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    It is not your job to knock anybody's head off. It her job to seek counseling to find out how to divorce him and take care of kids at the same time. Very difficult. She is in a difficult position, not you.
     
  10. Squirt

    Squirt New Member

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    Personally I was there at one point. Be there for her when she needs it (as mad as it might make you), point out the flaws, but in the end you have to wait for her to realize what is going on in her life. The more you push, the more defensive and resentful towards you she will become.

    It is very hard for her to accept what is going on. Hopefully she will realize how horrible it is to live life that way. In the end it is up to her.....Good luck. I'm always here if you need somebody.

    P.S. AGAIN....Don't push, just be there.
     
  11. Squirt

    Squirt New Member

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    I answered before I read every post. I DO NOT take back ANYTHING I said. Still all true!!!

    I have experienced mental and physical abuse in different relationships.

    As a woman (not saying either or any is acceptable), mental abuse is sooooo much harder to live with and escape.

    I would much rather a man give me a black eye than make me feel 1 inch tall and use me in any way.

    Appearently, mentally, I was used much much more...You have to realize it is as an individual. After that you have to have the mind set to take control. But as anything, the more support you have the stronger you are. BE THERE BUT DON'T PUSH!!!!!! Can not stress that more!
     
  12. Stormin10

    Stormin10 Member

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    Thanks squirt, you make sense.. hope your wounds have healed.
     
  13. Squirt

    Squirt New Member

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    They have very much so, through support, and thank you. I am now a completely different woman now. I have a whole different outlook on myself and life. A lesson learned.
     
  14. blackcutie

    blackcutie New Member

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    You just approach a good lawyer and give him divorce notice with the help of police ...
     
  15. carolinagirl

    carolinagirl New Member

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    no is no regardless if there married
     
  16. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    She is making the choice to stay in the marriage and if it was that bad she could leave. Furthermore if it is as bad as she says then staying together for the sake of the children is a pointless arguement because the children would be better off if the marriage ends. So the question you must ask yourself what is she gaining from playing her husband against you. My guess, she likes a little drama and excitement. Since you have not seen him force himself onto her and have not seen him 'abuse her' then it is best to keep your distance.
     
  17. illcuminu

    illcuminu New Member

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    Staying in it for the kids is a lame excuse. I don't mean to sound rude here, but if it's that bad, she needs to leave or kick him out. Is she staying for financial reasons, insecurity or other reasons? It sounds like this relationship has hit rock bottom and there's probably more going on than her husband forcing himself on her in the bedroom, including arguments and fighting. The kids don't need to see that. Tell her to leave and move on, for the kids sake. They don't need to grow up in that environment.
     
  18. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    At least from my perspective you are relying on what she is saying and you have not witnessed it. I am not saying it is not happening but it does raise a flag for me. It leaves me to wonder if she might be exaggerating it a bit in order to tempt you into having an affair with her?
     
  19. gonefishing

    gonefishing New Member

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    have her tell him to hit the road, no woman should have to live like that. I had my best friends wife move in with me and my wife for awhile. it did not take him long to see what he was missing. there marriage is alot stronger now. and he thanks me for doing that.
     
  20. hotbabe28

    hotbabe28 New Member

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    I have been there before too, my ex husband openly told anyone that I was his wife and he had needs and I had no say in it and he raped me as much as he could, he even one night ripped my pants off of me and raped me, he kept saying it isn't rape cause were married, the next day i got help to throw him out, he took my son for a month until I got my lawyer geting a order to get him back, My ex tried everything to make it hell for me. I had help and support from my friends, family, Master 9804, and a very special friend who offered me anything that I needed. That was 5 yrs ago. I still haven't gotten over it all completly but I'm not as jumpy or scared anymore and I love sex now. Master9804 loves it too :D.

    My advice is get out of it because nothing will make him change, you own your body and only you, her friends, family and the law will help. For her own sanity she needs to get away before she starts to think only way to get out is the one way no one wants. I hope this helped.